} THE INTERNET ORACLE
} GAME REVIEW OF THE MONTH:
} Duke Nukem: A Critique of Pure Violence
} Just how much mileage can a games manufacturer get out of a single
} product? If the product is DN3D, an almost unlimited amount,
} apparently. The Plutonium Pak, Atomic Edition, Nuclear Winter, Life's a
} Beach... the list of add-ons seems endless. The cry goes up: oh, for
} some new weapons, some new baddies, some new anything!
} Take heart, all you shoot-em-up slugfest-loving psychopaths out there:
} with "A Critique of Pure Violence", Dukey enters a whole new dimension!
} Gone are the tattered old Troopers and Pig Cops, to be replaced by
} kick-ass Stoics, Sophists and Neo-Pythagoreans. Hell, these guys will
} argue that pleasure is irrelevant to the attainment of happiness as
} soon as look at you, and stir-fry your nuts to prove it! And the human
} females are much more interactive than before! Go up to the go-go girls
} in the red light district bar, wave some money under their noses and
} they'll expound the empiricism of Francis Bacon to you till you cry
} You have some really neat new weapons to try out too, such as the
} Phenomenological Cannon and the Concept of Dread Bomb. And there's
} a Boss Philosopher at the end of each level!
} Once again, the game is powered by the Quake engine, but now it has
} sound and graphics to die for (or from!) Okay, so the minimum spec is
} a P266 MicroCray with 1064 Mflops RAM and a liquid nitrogen-cooled 3D
} accelerator. But once you've got the hardware sorted, the AI of the
} baddies will impress the socks off you! If you thought Kierkegaard's
} satires of Hegelian Rationalism were biting, wait till these guys
} sink their fangs into your dialectics!
} To give too much away at this stage would spoil all the fun, so this
} review will restrict itself to describing the demo version only. This
} consists of four levels:
} 1. Pluralism - The Parmenideans come at you thick and fast from the
} very start, claiming there are four material elements and two
} forces, and that these can neither come into being nor pass away.
} You counter with Zeno's Paradox which freezes them into immobility,
} at which point you can blow them away with your shotgun. The Boss
} Philosopher of this level is Anaxagoras of Clazomenae (looking
} vaguely like the alien from the "Predator" series), who will try to
} convince you that everything is contained within everything else as
} a prelude to chopping you into infinitely small particles.
} 2. The Doctrine of God's Will - Blasting and debating your way through
} a medieval dungeon, the pressure never lets up. No sooner have you
} established the validity of Anselm's proof of the existence of God
} than you are faced with a slavering, 12-foot, razon-wielding death-
} merchant. Yes, it's William of Ockham, looking not a little like
} Strife out of "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys". When this guy
} says human reason alone is insufficient to reach the truth, you
} believe him!
} 3. Logical Positivism - It may be true that there's nothing Nietzsche
} couldn't teach you about breaking people's heads, but here it's
} Wittgenstein that's the bolshy swine who radically denies the
} meaningfulness of metaphysics by ripping out the intestines of
} anyone who approaches him with unverifiable assertions about moral,
} esthetic or religious values. Take your existentialism in your left
} hand, your rocket launcher in your right, and proceed with extreme
} 4. Marxism - And what better way to round off a binge of blood and
} brain cells than with the Bearded Behemoth of the Bourgeoisie
} himself? If you can separate this sucker from his Kapital without
} resorting to revolutionary action (or even cheat codes), you're
} ready for the commercial game!
} Your reviewer unhesitatingly awards DN:ACOPV his coveted Gold Medal
} for sheer gut-wrenching, mind-bending, adrenaline-surging nihilism.
} But remember, you need skill as well as an unquenchable bloodlust to
} win. As Dukey himself says, "I think, therefore I aim."
} Like hell he does!