} Well, World War IV will not be a nice war, that's for sure. It breaks
} down like this:
} The Quite Large War, as it will be named, may be traced back to
} events in (surprise, surprise) Germany. In the year 2015, the fears
} of the German police are shown to be true by a sudden and remarkably
} bloodless coup d'etat by Fifth Master Kraus, the leader of the local
} Scientology chapter. The Krausian government rules for a total of
} five days, before being squashed by militant soccer fans enraged by
} the German team's loss against Macedonia in a friendly game.
} The Football Revolt in Germany serves as a source of great inspiration
} to the British Republic's New Hooligan Movement, the leaders of which,
} following the example set by their continental counterparts, throw
} Britain into a rather violent civil war. Two years later, order is
} restored under the rule and covenant of Lord Protector Paul Gascoigne.
} The Lord Protector, citing an obscure document later found to be
} written by himself, declares that Britain now is at war with Brasil,
} allegedly to "take back what is rightfully ours". (Actually, he wanted
} to reclaim the Falkland Islands, an archipelago under *Argentinian*
} rule.) The next day, Britain surprises the world by invading Holland.
} In the months that follow, British troops effortlessly secure their
} grip on the Dutch, and the Germans accidentally invade France (a
} long and embarassing story involving a group of drunken recruits, an
} armoured tank and a perhaps _too_ panicky French supreme commander).
} However, the fragile peace in Western Europe is shattered as the
} Russian President Yeltsin decides that he should ensure *another*
} reelection by invading Poland. Unfortunately, the Russians have old
} maps, and grab quite a bit of Germany in the process. In an unprecedent
} alliance, the "Soccer Three" (Italy, Germany and England) go to war
} against Russia. After months of talk, the nations decide that the war
} will be fought in India, to "ease the stress on the people of Europe".
} Naturally, the Indians are not pleased at this decision, while their
} Pakistiani neighbours are overjoyed. In a fit of rage, the Indians
} let loose their fearsome Agni Nuclear Missiles, intending to destroy
} the cities of Rome, London, Berlin and Moscow. However, due to some
} faulty programming all the Missiles do are cross the border into
} China, fly perhaps three hundred meters and then fall to the ground
} with a "clankety-clank-puff-bonk" sound. To keep China out of India,
} and "out of the playing field", as it were, Russia invades the region
} of Manchuria.
} Some years of fighting ensue. Fortunately, due to the new and improved
} Geneva Conventions passed after WWIII (affectionately known as "the
} Big Bang") conventional weapons are no longer as lethal as they used
} to be. Nuclear Weapons may be, but the Indians were the first to
} use them since the Big Bang. Casualties are at an all-time low, but
} tempers flare as high as ever. In an effort to join the fray, Nigeria
} and Brasil send a joint fleet of a thousand ships to the Indian Sea.
} Then, in 2020, the thirty United States of America get into the
} action. [For an explanation of the number of states, I refer you
} to my excellent synopsis of "The Big Bang", also known as WWIII.]
} Seeing a need for decisive action (and being heavily sponsored by CNN)
} , President Perot decides to send the most fearsome force ever seen
} on the face of the Earth to India. He sends one man. One. Single. Man.
} In less than a year, all hostilities in India are halted. Having had
} the fear of God put in them by a true protector of Democracy, all the
} armies go home to their respective nations and promise to never do
} such a foolish thing again. Russia withdraws its troops from Manchuria,
} and France and Holland are freed. Peace and tranquility are restored.
} For an encore, Vice President Schwarzenegger drops by Vietnam and
} surprises the hell out of those guys.
} You owe the Oracle an apple pie.