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Internet Oracularities #1033

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Internet Oracularities #1033    (72 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sun, 19 Jul 1998 00:10:31 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate,
send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject
line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   1033
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1033  72 votes a7lld 28fmp 27lvb 3emkd hvh43 3asjc 6fwb8 2gug8 4kqg6 6nq98
1033  3.2 mean  3.3   3.8   3.6   3.4   2.2   3.4   3.0   3.2   3.0   2.9


1033-01    (a7lld dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How many pinheads can dance on the head of an angel?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} ORACLE: Good question supplicant. I think we have everything, Zadoc?
}
} ZADOC: Yes, Science's Greatest Treasure. Well, except the angel Duma,
}        who should arrive presently.
}
} ZIPPY: Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!  We're going to a new disco!
}
} ORACLE: Supplicant, this is Zippy -the- Pinhead and his family,
}
} PINHEADS{all talking at once}: Xerox your lunch. Did I say I was a
}          sardine? Will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at
}          an IRON MAIDEN concert? Come home with me, I have Tylenol!!
}
} ORACLE: Okay. Now pinheads, listen up. I invited the angel Duma here
}         today and as soon as he enters the room I want you to throw him
}         to the ground and see how many of you can dance on his head at
}         once.
}
} ZIPPY: Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
}
} ZADOC: Most Immortal Bastion of Reason; throw the angel to the ground?
}
} [ Door opens, Duma enters, nude but genderless in the nature of a doll,
}   a pair of majestic white wings on his back. Half of the pinheads
}   stare at Duma, the other half seems to oblivious to his presence. ]
}
} ZADOC: Welcome to the Temple of The Oracle, Duma, eer, Angel Person.
}
} [ Duma nods, frowns. ]
}
} ORACLE: He can't talk, that's why I picked him, see...
}
} [ The pinheads suddenly bolt towards the angel in mass shouting odd
}   phrases and gibberish as is their wont. Duma floats upwards out of
}   reach with no visible sign of any effort, not even the slightest
}   twitching of his wings. The pinheads mill about under him babbling.]
}
} PINHEADS: My TIPPER GORE record is BROKEN! I'm in a POTATO field in a
}           BOX of VELVEETA. Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES
}           this trip?  Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!
}
} [ Oracle rubs his chin while contemplating Duma when the ceiling simply
}   dissolves away effortlessly to become a blue sky with one very large,
}   very white cloud in it. Duma continues floating upwards towards the
}   cloud. ]
}
} PINHEADS: YOW!
}
} VOICE: ORACLE! Do not trifle with me or mine.
}
} [ WHAM! The ceiling is restored to its original condition with a
}   suddenness that leaves them all cold and, quite literally in the
}   dark.]
}
} ZIPPY: Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP
}        in a cheap hotel in HONOLULU!
}
} ORACLE: Supplicant, seems the answer to your question is; zero.
}         You owe me. . .
}
} ZIPPY: PUNK ROCK!!  DISCO DUCK!!  BIRTH CONTROL!!


1033-02    (28fmp dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <fungaroc@gusun.georgetown.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh boy - It's the Oracle
> Not a toy - It's the Oracle
> I beg you to tell me
> What my future will be
> Such Joy - It's the Oracle

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes, now *you* can control your own future with "Choose Your Own Life"!
} Simply start with paragraph 1, and follow the instructions.
}
} 1)  You are reading an e-mail from the Oracle.  Do you:
}     -- Continue reading your e-mail, then surf the Web for ten hours?
}        If so, go to paragraph 10.
}     -- Turn off your computer and go outside?  If so, go to paragraph
}        5.
}
} 2)  You are sitting around, waiting for your Chinese food to arrive.
}     Do you:
}     -- Kill some time surfing the Web?  If so, go to paragraph 10.
}     -- Read a book?  If so, go to paragraph 6.
}
} 3)  You are at home.  You open the refrigerator and find a three-week
}     old slice of pizza that has hardened to approximately 7 on the Mohs
}     scale, and a jar of mustard.  Do you:
}     -- Order some Chinese food?  If so, go to paragraph 9.
}     -- Forget about food and go surf the Web?  If so, go to paragraph
}        10.
}
} 4)  You are waiting for your Chinese food to arrive.  The doorbell
}     rings. It's the delivery man.  You pay for your shrimp lo mein and
}     give the delivery man your usual chintzy tip.  You devour the
}     shrimp hungrily, then surf the Web before bed, as usual.  While
}     you're waiting for your home page to download, you die of botulism.
}     Bad shrimp, I guess. The end.
}
} 5)  You are outside.  The bright light hurts your beady little eyes.
}     Strange objects are moving around.  Could these be the "people"
}     you've heard about?  You are frightened, yet intrigued.  Do you:
}     -- Talk to one of the people?  If so, go to paragraph 12.
}     -- Retreat to your lair?  If so, go to paragraph 3.
}
} 6)  You are looking over your bookshelf.  All the books are covered
}     with thick sheafs of dust from years of disuse.  You can barely
}     make out any of the titles -- the only one even remotely legible is
}     a book on C++ programming that you already have memorized.  As you
}     blow the dust off the books, you remember that you are, in fact,
}     allergic to dust.  You have a terrible allergy attack, stumbling
}     blindly around your living room in a sneezing fit until you trip
}     over the cord to your VCR and crack your head on the sharp corner
}     of your TV set.  You fumble for the phone and try to call 911, but
}     all you hear is a mechanical buzzing and whirring -- you never
}     logged off the Internet.  Guess you should have sprung for a
}     separate line after all.  Eventually you die from either blood loss
}     from your head wound, or asphyxiation from your swollen airway due
}     to your allergies.  Not really good news for you either way, sorry.
}     The end.
}
} 7)  The passerby says, "Gee, I can't tell you what time it is since I
}     accidentally left my watch in that alley there.  Why don't you
}     follow me in there and I'll be happy to help you."  Do you:
}     -- Follow him into the alley to certain death?  If so, go to
}        paragraph 11, you masochist.
}     -- Run away from the scary man and go home?  If so, go to paragraph
}        3.
}
} 8)  The passerby ignores your question and makes a rude and completely
}     unwarranted remark about your pocket protector.  Do you:
}     -- Feel terribly embarrassed and slink back to the safety of your
}        home, vowing never again to succumb to the temptation to speak to
}        another person ever?  If so, go to paragraph 3.
}     -- Say, "You, sir, are a scoundrel and I challenge you to a duel in
}        yonder alley"?  If so, go to paragraph 11.
}
} 9)  You are on the phone, ordering Chinese food.  Do you order:
}     -- Shrimp lo mein?  If so, go to paragraph 4.
}     -- Chicken chow fun?  If so, go to paragraph 2.
}
} 10) You are surfing the web.  Soon all other aspects of life fade in
}     importance to you as you surrender to the siren call of newsgroups
}     upon newsgroups, hotlinks without end.  You feel faint pangs of
}     hunger, but think to yourself, "I'll eat right after I finish
}     reading the entire archive of articles from 'Suck', following
}     *every single link*, even the ones that aren't funny or
}     interesting, which is most of them."  Maybe the doorbell rings,
}     maybe it doesn't.  You probably couldn't hear it over your loud
}     cackling over "Dilbert" anyway.  Soon, you die from malnutrition
}     and sleep deprivation.  The end.
}
} 11) As you follow the man into the alley, certain aspects of his attire
}     that you hadn't previously noticed -- his "Born to Fold, Spindle,
}     and Mutilate" tattoo, the rifle strapped to his leg, the bolts in
}     his neck -- slowly begin to filter their way into your
}     consciousness.  You begin to reconsider your actions, stammering,
}     "Um, I'll be right back, I left my scientific calculator on," but
}     he blocks your exit from the alleyway with his formidable bulk.  No
}     one hears your cries for help as he mercilessly practices for his
}     chiropractic exam upon your frail body.  As he straightens your
}     spine, which you had thought permanently curved from years of
}     sitting hunched over your keyboard, with a firm, practiced squeeze,
}     you decide that you can't take anymore and slip out of his grasp
}     faster than the baby alien coming out of that guy's stomach,
}     running heedlessly into traffic.  As you pause to catch your
}     breath, you notice a city bus bearing down on you at top speed.
}     Just as it's about to hit you though, a giant roc grabs you in its
}     claws and flies you to its nest high on the side of a canyon, where
}     it intends on feeding you to its chicks. Terrified of their gaping
}     mouths, you squirm about in the claws of the great black bird as it
}     approaches its eyrie, and manage to escape its grasp.
}     Unfortunately you are still over the canyon when you do this, and
}     as you plummet thousands of feet, you suddenly acquire the power of
}     flight. The power of flight is new to you, however, and you have
}     little control over it, so you keep running into things.
}     Eventually, you clonk your head on the underside of a bridge and
}     knock yourself unconscious.  When you come to, you realize that you
}     have fallen into a river and that you are underwater.  Rapidly
}     running out of air, you struggle to reach the surface, but your
}     foot is caught under a rock.  At the last possible moment you
}     evolve and develop gills.  Breathing water with ease, you free your
}     foot from the rock and swim out of the river.  Whew!  What an
}     exciting day!  You decide to go home and relax with a little
}     Web-surfing. -- Go to paragraph 10.
}
} 12) You approach a passerby, attempting to ignore the contemptuous look
}     he is giving the "Star Trek" insignia you are wearing on your
}     lapel.  Do you say:
}     -- "Excuse me, do you know what time it is?"  If so, go to
}        paragraph 7.
}     -- "So, who was a better starship captain, Kirk or Picard?"  If so,
}        go to paragraph 8.
}
} Hmm, doesn't look very good for you, supplicant.  Ah well.
}
} You owe the Oracle an "Oh my god, they killed the supplicant!  You
} bastards!" T-shirt.


1033-03    (27lvb dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <fungaroc@gusun.georgetown.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Tell me oh great Oracle, whose divine knowledge and inspired
> eloquence is the ambrosia of my days, whose presence in my
> inbox makes my heart pound like a schoolboy viewing his first
> naked pictures...
>
> What exactly IS the difference between 6 of one, and half-dozen of
> the other?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oracle: Come closer, Supplicant.
}
} Supplicant: [timidly] Are you going to hurt me?
}
} Oracle: Of course not.  Come closer.
}
} [Supplicant creeps slowly forward].
}
} Oracle: Which would you prefer, six of these Hershey's kisses, or half
} a dozen of those raw chicken livers?
}
} Supplicant: [slightly nauseated] The chocolate.
}
} Oracle: Right!  Here you go!  [Hands Supplicant 6 Hershey's kisses].
} What do we learn from this?
}
} Supplicant: I prefer six of one?
}
} Oracle: No, let's try again.  Would you like six kisses from Nancy
} Reagan, or a half-dozen kisses from Cindy Crawford.
}
} Supplicant: [hopeful] Cindy Crawford!
}
} Oracle: Right again! [Cindy Crawford appears, gives the Supplicant 6
} sisterly kisses (3 on each cheek), then disappears]
}
} Oracle: Now, what have we learned here?
}
} Supplicant: Sometimes I prefer a half-dozen of the other?
}
} Oracle: Better, but not quite right.  Final lesson: Would you prefer
} six of these [punches the Supplicant once with the left hand] or a half
} dozen of these [punches the Supplicant once with the right hand]?
}
} Supplicant: [bruised, grumbling, but not really hurt] It doesn't
} matter.
}
} Oracle: What was that again?
}
} Supplicant: IT DOESN'T MATTER!
}
} Oracle: By George, I think you've got it!  Here ya go!  [Supplicant
}  winces. Oracle gives the Supplicant some aspirin]. What else have we
}  learned?
}
} Supplicant: That the Oracle can be a malicious son-of-a-[censored] when
} he wants to be.
}
} Oracle: Right again!  Smartest Supplicant I've had in weeks.
}
} You owe the Oracle six Hershey's kisses, half a dozen kisses from Cindy
} Crawford, and nothing else.


1033-04    (3emkd dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Otis Viles <cierhart@ic.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>    Solve the Crime #72:
>
>    The report says that Truth and Falsehood went bathing;
>    Falsehood came first out of the water, and dressed herself in
>    Truth's garments. Truth, unwilling to take those of Falsehood, went
>    naked.
>
>    Is the Truth still naked? What had Falsehood -been- wearing?
>    What kind of clothes did Truth have stolen? Is Falsehood still
>    wearing Truth's threads?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} [Rustle, rustle . . .] Ah, here it is -- the police report:
}
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} Date: Days of Yore             Time: 9:32 PM
}
} Name of Complainant: Veracity Q. Truth
}
} Nature of Complaint: Accusation of petty theft by Mendacia Falsehood
}   (see below)
}
} Details and notes:
}
}    Ms. Truth alleges that during a private moment with Ms. Falsehood,
}    her long-term companion, an argument broke out (about Ms.
}    Falsehood's alleged relationship with one Fama Rumor, K.C.B.). Ms.
}    Falsehood allegedly got out of the tub they were in at the time, put
}    on the clothing Ms. Truth had been wearing previously, and left
}    their Greenwich Village apartment. Ms. Truth reports that, after
}    recovering from the shock of her friend's sudden departure, she got
}    out of the tub herself, and came directly to the police station,
}    nude. (Her exact words: "The b**** took all my clothes, and I
}    wouldn't touch anything of *hers* now if she begged me.")
}
}      [Officer's note: After calming down, Ms. Truth accepted a
}      rain poncho lent to her by Sgt. Consideration.]
}
}    Ms. Truth wishes to press charges against Ms. Falsehood for the
}    alleged theft of the following items:
}
}       1) The Blouse of Honesty (blue poplin)
}       2) The Slacks of Sincerity (khaki)
}       3) The Brassiere of Probity (white silk)
}       4) The Undergarment of Candor (cotton, floral pattern)
}       5) The Shoes of Frankness (brown, low heel)
}       6) One pair of socks "of no metaphysical significance"
}
}      [Officer's note: After registering her complaint, and offering
}      to take a lie-detector test (no polygraph machine was available),
}      Ms. Truth telephoned a friend (Ms. Hyperbole M. Exaggeration --
}      see attached sheet for contact information), with whom she said
}      she will be staying "for a few days, till I cool off".
}
}      Ms. Exaggeration arrived while Ms. Truth was in the rest room;
}      when the situation was explained to her, she laughed and told
}      Officer Attention: "It's only the thousandth tiff like this
}      they've had. 'A few days,' my a** -- a million bucks says
}      they're back finishing that bath by this time tomorrow."]
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
}
} You owe the Oracle a beer at the Meow Mix.


1033-05    (hvh43 dist, 2.2 mean)
Selected-By: Otis Viles <cierhart@ic.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, great Oracle, who always knows where the TV remote is,
>
> What would a Red Dwarf/Babylon 5 crossover be like?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
}
}                             Bar the doors!
}
}                          Leave the lights on!
}
}               IT WILL NOT DIE AND IT'S IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!
}
}  -x-x-x-x-x-  The Crossover Question That Would Not Die! -x-x-x-x-x-
}
}                 Coming way too soon to a queue near you.
}
}                  not recommended for mature audiences
}
}                      A "lost remote" Production
}
}                               (c) 1998
}
} ++~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+


1033-06    (3asjc dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Otis Viles <cierhart@ic.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please Pick Three:
>
> Leonardo Da Vinci
> Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
> Jules Verne
> William Shakespeare
> Sir Issac Newton
> Galieo
> Werner Van Braun
> Jane Austen
> Aaron Burr
> Albert Einstein
> Alexander the Great
> Annie Oakley
> Copernicus
> Douglas Mac Arthur
> Edgar Allen Poe
> Indra Ghandi
> Jane Goodall
> Joan of Arc
> Joesph Stalin
> Jonas Salk
> Julius Caesar
> Katherine the Great
> Copernicus
> Douglas Mac Arthur
> Edgar Allen Poe
> Indra Ghandi
> Jane Goodall
> Joan of Arc
> Joesph Stalin
> Jonas Salk
> Julius Caesar
> Katherine the Great
> Louis Pasteur
> Mao Tse-Tung
> Marget Thatcher
> Marie Curie
> Mark Twain
> Mary Leakey
> Mary Queen of Scots
> Orville Wright
> Percivel Lowell
> Richard Nixon
> Ronald Regean
> Rudyard Kipling
> Siddhartha Guatama
> Neil Armstrong

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oracle:  ... You owe fifteen still-warm woodchuck eardrums.  Next
} question, let's see...
}
} *reads through list*
}
} Great scott!  Zadoc!  Hoi, Zadoc!  Attend me now, worm!
}
} *Zadoc runs in, and in a perfectly executed move, falls to the ground
} face-first at the exact moment his forward momentum ceases*
}
} Zadoc:  You called, oh great one, whose splendiferousness is
} unequalled, whose...
}
} O:  We don't have time for that now.  It seems Professor Moriarty is
} going to try to assassinate three key figures in history.
}
} Z:  Forgive me for asking, oh wisest of the wise, but how...
}
} O:  He has sent us a list of historical figures.  From the inclusion of
} Sir Arthur Conan Doyle on the second line, we derive his identity.
} Remember, Moriarty was an expert on binomial theory.  Moreover, his
} plot is made crystal clear by the name directly beneath: Jules Verne.
} To the time transference booths, and quickly!
}
} *The tale of the capture of Moriarty is further chronicled in The
} Adventure of the Red Siamese Fighting Herring.  For brevity, we now
} skip to the closing page.*
}
} Moriarty:  Good show, Oracle.  Since I will be spending time in prison,
} I don't suppose you would tell me exactly how you figured out which
} three to protect.
}
} Z:  Yes, oh mighty-minded one, how did you do it?
}
} O:  Observation and deduction, my good sir.  You included twelve names
} starting with J, but five were duplicates.  It was child's play to
} deduce that Julius Caesar was one of the three, because his name
} doesn't even start with a J.  It starts with an I, as J had not been
} invented at that time.  Your attempt on Mark Twain was even easier to
} detect, partly because of his given name, Samuel Clemens, but mostly on
} account of his writings. You despised them, loathed them.  Your highly
} educated mind could not stand the way he twisted the American dialect
} to his needs.
}
} Z:  But what about the attempt on Albert Einstein, oh he whose
} fingernails are perfectly trimmed and buffed in a somehow purely
} masculine manner?
}
} O:  *chuckles*  The third attempt was the most obvious yet.  Moriarty
} despises puns, and if he succeded, he would not have to hear the one
} that is coming up.  What did Einstein flunk out of?
}
} Z:  *light finally dawns*  Oh, you mean...
}
} O:  Yes.  Elementary, dear Zadoc, elementary.
}
} M:  *groans as if in pain*
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of Moriarty's diary, detailing how he escaped
} from his fall over the Falls, his discovery of a temporal dislocation
} machine, and two hundred bags of Hain White Cheddar Mini Rice Cakes
} from before they were discontinued.  Time travel gives me such an
} appetite.


1033-07    (6fwb8 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Most splendidly audacious Oracle;
>
> Over in rec.arts.books.tolkien they think they have finally solved the
> problem of how to find enough "little" people to play the hobbits in a
> Lord of the Rings film; hire the NBA to play everyone that's not a
> hobbit.
>
> What do you think? Will it work?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ah, you would of course be referring to the doomed "Bored of the Rings"
} movie. I think the best way to show you it's shortcomings is a short
} clip:
}
} Frodo: Strider! Strider! Can you sing us a song?
} Strider (Played by Hakeem Olajuwon): [picks up harp, *strum* {slightly
} flat}] Oh Elerbret! Oh Gamalel ...
} Frodo: Err, Excuse me for interrupting, Strider, but I thought the song
} went [*strum* {perfect pitch}]
}       A Elbereth Gilthoniel!
}       silivren penna mM-Lriel
}       o menel aglar elenath!
}       Na-chaered palan-dM-Lriel
}       o galadhremmin ennorath,
}       Fanuilos, le linnathon
}       nef aear, sM-L nef aearon!
} Strider: Oh ... [shrug] ... could be.
}
} Possibly the best scene in the movie at that. It is a very painful
} movie to watch. The only redeeming quality was seeing Dennis Rodman aka
} "the worm" play Gollum. Verrrry convincing, precioussss.
} <Ahem>
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of Snow White and the seven dwarves, starring
} Rebecca Lobo.


1033-08    (2gug8 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Mighty Oracle who could rent a car with his bare hands if he so wished
> to do so, please answer my question;
>
> How does one care for a paper tiger?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Paper Tiger (tigra papayra) is an endangered species, hunted
} to near extension by it's natural predator Scissors, and by also by
} Man, who does unspeakable atrocities to it in the name of "recycling".
} I have never heard a more hideous euphemism for shredding a living
} being (they don't even bother to kill them first most of the time),
} mashing the tiny pieces of its corpse into a pulp, spreading it flat
} to dry, and then selling it as newsprint or packaging material.
}
} If you are currently in possession of a Paper Tiger, please turn
} yourself in at the nearest branch of the Fish and Wildlife Service.
}
} Should you encounter one in the wild, please observe only from a
} distance, as it is a rather delicate animal.  Any contact you make,
} or even if you startle it so that it bumps into something, could
} cause it to receive an injury.  Even a minor cut or tear will
} eventually spread and destroy the animal.  Specially trained
} veterinary units equipped with tape can save some, but not all of
} these noble beasts.
}
} Under no circumstances should you try to restrain a Paper Tiger with
} paper clips or staples.  This will injure the tiger and it will attack,
} leaving you with some seriously nasty paper cuts.
}
} You owe the Oracle product packaging free from recycled Paper Tigers.


1033-09    (4kqg6 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Forbes, Michael Scott (Scott)" <trans@lucent.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> It is I once again, the forlorn owl salesman.  I've tried selling owls
> in Athens, and it's like coals to Newcastle, nobody is interested.
> Perhaps you can suggest what I should do.  All these hungry owls.  You
> are a wise person.  Would you like to buy a pair of them?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You are in the wrong business at the wrong time, though it -was- a nice
} touch taking the owls to Athens, I'm sure Athena smiled at that.
}
} <sigh> See owls represent wisdom, stoic virtues and an ability to work
} alone. None of the attributes of modern man. I say let the owls go and
} go into a line of pets that today's humans can identify with, like,
} say..., gimme a second...squirrels? No, squirrels prepare for the
} future by saving. Cows? Dumb and happy as long as they have food and...
} oh dear; productive. Hmm, well two outta three. . . Wood ticks?
}
} I'll get back to you.


1033-10    (6nq98 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@wiley.csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, who knows every password ever typed,
>
> I thought it might be cool if I could hack into God's computer and
> start up world peace and prosperity. It would help if I knew its
> address and what operating system it's running....

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} He doesn't have that program anymore. We had to take it off to make
} room for Earthquake 9.9, -had- made backups, but then they got
} overwritten by mistake. <shrug> World Peace was a boring game anyway.
} You should see the cool Earthquake tha The Big Guy has planned for
} August. Wow. I'd stay clear of Mexico City if I was a human.
}
} You owe the Oracle a bowl of jello.


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