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} It already has, supplicant. It already has.
}
} The date: Three weeks ago
} The time: 2:00 AM, local time.
} The place: War Strategy room, Military headquarters,
} Moscow, Russia.
} The scene: Chaos. Twelve generals are vying for position,
} each accompanied by an aid.
}
} Aid #1 [Looking at large monitor]: There it is again!
}
} General #7: It may have just been a bird, or something.
} It doesn't have to...
}
} General #1 [Interrupting]: No, there it is again.
}
} General #4: But what does it mean?
}
} Aid #4: It could be American fighters, sir.
}
} General #1: Well, I don't know, really.
}
} General #4: I think that it could be American fighters.
}
} General #1: I never thought of that. But what shall we do?
}
} Aid #6: Sir, we should try to contact the Americans.
} See if they know anything.
}
} General #7: I still think it could be a bird, or something.
}
} Aid #7: We should try to find out.
}
} General #7: But I'm not sure, of course. We should try to find
} out.
}
} General #6: We should try to contact the Americans. See if they
} know anything.
}
} General #7: Perhaps.
}
} Aid #1: That sounds like an excellent suggestion, sir.
}
} General #1: Well, that sounds like an excellent suggestion.
}
} Aid #4: Then let's do it.
}
} General #4: Then let's do it.
}
} Aid #7: We really should do it.
}
} General #7: We really should do it.
}
} [Long pause, while nothing happens.]
}
} Aid #4: Let's send someone, right now.
}
} General #4: So, what are we waiting for? Let's send someone,
} right now.
}
} Aid #6: Sir, you do it.
}
} General #6: I'll volunteer. [Leaves room]
}
} Aid #9: Well, we shouldn't do anything until General Yatcha
} returns.
}
} General #9: Has General Yatcha returned yet?
}
} Aid #4: He just this second left the room! Give him a minute!
}
} General #9: Does anyone know? Has General Yatcha returned yet?
}
} General #4: He just this second left the room! Give him a
} minute!
}
} [Long pause where nobody speaks]
}
} Aid #6: [whispering] Do they say EVERYTHING we tell them to say?
}
} Aid #7: I don't know. It sure seems like it.
}
} General #7: I don't know. It sure seems like it.
}
} Aid #6: Hey, this could be fun!
}
} Aid #1: Sir, I think you have to go to the bathroom.
}
} General #6: [smiling at monitor] This could actually be fun!
}
} General #1 [standing] If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I think I
} have to go to the bathroom.
}
} Aid #8: Sir, you should go with him.
}
} General #8 [standing] Michael! Wait up; I'll go with you!
}
} Aid #2: It looks like *all* of the Generals have to go!
}
} General #2 [standing] Let's all go!
}
} [They all leave]
}
} Aid #6: Now what?
}
} Aid #5: Now we do anything we want, until they come back!
}
} Aid #8: Maybe we could send them all to bed?
}
} Aid #3: Whatever we do, we have to do it quick. My general can
} perform a strict military pee in 22 seconds.
}
} Aid #5: I know, I know! American Consumer Goods! Now's our
} chance!
}
} Aid #7: Oh yes. I've been saving an American catalog since they
} were all capatilist pigs!
}
} Aid #4: [Laughs at this]
}
} Aid #7: Here it is, the ultimate description of depravity and
} consumerism: The Sears Mail-Order Catalog.
}
} Aid #1: Blue jeans! Blue jeans!
}
} Aid #4: [Still laughing]
}
} Aid #3: Digital Cameras!
}
} Aid #9: American women standing in their underwear!
}
} Aid #5: Sony Playstation!
}
} Aid #4: Hey, that isn't American, it's Japanese!
}
} Aid #5: Who cares? Every American family owns two, so I want one
} too!
}
} Aid #9: Hey, what was that?
}
} Aid #5: What was what?
}
} Aid #9: It looked like a gun. But I thought you were in the toys.
}
} Aid #5: It's a toy gun. Wait a second. [Taking out
} Russian-English dictionary]
}
} Aid #6: That will take too long. Give it to me. [Reading]
} It's a gun, but the ammunition is made from FOAM!
}
} Aid #9: A foam gun?
}
} Aid #7: Well, not really. It doesn't actually squirt foam at you.
} It shoots little missles made from foam. I have one.
}
} Aid #3: You liar!
}
} Aid #7: No, really. I have one. My cousin from America came to
} visit three years ago. He brought the gun with him. It
} is called "NERF" which is American contraction. My
} cousin said it means "NERD FOAM".
}
} Aid #11: That doesn't sound right. The American word for Nerd
} is "DWEEB" and the American word for Foam is
} "STYROFOAM." If that's what it meant, they would call
} it DWEEROFOAM instead of NERF.
}
} Aid #7: All I know is, that's what my cousin told me. Why would
} he lie?
}
} Aid #3: I told you he was a liar.
}
} Aid #7: Oh, yeah?
}
} Aid #3: Go on, prove it, I dare you!
}
} Aid #7: Alright, I will! Wait right here! [Leaves]
}
} Aid #1: He really does have an American cousin. I was with him
} when he visited.
}
} Aid #3: And did he tell you what NERF meant?
}
} [Generals return]
}
} Aid #1: I don't know. I wasn't there for that part.
}
} General #1: Gentlemen, I wasn't there for that part.
}
} Aid #6: Sir, what did you find out from the Americans?
}
} General #6: Well, now what did we find out from the Americans?
}
} Aid #6: You should tell them now.
}
} General #6: Oh, that's right, let me tell you. I contacted the
} Americans. They said it was a Russian commuter
} plane. Good thing we didn't shoot it down, huh?
}
} General #2: Is it too late to shoot it down?
}
} Aid #2: No, sir, you don't want to shoot it down. It's a false
} alarm.
}
} Aid #6: It's late. We should all get some sleep.
}
} General #2: You know, I really don't think we *should* shoot
} it down. It's probably a false lamp.
}
} Aid #2: Alarm.
}
} General #2: ALARM! ALARM! What's going on?
}
} Aid #2: False alarm, sir. It's just a false alarm.
}
} Aid #4: We should *ALL* get some sleep.
}
} General #2: Don't scare me like that! I think it was just
} another false alarm. We've had a lot of those today!
}
} General #6: It's late. We should all get some sleep. What do you
} think, Jakob?
}
} General #7: [Looks for his aid, can't find him] Think? Think?
} Uh, think... Hmmm...
}
} Aid #7 [returning] A-HA! [Shoots NERF arrow into the room] I'll
} blast you all into the sky!
}
} General #7: A-HA! Blast them all into the sky! [Presses button]
}
} So you see, supplicant, a little Nerf can be a dangerous thing.
}
} You owe the Oracle a Super-Soaker 5000.
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