} The most famous exchange between a lama and a hot dog vendor occurred
} one block south of Times Square in July 1988.
} Hot Dog Vendor: What can I get for ya today? Footlong
} with the works? I said, what can I get
} for ya today? Hey, ya wanna hot dog or
} not? Listen if yer not going to order
} willya move on, I gotta business to run.
} Stop starin' at me, man. And wipe that
} silly grin off yer face. Say something,
} dammit, yer givin' me the creeps. Hey,
} I get it. Ya don't any English, do ya?
} Uh, lessee, yo, uh, tengo los, uh, hot
} dogs, uh, perros calientes. Okay, fine!
} just stand there. See if I care. Just
} don't scare away the customers. Jeez.
} Forget it. Ya wanna Coke? Coca-cola?
} I don't care where yer from, ya gotta
} understand "Coca-cola". Coca-cola?
} Stop smiling. People'll think yer up
} to something. Hey, I got all-beefs,
} beef-n-porks, turkey dogs, polish
} sausage, and kielbasa. You can get
} ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, relish,
} pickles, or onions on them. I've got
} plain and whole grain buns. I don't
} care what you want, just order something
} or leave. I'm serious, man, if you don't
} go away, I'll call the cops and have them
} arrest you for loitering. Jesus Christ,
} will you stop staring at me! STOP IT!
} At least blink once in a while. You're
} driving me crazy! You wanna Coke? Wait,
} no, I already tried that. Listen, man,
} I'm serious, stop starin' and grinnin' at
} me. I gotta gun under the counter. I'll
} use it. I mean it. STOP STARING AT ME!
} STOP IT! STOP IT! STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT!
} YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY! AAAAARGH!
} STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPIT! PLEASE LOOK
} AWAY! HERE! OKAY! I'M MAKING YOU A
} HOT DOG FOR FREE! TAKE IT! EAT IT!
} JUST GO AWAY! STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPIT!
} YOU WANNA COKE? OKAY! HERE'S A COKE!
} IT'S ON THE HOUSE! NOW PLEASE GO AWAY!
} I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS! YOUR
} EYES ARE DRIVING ME INSANE! PLEASE
} Then the lama widened his grin just enough to barely show
} his teeth. At that moment the hot dog vendor was
} You owe the Oracle a better koan. And a new deli.