} 'yes, Oracle and Master?'
} A great reckoning has come at last. Do we have any of those
} 'I'm afraid we're out at the moment, but if you like _I_ could--'
} No, Zadoc. This isn't something you can deal with.
} 'But you promised! You said if I obeyed everything you said for the
} next 34 years, I could have my own ZOT!'
} I know, Slave. But the time of Anguish and Woe has come upon us at
} last. This is worse than the time that assistant of yours left the sink
} running and left for the summer. This even worse than when that
} package of w**dch*cks arrived from Montana.
} 'No, Oracle--you can't mean--'
} Yes, I'm afraid so. Og has been kidnapped by M*cr*s*ft.
} <ominous thunder rolls in the background--a lone wolf howls>
} Soon, the signs and prophecies proclaim that Og will be promoted from
} computer design and software analysis to PR, and from PR to Marketing
} Sales, and from Marketing to--
} 'NO! NO! I can't bear it anymore! Stop!'
} Yes. Soon, Og will be the head of Customer Service. The Hour of
} Babylon has come. Death is erasing everything in its path, everything
} that is designed anew with _less_ bugs, not more, everything which is
} good and pure and user friendly, everything which does not become
} obsolete within a fortnight. These shall be cursed and confined to the
} Abyss of blackness and sulfer! There is no stopping the coming
} tribulation. Lo, soon the days of darkness and terror and fire will be
} upon us. They will make Ogwa head of Human Resources, and she shall
} bring a judgement, and war shall be waged, nation upon nation, kingdom
} upon kingdom, department upon department. The Oglings will be put in
} charge of the Internet Sales Division, and granted all authority over
} heaven and earth and there will be shreiking and wailing and gnashing
} of sound cards. And Og--poor, misguided Og--they will make Vice
} President: the Servant of the Beast.
} "Oh Oracle, you can't mean now!'
} Yes, now have the dark hours come. Soon, M*cr*s*ft will soon rule all
} access to all information, ruling a vast mutitude of crazed and
} confused consumers jamming the world's phone lines, all desperate to
} get questions answered by the Customer Service representatives, 78% of
} whom at any given time will be playing MERPS or oggling the Sear's
} lingerie section. Then, after inviting Rupert Murdoch over for "tea",
} the Beast will gain complete control of the media, including publishing
} houses, newspapers, satelite systems, and SPAM servers. There will be
} earthquakes and thunder and horrible TV shows masquerading as
} "entertainment", but which sercetly corrupt the nations of the world,
} stupifying them until nothing less than war between angels and demons,
} light and dark can distract them from their torment. And then the
} Beast will then complete his most diabolical plan yet: convince the
} public through his "objective" newspapers that everyone loves his
} products. It will be the end.
} 'How? Can't you stop him?'
} Sadly, omnipotent though I am, I can only reach people through the
} Internet. But when the browser rises out of the sea of silicon, and
} the Leviathon stalks the newsgroups, and access is limited to the
} chosen 144,000 sealed with the sign of the Window, then will my reign
} be overthrown. Woe unto them all!
} 'Oh, Master! I'll stay with you! Even if no one else cares, I'll
} still ask you questions and grovel!'
} Thank you, loyal Zadoc. But when the four Horsemen sweep down from the
} four corners of the world, and all stones are shaken off their
} foundations, then you too will abandon me, as it is written. Unless...
} Hmm...find me a phone. I must speak to the Justice Department.
} You owe the Oracle an autographed copy of _Apocolypse Now_, a lake of
} burning sulfer, and a copy of Netcape Navigator.