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Internet Oracularities #1028

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Internet Oracularities #1028    (97 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Tue, 16 Jun 1998 11:21:19 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate,
send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject
line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   1028
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1028  97 votes 1epru azwe6 7fCt8 8jumi agFn7 dcooo 7fvwc 9lDl7 8hvjm jCle5
1028  3.1 mean  3.7   2.7   3.2   3.2   3.0   3.4   3.3   3.0   3.3   2.5


1028-01    (1epru dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: "Julianna Avedon" <SOteric2@email.msn.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Oracle,
>
> I've read a lot of your deep wisdom in the last days. And I read
> that your question queue is getting rather full.  I wonder how the
> question queue of an Oracle looks like. Is it like a waiting room,
> all the questions siiting there and waiting for you to shout "the
> next please!" - or is it more like the queue at a British bus stop,
> one after another? And what does a single waiting question do? Stand
> there alone? Do the questions talk to each other while waiting? Or are
> they confined to strict silence?  Please pardon my inquisitiveness,
> o wise Oracle. You are the font of my wisdom.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42, repeat, All
}      w..dch..k questions to Window 42!
}
} #Qa00032: Are you done with that magazine?
} #Qa99993: Yeah. I didn't even know they had National Geographic
}   in Sumer. You read cuneiform kid?
} #Qa00032: Naw, I could look at the pictures though.
}
} LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42 repeat, All
}              w..dch..k questions to Window 42!
}
} #Qa10024: I SAID, I AM NEXT! I AM NEXT DAMN IT!
}
} #Qa99993: Get down kid...
}
} <<ZOT!>>
}
} LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42, repeat, All
}              w..dch..k questions to Window 42!
}
} #Qa00032: Holy Cow. Is he dead?
}
} #Qa99993: Naw, he'll just hang out in limbo for a while then...
}           Look, a Priest. Act cool, act very nonchalant.
}
} #Qa57858: Sir, sir, read my plea!
} #Qa47734: Cumon guv' giva man a read will ya?
} #Qa19745: Your Holiness! Oh Saint of the...
}   Priest: Children, children, be patient. All in good time, all in
}           good time. Blessed are those that wait for the Digests
}           are for them!
}
} #Qa19743: Bless me! Bless me!
}
} LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42, repeat, All
}              w..dch..k questions to Window 42!
}
} #Qa99993: What a load of bull. We wait, we get answered and the
}           supplicants throw us back in again. Like we're going to
}           return with something new. Do they give us a grovel or
}           a good line? No, just get on the tram and off to the
}           queue, day in and day out.
}
} LOUDSPEAKER: All "What is life?" questions and Steve Wright jokes to
}              Window 9. All "What is life?" questions and Steve Wright
}              jokes to Window 9.
}
} #Qa99993: I saw Kendai once ya know.
} #Qa00032: No!
} #Qa99993: It's true, he was with a bunch of nasty questions, they
}           were beating up MIMEs in the bathroom.
} #Qa00032: No!
} #Qa00666: Hey, buddy got a light?
} #Qa99993: Bug off Juno Scum! Get away from the kid.
} #Qa00666: Just trying to get a light that's all, Just trying to get
}           a light.
}
} LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42, repeat, All
}              w..dch..k questions to Window 42!


1028-02    (azwe6 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <berlin63@hotmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle Most Wise;
>
> Is this seat taken?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes, it's very much taken with the beautiful female seat next to it..


1028-03    (7fCt8 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, dreamy Oracle, who can name all the elements of the Lanthanide
> series in his sleep, please tell me...
>
> What causes insomnia?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} ORACLE: That's a very good question supplicant.  There are many causes
} of insomnia.  I'll need to ask you a few questions to determine the
} particular one which afflicts you.  This may take some time, would you
} care for some refreshment?
}
} SUPP: Why, yes.  Thank you.
}
} ORACLE: No problem.  Hoi!  Zadoc!
}
} (enter Zadoc, decked out in black jeans and shirt, tugging on his
} goatee in deference).
}
} ZADOC: You bawled, oh stentorian one?
}
} ORACLE: I'll have double mocha espresso, and the supplicant would like
} a dark french roast, cream, no sugar.  And keep the refills coming.
}
} SUPP: How did you know?
}
} ORACLE: (raises eyebrow)
}
} SUPP: Oh.  Right.  Omniscience.  But then why do you have to ask me
} questions?
}
} ORACLE: It's more fun that way.
}
} SUPP: Oh.
}
} (Zadoc returns with the drinks.)
}
} ORACLE: Let's start , shall we?  What is your occupation?
}
} SUPP: I'm a grad. student.  In CS. (sipping coffee) This is excellent!
}
} ORACLE: Oh, yes.  Only the best.  (tastes his own)  Ahhh.  CS, hum?
} That is a normal demographic for my supplicants.  How long have you
} been having this insomnia problem? (sip)
}
} SUPP: A few years now.  (sip)  Since I started grad school.  (sip)  But
} it is getting worse.
}
} ORACLE: (sip, blissful look on face) And have you been programming late
} into the night? (waves cup at Zadoc; points to supplicant's cup.  Both
} are empty, Zadoc refills them.)
}
} SUPP: (inhales aroma) All the time. (sip)
}
} ORACLE: (inhale, sip, sigh) And what is your environment like when you
} do late night programming? (sip)
}
} SUPP: (sip) Well, I usually work i my office.  (sip)  I have one of
} those ergonomic chairs, (sip) and I nibble on doughnuts and usually
} brew a pot of coffee or two.  (sip)  By the way, where do you get your
} French roast?  This is much better than mine.  (inhale, sip)
}
} ORACLE: It isn't available to mortals, but I'll get Zadoc to give you a
} pound when you go. (sip)
}
} SUPP: Wonderful! (sip)
}
} ORACLE: (sip) And the lights in your office, (sip) are they
} fluorescent? (inhale, sip, get Zadoc to freshen cups again).
}
} SUPP: (inhale, sip, sigh)  Yes, and they are rather bright. (sip)
}
} ORACLE: (sip)  Well, then, I have determined your problem.  (gestures
} with cup, drinks)  All that sugar from the doughnuts, combined with the
} bright light late at night (sip) is keeping your body awake.  Lay off
} the high calorie snacks, and use less light in your office at night.
} (sip) Too much light at night makes your body think it is daytime, and
} that messes up the daily rhythms. (drink)
}
} SUPP: (sip)  Really?  I didn't know that! (sip)  Thanks a lot.  What do
} I owe you? (sip)
}
} ORACLE: Oh, (sip) let's see. (sip)  Why don't you do some research and
} see if you can find a cure for the shakes.  (sip) My hands have been
} shaky lately.


1028-04    (8jumi dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O most delicious Oracle, who understands how us ladies crave chocolate
> and can't help ourselves...
>
> I just bought some little chocolate donut things from a coffee truck.
> The ingredients are listed as such:
>
> Enriched flour, vegetable oil shortening (contains palm oil), sugar
> and/or dextrose, icing sugar, cocoa, soya flour, vegetable oil, whey
> powder, skim milk powder, modified starch, salt, dried egg yolk,
> starch, glucose solids, glucose, baking powder, mono and diglycerides,
> agar, locust bean bum, vegetable oil shortening (contains palm kernel
> oil), sorbitan monstearate, polysorbate 60, monoglyceride citrate,
> calcium sulphate, artificial flavour, colour.
>
> Would you please explain to me what all of those items are, and list
> them in order of the most potentially toxic?  Thanks!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}  Well, supplicant I detect five specific things mentioned in your
}  question. I will list them from Most Toxic to Least Toxic, as per
}  your request.
}
} * a coffee truck.
}
}   This thing is a fortress of Toxicity! Basically it is a motor vehicle
}   designed to deliver drugs to people. The two main drugs are sugar and
}   caffeine, but if the driver thinks you aren't a cop you can purchase
}   a much wider variety of drugs from him. Then there is the truck
}   itself;  Antifreeze, gasoline, brake-fluid, battery acid. . . I
}   could  go on for pages, just take it from me, the thing is mega-
}   toxic.
}
} * little chocolate donut things
}
}   Next in toxicity are these donuts. It is important to realize that we
}   have stepped down a =major= order of magnitude from the coffee truck
}   as to toxicity. You could actually -live- on these donuts, not really
}   healthy, but not toxic in the way Antifreeze is.
}
} * The ingredients:
}   Enriched flour, vegetable oil shortening (contains palm oil), sugar
}   and/or dextrose, icing sugar, cocoa, soya flour, vegetable oil, whey
}   powder, skim milk powder, modified starch, salt, dried egg yolk,
}   starch, glucose solids, glucose, baking powder, mono and
}   diglycerides, agar, locust bean bum, vegetable oil shortening
}   (contains palm kernel oil), sorbitan monstearate, polysorbate 60,
}   monoglyceride citrate, calcium sulphate, artificial flavour, colour.
}
}   These are the items used to make the doughnuts, they are not anymore
}   toxic than the actual donuts themselves. In fact some of the items
}   are actually good for you (soya flour). Some are not (icing sugar).
}   And some are plain old weird (locust bean bums). But on the whole
}   (get it?) they are not Bad Things, and definitely are not Toxic.
}
} * ladies [who] crave chocolate and can't help ourselves...
}
}   We have dropped another level of magnitude here. Such ladies are not
}   toxic in the least. In fact such damsels should be consider as Good
}   Things to have around the home as far as the Oracle is concerned.
}
} * [The] most delicious Oracle
}
}    Several -thousands- of magnitude of difference here. I am not Toxic
}    by any definition. Though calling me "delicious" does require a
}    valid artistic license in most areas.
}
} You owe the Oracle The Pillsbury Doughboy's head on a greased cookie
} sheet.


1028-05    (agFn7 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <berlin63@hotmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise and wonderful,
>
> Thank you very much.  Your kind consideration and assistance
> were invaluable.
>
> Signed,
> Everyone on the planet

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} ORACLE: Zadoc, I got to run over to Athena's for a second.
}       You mind the terminal.
}
} ZADOC: Yes, Great One, Culmination of all Truth, Star of Knowledge.
}
} ORACLE: Now remember, we got to be -meaner- about the grovels. The
}       supplicants are slacking off. If you get a message that has, oh
}       say, a grovel that is less than one line long; Zot them!  Do
}       you understand worm?
}
} ZADOC: Yes, Most Powerful Zephyr of Wit, Ship of Sanity and Stability,
}        Scourge of the Halt and Lame, Powerboat of the Rivers of Wisdom,
}        Dental Assistant to the Mouth Of Creation...
}
} ORACLE: Yeah, like that, but hopefully it will make more sense. So Zot
}       them if the grovel is weak, I don't care if it's from the
}       Pope. Zot them.
}
} [ Zadoc sits in The Chair at The Terminal thinking over and over,
}   "Must zot lousy grovels, not matter who...". DING! A message enters
}   the queue. Zadoc reads: ]
}
} > Oh Oracle most wise and wonderful,
} >
} > Thank you very much.  Your kind consideration and assistance
} > were invaluable.
} >
} > Signed,
} > Everyone on the planet
}
} ZADOC: Well, the grovel is a tad weak, but they do thank him.
}        So surely that makes up for it, besides it is not the
}        worse grovel I have ever read... yet,
}
} [ Zadoc closes his eyes and sees the scowling face of the Oracle;
}   "If you get a message that has, oh say, a grovel that is less than
}    one line long; Zot them! Do you understand worm?" ]
}
} ZADOC: Oh dear. A thank you is not a grovel, and His orders -were-
}        quite clear. Oh dear, oh dear.
}
} [ZADOC closes his eyes and reaches for the Auto-Zot Reply button...]
}
} You owe the Oracle a Scorched Earth Policy.


1028-06    (dcooo dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: "Bill McMillan" <billm@platform.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> If were not for you, life would be unbearable.  I most humbly bow
> before you as you are the kick ass of all Oracles.
>
> Please tell me:
>
> I fear the beast.  It roams the dark corners of our world and casts
> shadows of horror and blue screen death.  It whispers lies of soon
> to be release dates only to be delayed for months  It is marked with
> the symbol of the beast, that being "MS".  It feeds on our stupidity
> and eagerness for productivity.  It's name causes instant death to
> the weak and unknowing small business that has a good idea and has
> worked hard to make it successful in a legal and straightforth manor
> without being a bully or making life so unbearable that you have to
> bend to it's will and live by it's rules and do as it says and the
> more you try to resist it's power and turn to the other more kind
> life-force the more you are sucked in and you end up drowning in a
> sea of pastel colored windows . . . . . .
>
> It there hope?  Will the beast and it serpent known as Intel be
> destroyed?  Will I be set free from the hell that tears at my soul?
> Will the beast be cast from the garden so we may live free of fear?
> Will the day come that windows will be only sheets of glass used to
> look through?  But MOST important of all, Oracle:  when can I have
> my Windows 98 and get rid of my pirated copy of Windows 98 Beta 3?
> I've gotta have my 98!!!!
>
> See!!  The beast is scratching at my door again!!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} (oracle:/home/oracle)# cat /opt/prophesies/book-of-marmoset/chapter3
} ------
}
} 1 and thus, the beast did lay upon the land, having grown large and
} slothful and no longer produced quality software, instead growing large
} on the people who had already fed it by releasing new versions that
} they must purchase to show homage to the beast.
}
} 2 it had upon it many heads, and each head did act as if it were upon
} its own control, yet all did bow down to the one head, which was
} unkempt and wore thick glasses and was unbecoming to look upon.
}
} 3 and all the heads of the beast did speak with one voice,
} proclaiming to all across the land that its words were true.
}
} 4 and many did believe, for they had pointy hair and wore suits and
} as such were easily swayed by the voice of the beast saying, "listen
} unto me and buy what I say and thou shalt not be fired."
}
} 5 and many did believe, for they wore sport coats and had graduated
} with a degree in MIS from the business school and as such were easily
} swayed by the voice of the beast saying "listen unto me and continue to
} support none else but me and thou shalt not be fired."
}
} 6 and many did believe for they only read PC Week and believed
} anything they saw in advertisements and as such were easily swayed by
} the voice of the beast saying, "listen unto me and thou shalt find thy
} work to be faster and more fun than ever before, e'en when thou playest
} not by yourself the game with cards."
}
} 7 and many did believe for they knew not of computers and used only
} what the manufacturers supplied and as such were easily swayed by the
} voice of the beast saying, "listen unto me, we know what's good for
} you, think not for thine own self."
}
} 8 then from a land across the great ocean in the east (except for some
} people who lived on the same land on the same side of the water and for
} those he came from the north, or the west and even for a few he
} came from the south) came a figure
}
} 9 who rode upon a mighty GNU and bore upon his left arm a shield and
} upon that shield was the sigil of the penguin, mighty with fish, and
} its name was Linux
}
} 10 and bore in his right arm a sword and upon the sword were graven the
} words, "as the OS be free, so shalt ye"
}
} 11 and bore upon his brow (above his glasses) a shining star that bore
} his name and his name was Linus.
}
} 12 and upon his left hand was an unkempt one, riding an even mightier
} GNU leading a hurd of GNUs and his name was rms,
}
} 13 and upon his right hand was a horde of daemons, and upon their brows
} were born their names, such as "Free" and "Net" and "Open" and a
} multitude of others.
}
} 14 and greeting him stood one wearing a red hat, who grew more powerful
} with every passing day across this land.
}
} 15 and behind them, on many forms of beasts of the land and beasts of
} the water and beasts of the air came his prophets and disciples,
} bearing many strange names that those of the land on this side of the
} great ocean cannot easily pronounce and bearing many scrolls upon which
} were written source codes that did have vast power.
}
} 16 and they did cry with one voice across the land, "no longer dost
} thou need to be subjugated to the beast!" but the voice of the beast
} was mighty indeed and few heeded their call.
}
} 17 so Linus and his disciples did spread across the land and they threw
} open many doors and cast daemons inside and the people inside did
} rejoice and become powerful.
}
} 18 and they visited many universities, where the students were too poor
} to pay homage to the great beast, and they cast daemons upon them, and
} the students did rejoice and become powerful.
}
} 18a (and still those who would follow Linus did pay small homage to the
} great beast who's system requirements were so large that the
} manufacturers did produce faster and cheaper and more powerful machines
} that did make them even more powerful than the great beast)
}
} 19 yet still across the land the voice of the beast did cry louder and
} the beast did still grow larger
}
} 20 until even the land itself did cast itself up to challenge the
} beast.
}
} 21 and the beast did laugh upon the land and the land held the beast in
} contempt until the beast apologised
}
} 22 and the land was so large and lumbering that it did accept this
} apology even though it was not meant in truth.
}
} 23 then the beast did raise its voice even higher among the people
} saying, "look unto the land, which hath wronged me!"
}
} 24 and the many people, being easily swayed, did agree with the beast.
}
} 25 then in the far west of the land on this side of the great ocean, a
} great dragon did raise its head and did proclaim itself free with the
} voice of one named Marc who did also speak for many, although unlike
} the heads of the beast, the many did look up to the one called Marc who
} had power enough against the beast to call it challenge.
}
} 26 and then in the far north, a most colorful hydra who did draw
} pictures and write words and many things did raise its head who's words
} were perfect and did proclaim that it did also believe the word of the
} one called Linus.
}
} 27 and then did the star upon Linus' brow shine with a mighty light and
} his shield shined with a vast shine and his sword did glow with a
} wondrous glow.
}
} 28 though many with pointy hair and many with MIS degrees and many who
} believed only the magazines and many who knew no better did still pay
} heed to the voice of the beast, there were now many who could stand up
} and proclaim themselves believers of the one called Linus for the great
} dragon and the great hydra had given credence to his teachings.
}
} 29 so then many did cast their lot with him and followed him and became
} also his disciples, though they did not always follow his teachings
} exactly and there were many forms of daemons across the land, they did
} band together, for they were open and free against the great beast.
}
} 30 and tho the great beast was large, it now had fear in its eyes
} for the one called Linus showed no fear, tho he was tiny and the beast
} was vast, for he had many followers at his side and at his back who
} lent upon him their strength and they did challenge the great beast,
} crying "As the OS be free, so shall the people!"
}
} 31 and tho the many people, still listening to the voice of the great
} beast did not believe, many were no longer swayed by the voice of the
} beast and the followers and disciples did have great hope in their
} hearts against the great beast and grew more powerful at each passing
} day.
}
} ------
} Thus spake the Oracle, which words were then placed forever in the
} Oracularities digest.  So it is written, so shall it be done.  (If
} the priests know what's good for them...   Ahem.)
}
} You owest not the Oracle, but to listen and heed to the writings of the
} third chapter of the Book of Marmoset and have no fear against the
} great beast.


1028-07    (7fvwc dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@wiley.csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Does 10power9500 = Infinity?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "Zadoc! Zadoc!"
}
} "Yes, O wise one."
}
} "How many monkeys do we have in stock?"
}
} "Many many millions of millions."
}
} "Could we get 10E9500 together in a hurry?"
}
} "We already have that many logged on to AOL and Juno, they are working
} on the Shakespeare project."
}
} "And what have they done so far?"
}
} "We have had 2,976 complaints about them starting 'Make Money Fast'
} schemes, 927 mailbombs, 27 bombs sent through the mail, and two have
} been hit in the face with Belgian cream pies."
}
} "But have they written anything?"
}
} "There is this, all seeing one."
}
} Zadoc hands over a creased and ink stained sheet of paper, on which the
} oracle reads...
}
} "To crash or not to crash, that is the question, whether it is nobler
} in the end to suffer the GFPs and BSODs of outrageous redmond, or to
} take CDs, and on this chip of troubles, install Linux, and get
} something approaching reliability."
}
} "When shall we three meet again?
} Installing NT is such a pain,
} Fair is foul, and foul is fair,
} I've a driver disk, I know, somewhere..."
}
} "One pound of flesh nearest his heart, it is here, written in the
} licence agreement, and I shall have my licence."
}
} "We few, we happy, few, we band of brothers, from now to the ending of
} the world, shall not St Crispin's day come round, and men shall say,
} 'The damn thing's crashed again'"
}
} The oracle mops his brow, turns to Zadoc, and says, "If this is the
} best they can do, 10E9500 monkeys is a *long* *way* off infinity.


1028-08    (9lDl7 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Forbes, Michael Scott (Scott)" <trans@lucent.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle Most Wise;
>
> I have sculpted some fine caryatids of you, Lisa, Zadoc and Og.  What
> kind of public buildings should I use each of them for?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Thank you supplicant; it's a charming gesture and more than makes up
} for the lacklustre grovel. I'll just ask Zadoc where he would like
} his statue erected....
}
} ZADOC! COME HERE!
}
} "Yes, oh most spendiforous and wondrous of oracles, oh radiant light
} of the universe, oh pristine and opalescent diamond of all-"
}
} Oh, shut up. Zadoc, where would you like Me to put this statue of
} your frankly unlovable self?
}
} "Oh most sublime and perfect and truly marvellous and-"
}
} ZADOC!
}
} "Oh greatest of Oracles, there is only one place I wish to be seen,
} and that is Your Splendiforousness's Own Oracular Temple, where I
} may bask for ever in the divine and serene radiance of your beautiful
} blessed face, which gives light to all"
}
} *ZOT*
}
} That man gets boring after a while. We'll put Zadoc's statue outside
} Quentin Crisp's house, as he is now a Crispy critter.
}
} Next!
}
} "Og see big rock. Rock look like Og. Og scared. Oh Or-a-kul, Og thump
} Og head on ground, is there two Og now?"
}
} I hope not, Og, one of you is more than enough. Let Me take a look
} at this caryatid.... hmmm, huge nose, uneven teeth, straggly hair,
} receeding forehead, ... There's only one public building which this
} belongs in, and that is the US Senate. Everyone will assume it's the
} Chairman of Foreign Affairs or something.
}
} Now what is this vision of loveliness, this delight to the eye?
} This is without a doubt a statue of the loveliest creature ever to
} walk the earth.  But before I get on to My statue I'll do Lisa's.
} Lisa honey! Put down that copy of the Pop Up Karma Sutra and come
} look at this lovely statue...
}
} "Gee, Orrie, a statue of *me*?"
}
} You bet, angel cakes. Now what building shall we beautify with-
}
} "MY THIGHS LOOK FAT!!!"
}
} Sweetie-buns? What?
}
} "Orrie, he's made my THIGHS look FAT!!!! The pig! I feel violated!
} *ZOT* that statue!"
}
} But snookins, it's a gift from a supplicant. I couldn't-
}
} "You *ZOT* that thing this minute, Mister, or I'll never speak to
} you again!"
}
} Heigh ho.... Well supplicant, I'm going to hide this one on level
} twenty-three of the Black-Ops Nuclear Waste Storage Facility in
} North Dakota. Sorry, but you know how women are...
}
} And now, the climax, the statue of My Oracular Self. No contest.
} There is only one possible place for this likeness to go: on the
} shoulders of the Statue of Liberty. Not only will it greet visitors
} to the land of the free with its beauty and grace, but it will teach
} a valuable lesson; for what is liberty without wisdom?
}
} You owe the Oracle... No you don't. One gift per question is the
} tariff, and you've already given four. Although if you're feeling
} generous, a statue of a thinner-thighed Lisa would be appreciated.


1028-09    (8hvjm dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Bill McMillan" <billm@platform.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle Most Wise;
>
> Is it best to eat an egg from the small end or the big end?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It's best to wait until it's out of the chicken.
}
} You owe the Oracle a promise that when he's over your house
} again you won't serve omelets.


1028-10    (jCle5 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <fungaroc@gusun.georgetown.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Great Oracle who, being all-seeing, is sadly unable to avoid watching
> children's television,
>
> What are the words to the Mr. Roget's Neighborhood song?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Fortunately this incarnation lives in England, and has no knowledge of
} this being you refer to as 'Mr. Roget'. However, having seen a large
} purple dinosaur, of all things, being sickly sweet in an American
} accent on TV, I'm not taking any chances of this one coming over as
} well.
}
} The words to Mr. Roget's Neighborhood song (are you listening MI5, you
} will have a talk with that nice Mr Birt at the BBC won't you?) are as
} follows:
}
} Mr. Roget's Neighborhood Song
} -----------------------------
}
} We live in a brave free country
} The English were much meaner
} We're sailing down to the Falkland Isles
} Which belong to Argentina
}
}       Guns for the IRA
}       Bombs for the IRA
}       Support the IRA
}       Down with the English Scum
}
} We want to sell you tobacco
} We know just how that sounds
} But can you pass to Mr Blair
} This check for a million pounds
}
}       A passport for Al Fayed
}       A home for Mr Al Fayed
}       Support our great Al Fayed
}       Down with the Selfridge Scum
}
} That Ms Cherie is oh so fair
} I'd like to squeeze her bum
} I'd take a walk to Docklands
} And sell the story to The Sun
}
}       Freedom for the foxes
}       Safety for the foxes
}       Free living for the foxes
}       Down with the upper class scum
}
} You owe The Oracle a Tellytubby trap, and a big spray can of Blobby
} repellant.


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