> Oh most magnificent oracle, I love thee dearly
> This is the story of about 15 minutes of my Friday night in a
> taxi-cab. I have attempted to preserve every bit of dialogue.
> Alison: The Intercontinental on Michigan, please.
> Cabbie: Sure thing.
> (about five minutes pass in near silence, the jazz on the radion is
> near inaudible)
> C: You cook with a microwave?
> A: Nope, hate'em. Can't stand 'em. Don't even have one
> at home.
> C: Well, they won't let you have a hot plate at the YMCA.
> You got to cook in a microwave.
> A: I see.
> C: I just started using plastic wrap. You ever use plastic
> A: I am familiar with it, yes.
> C: Well, I wrapped my chicken in plastic wrap, then i micro-
> waved it.
> A: Really? It didn't get tough?
> C: No, it was so tender. I thought the plastic would melt at
> first, but it didn't.
> A: Amazing.
> C; The steak was even better.
> A: Steak?
> C: Yeah, I cooked the steak with the plastic wrap, and it was
> A: Hmmm.
> C: I never used to be able to eat microwave cooking. I would
> throw up.
> A: That can't be good.
> C: No, but these new microwaves - the Y just got them - these
> new ones are great. I don't throw up.
> A: Wow.
> C: I made the steak with scrambled eggs and rice. I took almost
> a 3/4 stick of butter and put it in with the eggs and the rice.
> A: Are you trying to kill yourself eating like that?
> C: I don't eat it everyday. I have it only every couple of
> months. It's like pork. I don't eat pork everday. Gives me a
> A: A nosebleed?
> C: Yeah, one time I had ham on one day, and Italian sausage the
> next, and breakfast sausage, and a pork roast, and some chitterlings.
> About a week later, I had a nosebleed.
> A: Hmmm...
> C: One day, I sat down and ate a whole roast.
> A: See, you are trying to kill yourself.
> C: You don't know me. I can't resist a sale. I got that roast
> at 98 cents a pound. I couldn't believe it. I go to the market
> everday. It's never been that cheap.
> A: And you ate the whole thing?
> C: I didn't know I ate the whole thing. I was too drunk to
> remember. I woke up, and thought, "Damn, I left the roast in the
> oven." So, when I went to get it out, there wasn't even gravy left.
> A: Because you ate it?
> C: Yeah, I ate the whole thing. That's why I take notes.
> A: Notes?
> C: Yeah, you got to take notes when you drink, so when you black
> out, nobody can say that you acted crazy the night before. You got
> everything written down.
> A: You drink until you black out?
> C: Not all the time I don't... I got a problem... I can't
> drink nothing else.
> A: Huh?
> C: I can't take the chemicals they put in the water. I swell up
> and get all itchy. Get bumps all over me. Can't drink no water, no
> milk, no juice, no nothing.
> A: What do you drink?
> C: Got to drink beer made the old-fashioned way. They say it's
> made with spring water, and they're the only ones that ain't lying. I
> tried every kind of water, tap water, spring water, I tried this kind
> and that kind.
> A: They all have chemicals?
> C: Yup. It's some kind of thing to kill the bacteria. And they
> all have it. That's why I gotta drink old-fashioned.
> A: Have you tried distilled water?
> C: Yup.
> A: Did you try a Britta filter?
> C: I tried a Britta, some kind of Culligan system, and my friend
> paid $1200 for his system, and he brought me over to try it. Nope.
> Swelled up.
> A: Unbelievable.
> C: I've been living like this for 27 years. I can't drink
> A: Have you ever had allergy testing?
> C: I tried everything. Doctors told me I had excema, they told
> me I had acne, one even told me I had skin cancer.
> A: How did you figure it out? I mean, water is in everything.
> C: Well, once when I was on welfare, I got an extra check, and I
> was drinking for days and days. I just kept going until my skin
> cleared up. I couldn't believe it. No one could believe it. Then,
> after a while, I drank some tap water, and the whole thing happened
> again. My girlfriend woke up and saw me, and started screaming, cuz I
> was so swollen up.
> Was I supposed to learn something from this?