} [The Oracle gets the team into a huddle. He speaks].
} OK, I want you all to remember that Football is a team sport. I want
} every one of you to pass the ball to me. Oh, and we need some
} diversionary measures. (whisper whisper whisper).
} [The game, and commentary resumes]
} Yes, The Internet Oracle himself has taken the field. He talks to his
} team. Jim, what can we expect from this?
} Well Bob, few teams have ever fielded immortal beings. That's bound to
} help him tackle with confidence.
} The kick has been taken, wisely at least twenty yards clear of the
} position of The Internet Oracle and OH MY THE INTERNET ORACLE HAS
} INTERCEPTED THE PASS. HE's running. He's running. It's a touchdown, NO!
} The Internet Oracle, despite having cleared all defenders, has run back
} from the line, he appears to be trying to run circles around every
} opposing team member while thumbing his nose at them. This is rather
} bizarre behavior, but it seems to be working.
} Bob, The Oracle Priesthood has generally started acting bizarre. I
} mean, even more bizarre than normal. Mark Lawrence is .... I believe
} eating dirt. Is that a spoon?
} I believe that's a fork Jim. But look. Kirsten Chevalier and Scott
} Forbes have removed all their clothes and appear to be nude folk
} And that's not the half of it, it appears that Ross Clement is
} attempting to teach the referee a Maori war dance.
} And the ref. is catching on fast, but look at the group lead by Dave
} Hemming. I believe that they are building a sand castle somewhere
} around the thirty yard line. Isn't that Alyce Wilson digging a moat
} around it, and oh my, Steve Kinzler appears to be trying to fill it by,
} erm, 'making water'. Other priests, including Joshua Poulson are
} joining in and, yes, the moat is definitely filling. Julianna Avedon
} has just lit some fireworks, and LOOK AT THAT! It's like the whole sky
} was full of red and blue stars.
} Other priests have joined in on the filing of the moat, this is most
} strange. I don't believe I've ever seen professional football players
} start burrowing before. At least not with ice-cream sticks. The
} opposing team are standing around open mouthed and oh dear, look what's
} just happened to the one standing open mouthed near Otis Viles. I think
} I'm going to throw up.
} But, look at The Internet Oracle, he is now running around the field
} on his hands, holding the ball between his feet, but still the opposing
} team are at a loss to tackle him. Jim! The Oracle is heading for the
} goalposts and ....
} Yes, THE ORACLE SCORES!!!!! The Oracle hopped 10 yards on his right
} little finger between the posts, and SCORES!!! The crowd goes wild
} including a sizable group of what appear to be Neanderthals in the west
} stand who have started roasting a mammoth above a fire fed by cheap
} plastic chairs. But with only 30 seconds of the game remaining a single
} touchdown, no matter how impressive, will hardly .... wha??????? The
} Oracle Priesthood lead 10,000 to 34. The Internet Oracle has scored
} ..... erm, .... 10,000 points with a single touchdown. Bob, how did he
} manage to do it? I can find nothing in the rulebooks about this.
} Jim, I don't know. It's completely beyond my comprehension.
} Yes, and it's victory to The Oracle Priesthood, with a record score of
} 10,000 to 34, a winning margin of 9,966, beating the previous largest
} winning margin by 9,812 points. This is certainly a day for the record
} books. Tom, are you ready to interview The Internet Oracle?
} Thanks Bob. I'm down here on the pitch with The Internet Oracle. Massed
} priests wearing kilts, full face tattoos, nothing at all in some cases,
} space suits, animal skins, and three varieties of vegan yogurt are
} celebrating behind me, but The Internet Oracle remains tacturn. Mr
} Oracle, can you please tell us how you managed to score 10,000 points
} with a single touchdown?
} Easy, I am a omnipotent being you know. I can do anything.
} Well, if you're an omnipotent being, why did you need your team to
} engage in such a wide variety of diversionary measures?
} I didn't. They just needed the exercise. And Kirsten's and Mark's
} underwear, well let's just say that it needed a bit of an airing, to
} say the least. And this grass, it's nitrate deficient. The 'moat'
} should brighten it up considerably for the next game if you let it soak
} But, why so bizarre diversions?
} You think that was bizarre? You should see what they get up to when
} they think I'm not looking. Like *weird* man.
} And there you have it. Another game won by The Oracle Priesthood in the
} dying minutes of the game. We now return you to motor racing where The
} Internet Oracle has just won at Road Atlanta, oh, and then to track and
} field events where The Internet Oracle has won the 100, 200, 400, 800,
} 1600, 5000, 10,000 metre and marathon events held simultaneously and
} [The announcer falls down in a faint].
} .... You owe The Oracle a pogo stick and some money for a little wager
} I'm going to make with NASA.