} You were about to go on telling me how wonderful I am.
} You were going to tell me that I am wiser than Solomon, stronger
} than Hercules, more virile than Clinton, faster than Carl Lewis,
} more powerful than a locomotive, more ubiquitous than "MAKE MONEY
} FAST," more flavorful than Folgers Crystals, smarter than Einstein,
} richer than Bill Gates, more user-friendly than the iMac, sexier
} than Fabio, a better seducer than Casanova, more knowledgable than
} the Oxford English Dictionary, wittier than Oscar Wilde, more ironic
} than ra-i-i-n on your wedding day, brighter than the Morning Star,
} sharper than a katana, more historic than the Battle of Waterloo,
} deadlier than the guillotine, happier than a clam at high tide,
} funkier than George Clinton, more prolific than Isaac Asimov, better
} built than Arnold Schwarzenegger, more literate than the entire
} English department at Harvard University, a better director than
} Alfred Hitchcock, more famous than Monica Lewinsky, higher-grossing
} than Titanic, more explosive than Little Boy, smoother than a baby's
} behind, hotter than hell, more devious than a team of feral lawyers,
} a better writer than Shakespeare, a bigger star than DiCaprio, a
} better programmer than Linus Torvalds, faster than a speeding bullet,
} tougher than an Organic Chemistry final, funnier than the green golf
} ball joke, more flexible than Nadia Comaneci, more useful than a
} whole set of Ginsu knives, a better comic than Seinfeld, higher than
} a kite, slipperier than an eel, studlier than the Tick, calmer than
} a Buddhist monk, bloodthirstier than Cthulu, more energetic than a
} hyperactive 3-year-old, more in control than the black helicopters,
} a better late-night choice than Jay Leno, more up-to-date than the New
} York Times, a higher seller than John Grisham, bigger than a breadbox,
} more charismatic than Jim Jones, and an all-around nice guy.
} But you didn't get around to all of it. I understand.
} Better luck next time.
} You owe the Oracle some superlatives he didn't think of.