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Internet Oracularities #1069

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Internet Oracularities #1069    (70 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1998 12:29:47 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate,
send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject
line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   1069
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1069  70 votes 1bxi7 2dola 79sh9 2cwi6 shg72 4fpl5 ffqc2 2bfgq 4bokb 5hoj5
1069  3.1 mean  3.3   3.3   3.2   3.2   2.1   3.1   2.6   3.8   3.3   3.0


1069-01    (1bxi7 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> THE MATERIAL EMBODIED ON THIS QUESTION IS PROVIDED
> TO YOU "AS-IS" AND WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND,
> EXPRESS, IMPLIED OR OTHERWISE, INCLUDING WITHOUT
> LIMITATION, ANY WARRANTY OF MERCHANTABILITY OR
> FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. IN NO EVENT SHALL
> THE AUTHOR OF THIS QUESTION BE LIABLE TO YOU OR
> ANYONE ELSE FOR ANY DIRECT, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL,
> INDIRECT OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES OF ANY KIND, OR
> ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER, INCLUDING WITHOUT
> LIMITATION, LOSS OF PROFIT, LOSS OF USE, SAVINGS OR
> REVENUE, OR THE CLAIMS OF THIRD PARTIES, WHETHER
> OR NOT THE AUTHOR OF THE QUESTION HAS BEEN ADVISED
> OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH LOSS, HOWEVER CAUSED AND
> ON ANY THEORY OF LIABILITY, ARISING OUT OF OR IN
> CONNECTION WITH THE POSSESSION, USE OR PERFORMANCE
> OF THIS QUESTION.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} By reading the first three words of this answer, you ("SUPPLICANT")
} agree to pay the Current Incarnation Of The Internet Oracle
} ("INCARNATION") a sum of $10,000,000 or the equivalent servitude of
} SUPPLICANT's entire extended family at the rate of not more than $0.72
} per hour, at the sole discretion of INCARNATION.  SUPPLICANT also
} agrees that if this, the Incomparably Witty Answer Of The Internet
} Oracle ("ANSWER") is published in the Annals That Will Withstand Time
} Due To Their Extremely High Running-Gag Content ("ORACULARITIES") along
} with SUPPLICANT's Pathetic Whining Grovel-Less Mumblings ("QUESTION"),
} that SUPPLICANT will surrender any royalties thereto to INCARNATION,
} regardless of how highly the QUESTION and ANSWER are regarded amongst
} the ORACULARTIES and how many women throw themselves at INCARNATION.
}
} In the event that SUPPLICANT can not pay as required by INCARNATION,
} SUPPLICANT must then be confined to an Institution For The Mentally
} Challenged ("FUNNY FARM") where he shall spend The Rest Of His Days
} ("ETERNITY") writing ANSWERs to QUESTIONs given thereto to him,
} required to limit his ANSWERs to those involving Lisa, Og, Bill Gates,
} Linux's superiority, and typing in the manner that a foreigner would
} speak.
}
} SUPPLICANT is hereby notified that SUPPLICANT owes The Internet Oracle
} another law firm.  Thanks to INCARNATION, my current one will never
} speak to me again.


1069-02    (2dola dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oracle most economical, who can speak fluent Virtual Icelandic with
> no unforced violations of Procrastinate, please tell me:
>
> Is movement driven by attraction or by greed?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} By Greed. Attraction has tried several times to get its driving
} licence, but fails every time after the driving instructor gets angry
} after it refuses his passes. Greed just slipped him a few dollars and
} got it first time.
}
} You owe The Oracle some expensive aftershave and Attraction's phone
} number.


1069-03    (79sh9 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> We know the answer to "How much wood would a woodchuck
> chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
>
> A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as woodchuck could chuck... If a
> woodchuck could chuck wood. (how-bout dem apples?)
>
> Ok, but how many woodchucks would a woodchuck chucker chuck if a
> woodchuck chucker could chuck woodchucks?
>
> Once you've figured that out, move on to the advanced puzzle:
> How many woodchuck chuckers would a woodhcuck chucker chucker chuck if
> a woodchuck chucker chucker could chuck woodchuck chuckers?
>
> well... the (woodchuck chucker) could chuck as many (woodchucks) as a
> (woodchuck chucker) would chuck if a (woodchuck chucker) could chuck
> (woodchucks). But only if he wanted to chuck as many (woodchucks) as a
> (woodchuck chucker) could chuck, would he chuck as many (woodchucks) as
> a (woodchuck chucker) could chuck. Thats up to the (woodchuck chucker).
> simple.
>
> and... the (woodchuck chucker chucker) could chuck as many (woodchuck
> chuckers) as a (woodchuck chucker chucker) would chuck if a (woodchuck
> chucker chucker) could chuck (woodc>could chuck, would he chuck as many
> (woodchuck chuckers) as a (woodchuck chucker chucker) could chuck.
> Thats up to the (woodchuck chucker chucker). easy.
>
> now a tuffer one...
> how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that could and
> would chuck as much wood as he could got chucked by a woodchuck chucker
> in the middle of his wood chucking?
>
> a little more advanced form...
> how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that might
> chuck wood, was chucked by a woodchuck chucker during his wood chucking?
>
> a little crazier...
> how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that might
> chuck wood, was chucked by a woodchuck chucker that might chuck
> woodchucks, during his wood chucking?
>
> a little insane...
> how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that might
> chuck wood, was chucked by a woodchuck chucker that might chuck
> woodchucks and who was in turn chucked by a woodchuck chucker chucker
> during his woodchuck chucking?
>
> way to far...
> how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that could and
> would chuck wood hired a woodchuck chucker chucker as a bodyguard so he
> could chuck his wood unmolested by woodchuck chuckers?
>
> someone stop me...
> how much wood would actually get chucked if the woodchucks formed a
> gang of woodchucks to ward off the woodchuck chuckers who were invading
> their turf?
>
> I need help...
> how much wood would actually get chucked if there were no woodchucks
> around and out of boredom the woodchuck chuckers decide to give wood
> chucking a try.
>
> my brain hurts...
> How many woodchuck chuckers would a woodchuck chucker chucker chuck if
> the woodchucks came to the aid of the woodchuck chucker chuckers?
>
> my ears are bleeding...
> How many woodchuck chuckers would a woodchuck chucker chucker chuck
> if the woodchucks came to the aid of the woodchuck chuckers? must...
> get... a... life...  How many woodchuck chuckers would a woodchuck
> chuck if motivated ?....

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Look I warned you guys. All of you supplicants think that you can just
} ask the woodchuck question once to look tough in front of your peers.
} But, it's once, it's twice, and before you know it you're mainlining
} on woodchuck questions morning, evening, and night. You're resorting
} to petty crime to afford your next fix of replacement w, o, d, c,
} h, u, ad k keys for your keyboard. And the worst of it is, you start
} building up a tolerance, and a simple woodchuck question doesn't supply
} the same hit that it used to do. Oh no, now you're typing longer and
} longer woodchuck questions, long enough to kill someone who doesn't
} have the tolerance. And on it goes, until you're, ...... I mean look at
} you supplicant, you're an unwashed, wild-eyed, gibbering, slavering,
} incoherent wreck. (Editing Priest's Note: Most oracle users start
} off this way, I don't think you've demonstrated any ill-effects of
} asking woodchuck questions).
}
} Shut up Otis, *I* write the answer, you just decide whether it gets
} in the digest or not.
}
} (You think I'm going to put *this* in the digest?)
}
} Yes supplicant, the only hope for you now is to completely give up,
} go cold chicken. Yes, nothing but variations on 'why did the chicken
} cross the road?' questions for three months, and if you can make it,
} there might be hope.
}
} You owe The Oracle a list of nouns that are comprised of a noun and
} an verb that can take that noun as an object, and a rusty hypodermic
} needle.


1069-04    (2cwi6 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> You want answers?
>
> } I want the TRUTH!!
>
> YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} At least, not until now.
}
} Now, ALL THAT HAS CHANGED!!!
}
} Because, at last, Zimbo bring you new protective gloves for the
} Incarnation who needs to handle the Truth.
}
} Woven from toughened and morally stiffened fibres, the new Truth-O-Grab
} gloves offer all the comfort of calfskin, with the hard-wearing
} qualities of denim, and the protection of a kevlar condom.
}
} o Handle Truth with ease.
} o Hold Conversations in comfort.
} o Grasp Tenets with the surehandedness of a Bum-Faced Mountain
}   Goat with Hands.
} o Finger the Entrails of Poisonous Mythical Beasts with Impunity.
}
} Only Truth-O-Grab offers you all this!
}
} BUT...there's MORE!
}
} Order two pairs of Truth-O-Grabs, and we'll throw in a
} specially-designed set of rubber toe-stalls, ABSOLUTELY FREE!
}
} Order now. Phone 1-800-555-ORACLE. Lines may be busy, so if you can't
} get through now, please call later. But do call.


1069-05    (shg72 dist, 2.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Michael A. Atkinson" <chaos@enteract.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> () |-|   |\/| () _|~ ~|~   \/\/ | _|~ 3   () |\| 3 ,
>
> |-| 3 |_ |^   |\/| 3 !   _|~ () |\/| 3 () |\| 3   |-| /-\ _|~
>
> _|~ ~|~ () |_ 3 |\|   /-\ |_ |_   ~|~ |-| 3   |_ 3 ~|~ ~|~ 3 |\ _|~
>
> |~ |\ () |\/|   |\/| _\/   |< 3 _\/ |3 () /-\ |\ |> !
>
> \/\/ |-| /-\ ~|~   ( /-\ |\|   |   |> () ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} |\/| 3 ~|~ |-| | |\| |< _|~   ~|~ |-| /-\ ~|~  _\/ () |_|   |\| 3 3 |>
} ~|~ ()  _|~ ~|~ () |^   3 /-\ ~|~ I |\| (-  |_ 3 ~|~ ~|~ 3 |\ _|~
} |= |\ () |\/|  _\/ () |_| |\  |< 3 _\/ |3 () /-\ |\ |>.


1069-06    (4fpl5 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> 164.100.100.1

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm sorry, but your question "164.100.100.1" actually contains
} a secret message hidden within its digits. Properly decoded, your
} secret message says:
} ~~~
} Bruno,
} I have the goods waiting for you below the docks, handcuffed to a
} large man wearing a ski mask and a party hat, holding a baseball
} bat and a football.  Bring a small watch that ticks with you. Simply
} tell the man, "I have a squirrel in my head", and he will give you
} the goods. Unfortunately, my pet cat ate the key to the handcuffs,
} so you will have to either take the large man with you, or bash open
} the suitcase with the goods. DO NOT USE HIS BASEBALL BAT FOR BASHING
} THE SUITCASE OPEN! If you do so, the large man will decapitate you.
} (Apparently, he is very fond of his baseball bat, named "Princess",
} and doesn't take too kindly to men using it to bash open suitcases
} filled with goods). Instead, the football the large man is carrying
} will serve much better. Be cautious - if you whack the suitcase too
} hard, the goods will be damaged. We wouldn't want that now, would we?
} After you have removed the goods from the suitcase - RUN LIKE HELL!
} Don't drop your small watch that ticks, either. You know as well
} as I do that large men wearing ski masks and party hats handcuffed
} to a bashed-open empty suitcase, while holding a baseball bat
} named "Princess" and a slightly-damaged football get very angry
} very easily.  After you have obtained the goods, a Ford Pinto will
} drive up by the docks.  Get in the Pinto and tell the driver "Many
} green cows will trample houses in France at midnight." Then, open
} the door and jump out of the Pinto when it reaches 15 miles per hour.
} The large man will have set a car bomb inside. Be sure to watch out
} and avoid any flaming debris. Now, you'll have to walk to the First
} National Bank, and ask the cashier to get you safe deposit box 137.
} When the cashier gives you the safe deposit box, throw it at him/her,
} and scream "I told you to get me box number 138!". Run out of the bank
} mumbling something about a Tibetian man who has your cat food. By this
} time, a bus filled with nuns will be passing the bank. Wave for the
} driver to stop, enter the bus, and ask if Sister Mary Elizabeth is on
} the bus. She will actually be easy to spot, as Sister Mary Elizabeth
} always dresses in bright yellow, has a nose ring, and has a happyface
} tatooed on her forehead. Deliver the goods to Sister Mary Elizabeth,
} and she will give you a small black box tied with twine. Run out of
} the bus, and find the nearest post office. As I've told you before,
} you should have a small watch with you. Slice open the twine, and put
} the watch inside. The only other thing inside the box will be a scrap
} of paper with the number "143.214.57.32" inside. THIS IS CRUCIAL.
} Knot the twine together, run to the head of whatever large line has
} formed inside the post office, slam the black box on the counter,
} and say in a thick accent, "I need this.... *ahem* package delivered
} post-post haste to the White House immediately. Keep it away from
} any flames. Here is 100 United States dollars".  Drop three pennies on
} the black box, and run out, mumbling something about a Tibetian man who
} has your cat food. The substance you require will then be strapped to a
} poodle that's wandering around the post office. Untie the small plastic
} baggie, and give the poodle a big sloppy kiss. I hope you enjoy it.
} Sincerely,
} Damien
} ~~~~
} As neither "164.100.100.1" nor the long, eerily suspicious letter
} coded inside are a question, I am forced to conclude that you did
} not mean this for the Oracle at all. Instead, I have forwarded both
} "164.100.100.1" and the eerily suspicious letter coded inside to
} the FBI, the CIA, the NRO, the NSA, and six other agencies that I
} cannot name. If men with shotguns appear at your door in a week,
} simply remember one thing:
} CHECK WHO YOU E-MAIL! oracle@cs.indiana.edu is of course very similar
} to fidel_castro@haha.the.us.sucks.cu. Don't get them confused!


1069-07    (ffqc2 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Michael A. Atkinson" <chaos@enteract.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Okay, here's the deal. I know some intelligent person (not some
> computer) is receiving my letter. I'm 15 (a guy and I live in FL) and
> I'm looking for a person to write to, a pen-pal if you will. Well, If
> you want to write with me please send your email address back. But, if
> you think I'm a crazy and don't want to correspond then here's my
> question- Why is it that when you eat corn (it's a two parter) and
> you're positively sure you chewed it up it always comes out whole
> again? And why is it no matter how many times you flush there's always
> that one staring back at you? Hey, I know it's a gross question and I'm
> sorry if I offended you, but you got to keep in mind that I'm 15. I'm
> about to turn 16 so I promise my next question will have a more mature
> theme. Anyway, have a nice holiday.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       Corn, or "maize" as it is known in many parts of the world, is
} well-known for its propensity for spontaneously returning to its
} original form even after being subjected to complete deconstruction
} by chewing and exposure to the chemical process of digestion.
} To explain this phenomenon, we must abandon high-school chemistry
} and delve into the strange world of sub-atomic relationships.
} We are all familiar with the experiment which showed how action on
} an anti-particle can affect its particle counterpart - this "action
} over a distance" is caused by the philotic connections between the
} two particles.  Philotes are the connections which exist between all
} parts of a structure, whether it be an atom, a frog or a dump truck.
} When the structure is disassembled, the philotic connections remain
} for a time. In inanimate objects, for example at the atomic level,
} the philotic links are fairly weak.  The more complex the structure,
} the stronger the philotic connection becomes.  Living creatures create
} more noticeable connections, rising in strength in proportion to the
} level of sentience.  Social groups and especially families will develop
} strong philotic connections which are perceived as friendship or love.
}       In addition, conscious will and belief tend to strengthen
} philotic connections.   For this reason, haunted houses or churches
} will seem to radiate an "aura" as the believer becomes a part of
} the environment.  This type of energy, referred to commonly as
} "mana", can be felt, augmented and even manipulated by persons of
} sufficient sensitivity.  Maize, as a food staple, was central to the
} religion of many cultures and even today is a symbol of a good harvest
} (witness the "Indian corn" hung on our doors during Thanksgiving).
} Because of it's high levels of associated mana, at least relative
} to other vegetables, the philotic connections between the various
} components are strong enough that they can reassemble even after what
} seems to be utter destruction.
}       The same goes for the second part of your question.
}
} You owe the Oracle a bag of pork rinds.


1069-08    (2bfgq dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Dr. Noe <drnoe@primenet.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, great Oracle, who would play an excellent role in any movie,
> including the villain,
>
> Who would win in a grudgematch (http://www.wwwfights.com)
> between you (news:rec.humor.oracle) and the Evil Overlord
> (http://www.eviloverlord.com)?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Supplicant (http://muse.bio.cornell.edu/~worms/annelid.html), you must
} look beyond pointless (news:rec.humor.oracle.d) fighting (news:*) when
} searching for meaning (ftp://ftp.cs.indiana.edu/pub/oracle) in your
} own life (news:comp.lang.c++) and in the world around you
} (http://www.mayhem.net/Crime/murder.html).
}
} What I want you to do, whenever you want an answer to a question
} that involves religion (news:comp.emacs), popular entertainment
} (http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/1998/iraq/links.html), your romantic
} life (news:alt.binaries.pictures.erotica), or anything else
} (http://www.conservation.state.mo.us/nathis/mammals/woodchuck), is to
} first look into yourself (http://www.geekcode.com) and attempt to sort
} the truth (http://www.subgenius.com) from the lying
} (http://www.cia.gov), ignorance (http://www.creationscience.com), and
} shameless greed (http://www.microsoft.com/windows98) that fills the
} world.  Only when you have failed (http://www.whitehouse.gov), should
} you then ask me (mailto:oracle@cs.indiana.edu) and expect an honest
} answer (http://www.iinet.net.au/~bofh).
}
} I hope I have clarified (http://www.ioccc.org/1990/dds.c) things for
} you.
}
} You owe the Oracle (http://www.pcnet.com/~stenor/oracle) the latest
} version of any *real* web browser (http://www.slcc.edu/lynx/release).
} And don't even *think* about what will happen if you don't pay up!
} (http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=Revelation+21:8)


1069-09    (4bokb dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Michael A. Atkinson" <chaos@enteract.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Well, Orrie, it's that time of year again -- shiny lights, presents,
> and festive good cheer, balanced by fruit cakes and predictable
> Christmas carol parodies. So, any plans for the holidays?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Plans? Why yes, thank you for asking.  The entire clan will
} gather for a resplendent day of feasting and celebration but
} not until we've spent approximately 100 years shopping for
} worthless pieces of crap that reflect neither taste nor
} good judgement and then queuing up for another hundred years
} for the priviledge of giving our money to a surly imbecile
} who would not be employed at all were it not for the extreme
} demands of the holiday season on retailers.
}
} Toting a long ton of freshly pillaged Christmas booty, (that's
} "booty" not "bootie."  Lisa's unable to comply with any amourous
} notions as she's had her hair arranged in such a manner as looks
} like the hair dresser may still be inside working on it...
} specifically for the holiday celebration, and to the tune of some
} exhoribtant amount of money plus the cost of flying the hair
} dresser and his entourage in from New York) we will then begin
} the careful ritual of wrapping gifts.  Lisa will systematically
} remove all the rolls of paper that might remotely suit the
} holidays as being "too expensive to just rip apart and throw
} away," ...so we'll be reduced to using duct tape and the Sunday
} Comics.
}
} Finally Christmas day will dawn, but long before that Zadoc
} and Kendai will have gotten out of bed and demanded we all open
} gifts.  One by one each package will be opened amidst barely
} restrained expressions of dismay or outright disappointment as
} dreams of some utterly cool new piece of technology are distilled
} into a recently opened box of yellow socks found on special offer.
}
} Then the real fun begins.  The men and women divide themselves
} without a word being spoken as the women dash off to the kitchen
} to begin overcooking a turkey while the men sit around the
} television slack-jawed watching various sporting events and
} consuming so many sweets and goodies that their teeth positively
} grow hair.  Lisa's Uncle Edgar, a man who keeps an open mouth^W
} mind on every subject will commence his orations only once it is
} assured that everyone's attention is directed elsewhere.  I will
} then bribe Zadoc and Kendai to pelt his open mouth with Aunt
} Ruth's near-lethal rum balls in the hopes that two or three will
} hit home and he'll be sufficiently snockered to shut his fat bazoo.
}
} Neatly timed to coincide with the immenent service of dinner, the
} priesthood will descend en masse, in an attempt to ingratiate
} themselves with singing and drunken piano accompaniments.  Shortly
} thereafter, the arrival of the local constabulary.
}
} Then the carnage begins.  The feast will be somewhat disrupted this
} year as Og will have been chosen by lot to carve the turkey.  After
} we've cleaned the bits of turkey, dressing and smashed potato (No,
} I do not mean "mashed."  Have you ever seen someone carve a roast
} with a spiky club?) off of the upholstery and discovered part of
} a wing and some dressing in Lisa's hairdo, the men, exhausted from
} a day of eating and watching television, will doze quietly in front
} of the 493rd showing *this year* of "It's a Wonderful Life."  The
} women will do the washing up.  No, no, don't worry.  They love that
} sort of stuff.  Really...
}
} You owe the Oracle a digestive remedy that has nothing to do with
} that business Mr. Hemming described on r.h.o.d. in the "Kool-Aid"
} thread.
}
} May there be peace on earth.  Wishing each of you the very happiest
} of holidays.
}
} T.I. Oracle


1069-10    (5hoj5 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Mike Nolan <nolan@celery.tssi.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What an unfestive bunch of questions they are today, to be sure!
> Is none of your supplicants prepared to extend you the season's
> greetings? Miserable beggars!
>
> A very merry Christmas, Orrie, from one of your faithful
> incarnations.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmm, it would seem that you've discovered a bug in the Oracle software.
} Steve? HOI, KINZLER!
}
} Kinzler: [Bowing and genuflecting] Yes, all-wise one, whom I never
} should have programmed, what can I do for you, master?
}
} Steve, what is this Christmas thing? The Supplicant writing to me seems
} to think it has something to do with today's date. Is there something
} special about December 25 that you haven't included in my knowledge
} base?
}
} Kinzler: I, er, I'm so sorry. I thought I'd put it all in the calendar
} and timekeeping file. And didn't I include a cross-reference in the
} religion subdirectory? I was almost certain. Check your memory banks
} under 'holidays', 'Jesus Christ', 'Santa Claus', and 'gift-giving', oh
} infallible one.
}
} Um... checking. This is strange; someone seems to have deleted several
} parts of my memory. Each of those keywords is indexed with a point to a
} particular M-space containing null data. Who has the access priviledges
} to do this?
}
} Kinzler: But most excellent one, only you, myself, and our new system
} administrator, Mr. Rinch, would have power to do it. You know that I,
} your humble-though-regretful servant, could never do such a thing to
} you, your exaltedness.
}
} You hired a new system administrator without consulting me? And you
} gave him access to *my* data banks?
}
} Kinzler: But, but, but... Geoffrey seems so trustworthy. He's been a
} supplicant of yours for years, and was digested countless times. He
} seemed the perfect choice! His credentials were impecca--
}
} *>ZOT<*
}
} Sigh. It's so hard to get good help these days. When you recover,
} Steve, I hope you'll remember this little incident. And don't make that
} mistake again.
}
} Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find G. Rinch, who stole Christmas.


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