} I'm sorry, but your question "22.214.171.124" actually contains
} a secret message hidden within its digits. Properly decoded, your
} secret message says:
} I have the goods waiting for you below the docks, handcuffed to a
} large man wearing a ski mask and a party hat, holding a baseball
} bat and a football. Bring a small watch that ticks with you. Simply
} tell the man, "I have a squirrel in my head", and he will give you
} the goods. Unfortunately, my pet cat ate the key to the handcuffs,
} so you will have to either take the large man with you, or bash open
} the suitcase with the goods. DO NOT USE HIS BASEBALL BAT FOR BASHING
} THE SUITCASE OPEN! If you do so, the large man will decapitate you.
} (Apparently, he is very fond of his baseball bat, named "Princess",
} and doesn't take too kindly to men using it to bash open suitcases
} filled with goods). Instead, the football the large man is carrying
} will serve much better. Be cautious - if you whack the suitcase too
} hard, the goods will be damaged. We wouldn't want that now, would we?
} After you have removed the goods from the suitcase - RUN LIKE HELL!
} Don't drop your small watch that ticks, either. You know as well
} as I do that large men wearing ski masks and party hats handcuffed
} to a bashed-open empty suitcase, while holding a baseball bat
} named "Princess" and a slightly-damaged football get very angry
} very easily. After you have obtained the goods, a Ford Pinto will
} drive up by the docks. Get in the Pinto and tell the driver "Many
} green cows will trample houses in France at midnight." Then, open
} the door and jump out of the Pinto when it reaches 15 miles per hour.
} The large man will have set a car bomb inside. Be sure to watch out
} and avoid any flaming debris. Now, you'll have to walk to the First
} National Bank, and ask the cashier to get you safe deposit box 137.
} When the cashier gives you the safe deposit box, throw it at him/her,
} and scream "I told you to get me box number 138!". Run out of the bank
} mumbling something about a Tibetian man who has your cat food. By this
} time, a bus filled with nuns will be passing the bank. Wave for the
} driver to stop, enter the bus, and ask if Sister Mary Elizabeth is on
} the bus. She will actually be easy to spot, as Sister Mary Elizabeth
} always dresses in bright yellow, has a nose ring, and has a happyface
} tatooed on her forehead. Deliver the goods to Sister Mary Elizabeth,
} and she will give you a small black box tied with twine. Run out of
} the bus, and find the nearest post office. As I've told you before,
} you should have a small watch with you. Slice open the twine, and put
} the watch inside. The only other thing inside the box will be a scrap
} of paper with the number "126.96.36.199" inside. THIS IS CRUCIAL.
} Knot the twine together, run to the head of whatever large line has
} formed inside the post office, slam the black box on the counter,
} and say in a thick accent, "I need this.... *ahem* package delivered
} post-post haste to the White House immediately. Keep it away from
} any flames. Here is 100 United States dollars". Drop three pennies on
} the black box, and run out, mumbling something about a Tibetian man who
} has your cat food. The substance you require will then be strapped to a
} poodle that's wandering around the post office. Untie the small plastic
} baggie, and give the poodle a big sloppy kiss. I hope you enjoy it.
} As neither "188.8.131.52" nor the long, eerily suspicious letter
} coded inside are a question, I am forced to conclude that you did
} not mean this for the Oracle at all. Instead, I have forwarded both
} "184.108.40.206" and the eerily suspicious letter coded inside to
} the FBI, the CIA, the NRO, the NSA, and six other agencies that I
} cannot name. If men with shotguns appear at your door in a week,
} simply remember one thing:
} CHECK WHO YOU E-MAIL! firstname.lastname@example.org is of course very similar
} to email@example.com. Don't get them confused!