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} Introducing... Orrie Joel: Greatest Hits
}
} 1. Woodchuck Man
} 2. Unix State of Mind
} 2. Movin' out (Oracle's song)
} 3. He's always just Zadoc to me
} 4. You may be right
} 5. It's still x86 to me
} 6. Orrietown
} 7. The 'net is stil young
}
} WOODCHUCK MAN
}
} It's nine o'clock on a Saturday,
} the techies are all at their screens.
} There's a BOFH in Oklahoma
} just fed up with dumb users he's seen.
}
} He says "O. will you give me an askme,
} I don't really care what is says.
} Cause I'll answer it quick, parody some new flick,
} or maybe I'll write in-jokes for days."
}
} Give us a zot, your're the Woodchuck Man,
} give us a zot tonight.
} Well we're all in the mood for some ashes,
} and you've got us feeling alright.
}
} Now Zadoc the priest is a slave of mine,
} he filters the junk for free.
} And well he is so humble, but then he does bumble,
} and he's insufficient for me.
}
} He says "Master please don't go and zot poor me,"
} as a smile runs away from his face.
} "Cause I'm sure that I could be just wonderful,
} if you would just settle for Mace."
}
} Give us a zot, etc.
}
} Now Paul is a fighting-fish enthusiast,
} who managed to make time for a wife.
} And he's talking with Michael, who copied Dave's cycle,
} and probably got flamed for life.
}
} And the Hotmailer's sending null questions,
} as the Juno guy's draining the queue.
} Yes they're sharing a thing they call free-mail,
} but it's better than them spamming you.
}
} Give us a zot, etc.
}
} It's a pretty good queue for a Saturday,
} and Steve Kinzler gives me a smile.
} Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see,
} to try to be funny a while.
}
} And the askmes sound like rhod cascades,
} and the tellmes smell like old food.
} And they type on those keys, writing "Oracle please,
} tell me whether a woodchuck chucks wood."
}
} Give us a zot, etc.
}
} UNIX STATE OF MIND
}
} Some folks like to get away
} Take a holiday from the real world
} Start a game from MS Fun Pack
} or from Maxis Gold
} But I'm taking my reader
} down the comp.linux line
} I'm in a Unix state of mind.
}
} I've seen all the Valley stars
} With their fancy cars and their new software
} Been up in Redmond
} with the millionaires.
} But I know what I'm needing
} And I want that command-line
} I'm in a Unix state of mind.
}
} It was so easy living day by day
} Out of touch with the ~ and #
} But now I need a little give and take
} The ls *, the ^G sound
}
} It comes down to reality
} And it's fine with me cause I've let it slide
} I don't care if it's r.h.f. or alt.other.side
} I don't have any GUIs
} I've left them all behind
} I'm in a Unix state of mind.
}
} I'm just taking my reader
} down the comp.linux line
} Cause I'm in a Unix state of mind.
}
} MOVIN' OUT (ORACLE'S SONG)
}
} Oracle works at a Q&A store,
} spending his payments on hi-fi.
} Mama Leone left a note on the door,
} she said "Sonny move out back to Delphi."
} Thinkin' too hard can give you a brain attack
} you oughta know by now.
} Who needs a cult of geek maniacs,
} is that what you get for your wisdom.
}
} It seems such a waste of brain
} If that's what it's all about.
} If that's movin' up then I'm movin' out.
}
} Cavemen Thag and Og are goin' out to hunt,
} at night they become incarnations.
} They leave their spiky clubs and stop trying to bunt,
} and try to solve techies' frustrations.
} They're tradin' in their hides for stuff from Saks
} you oughta know by now.
} And if they can't dress well with hairy backs,
} at least they can make a sensation.
}
} It seems such a waste of brain
} If that's what it's all about.
} If that's movin' up then I'm movin' out.
}
} You should never argue with a crazy mind
} you oughta know by now.
} You can bore priests to death with all sorts of grime,
} is that what you get for your wisdom.
}
} It seems such a waste of brain
} If that's what it's all about.
} If that's movin' up then I'm movin' out.
}
} HE'S ALWAYS JUST ZADOC
}
} He get's killed by a smile
} You can wound him with eyes
} You can make him believe just about any lies
} And he only can see what you want to reveal
} He's as dumb as a child
} But he's always just Zadoc to me.
}
} He's always falling in love
} You can take him or leave him
} He can ask for the truth
} And he'll always believe you
} You can take what he gives you, it'll always be free
} He's trusting with thieves
} But he's always just Zadoc to me.
}
} Oh- he'll take care of you well
} He can wait if you want
} He's way behind the times
} Oh- and he never gives out
} and he always gives in
} never makes up his mind.
}
} You can promise him more
} than the Garden of Eden
} Then you carelessly zot him and laugh while while he's heeding
} He's the best and the wost
} That I ever have seen
} But I blame it on him
} Cause he's always just Zadoc to me.
}
} Oh- he'll take care of you well
} He can wait if you want
} He's way behind the times
} Oh- and he never gives out
} and he always gives in
} never makes up his mind.
}
} You can to him be kind
} And then suddenly cruel
} And he always just takes it
} He's everyone's fool
} And you can't be convicted
} he has no degree
} And the most he will do
} Is be shadowy with you
} But he's always just Zadoc to me.
}
} YOU MAY BE RIGHT
}
} Friday night I brought your site down
} Saturday I put it back round
} Sunday came, I trashed it out again
} I was only having fun
} Wasn't hurting anyone
} And your site was interesting for a change
}
} I've been stranded on the Fidonet
} I've downloaded virus applets
} Even run an ActiveX control unsigned
} And you told me not to try
} But my system didn't fry
} So you said that only proves that I'm offline
}
} You may be right
} I may be hacking
} But it just may be a hacker that you're looking for
} Turn off the logs
} Don't try to save me
} You may be wrong for all I know
} But you may be right
}
} Remeber how I found you there
} Alone and playing Solitaire
} I hacked into playboy and you smiled
} You were lonely for a friend
} I said take me as I am
} Cause you might enjoy some hacking for a while
}
} Now think of all the years you tried to
} Find something to satisfy you
} I may be a hacker like you say
} If I'm hacking than it's true
} That it's all because of you
} And you wouldn't want me any other way
}
} You may be right
} I may be hacking
} But it just may be a hacker that you're looking for
} It's too late to fight
} It's too late to change me
} You may be wrong for all I know but you may be right
}
} You may be right
} I may be hacking
} But it just may be a hacker that you're looking for
} Turn off the logs
} Don't try to save me
} You may be wrong for all I know
} But you may be right
} You may be wrong but you may be right
} You may be wrong but you may be right
}
} IT'S STILL x86 TO ME
}
} What's the matter with the chip I'm using
} "Can't you tell that it's not pipelined"
} Maybe I should buy an 8087
} "Welcome back to the days offline.
}
} Where have you been hiding out lately honey?
} Your system can't crawl 'til you spend a lot of money."
} Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new chip
} Funny but it's still 86 to me
}
} What's the matter with the RAM I'm using?
} "Can't you tell that it's FPM."
} Maybe I should get an ISA RAM-card?
} "Are you gonna use an MFM?
} Nowadays you can't be too buckaroo
} You're best bet's a factory Pentium II."
} Hot RISC, Cool CISC, BIOS patch on old disks,
} it's still 86 to me.
}
} Oh it doesn't matter what they say in the papers
} Cause it's always been the same old scene.
} There's a new chip on deck
} But you can't get the specs from a story in a magazine...
} Aimed at a counter of beans
}
} How about an SL notebook
} with a cadmium batt'ry pack?
} "Well you could really use a good old Kaypro
} if it didn't dislocate your back.
} Don't waste your money on a fast compiler,
} you'll get more mileage from a network filer."
} SX, DX, Linux, Cyrix,
} It's still 86 to me.
}
} What's the matter with a BBS?
} "Don't you know that that's out of touch?"
} Should I get a looped T3 connection?
} "If you do then you've got too much.
} Don't you know about the new fashion, honey?
} All you need is time and twenty bucks of money."
} Two eighty, Three eighty, Four eighty, Pentium,
} It's still 86 to me.
}
} Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new chip
} Funny, but it's still 86 to me.
}
} ORRIETOWN
}
} Well we're living here in Orrietown
} And there closing all the question queues down
} Out in Bloomington they're killing time
} Reading rhod
} Writing dumb sod
}
} Well our fathers wrote the Oracle scripts
} Spent their weekends writing funny tips
} Met our mothers on the IRC
} Asked them to chat
} Chatted with glee
}
} And we're living here in Orrietown
} But the humor-sense was handed down
} And it's getting very hard to stay
}
} Well we're waiting here in Orrietown
} For the Oracle that we never found.
} For the promises the helpfile gave
} If we wrote well,
} if we behaved.
}
} So the old digests hang on the wall
} But they never really helped us at all
} No they never taught us what was real
} Juno free-mail,
} queue-draining zeal.
}
} And we're waiting here in Orrietown
} But they've taken all the fun from the ground
} And the old-timers crawled away
}
} Every newbie had a pretty good shot
} To get at least as far as Paul Kelly got
} But something happened on the way to that place
} They threw an April Fool's digest in our face
}
} Well I'm living here in Orrietown
} And it's hard to keep a good man down
} But I won't be answering today
} And we're living here in Orrietown.
}
} THE 'NET IS STILL YOUNG
}
} I'm young enough to see the geeky nerd that I used to be
} But I'm old enough to say I got a good look at the other side
} I know I've got to work real hard maybe even for the rest of my life
} Now I just want to take what I can get right now
}
} While the 'net is still young
} I want to keep doing askmes
} While the 'net is still young
}
} I'd like to settle down
} Get a homepage
} Maybe even mod a newsgroup some day
} I can see the time when I'm only gonna have one e-mail
} No more separations
} When you have to dial in over a noisy line
} Baby I've decided that ain't what this life is all about
}
} Oh
} While the 'net is still young
} While the 'net is still young
} I want to try to make the world brand new
} While the 'net is still young
}
} IRC use to be the only thing I
} ever gave a darn about
} There was something that was missing
} but I never used to wonder why
} Now I know Orrie's the one I need
} to make things right again
} And I may lose the battle
} But he's giving me the will to try
}
} Oh
} While the 'net is still young
} Because the 'net is still young
} I've got a lot of catching up I've got to do
} While the 'net is still young
} While the 'net is still young
} I want to try to make the world brand new
} While the 'net is still young
}
} You owe the Oracle a recording of the above songs. The incarnation owes
} you his eternal gratitude for allowing him to do something he's wanted
} to do ever since he started incarnating.
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