} I, the Oracle, the immortal son of Zeus and Leda, imbued with the
} wisdom of Artemis, lived the life of hermits in a tower made of ivory
} on the highest peak of Mt. Olympus. Manna poured from the fountains in
} the courtyard, ambrosia rained like golden dew from the olive groves.
} Those who scaled Olympus's mighty peaks to seek his advice were imbued
} with much awe and amazement at such extravagance, a true gift belonging
} to one whose grace must surely shine brightly with the gods.
} But alas, the Oracle grew lonely. Nights were cold with no source of
} warmth beside him in his bed of spun gold and goose down. Days were
} dark, even on the brightest of days, with no companion to light his
} isolated soul. The Oracle grew hardened, and cold. So Aphrodite
} in pity cried tears into the river Styx, and from the teardrops
} burst fire, and from the fire was forged woman. And the woman was
} called Lisa.
} The beauty which radiated from this glorious creation made the Oracle
} weep tears of joy. Her hair was long and brown like the reeds of
} Crimea, her eyes deep blue like the pale depths of the river Lethe,
} her bosoms ample like...well, they were ample. And her heart burned
} like a furnace for the Oracle alone. Their companionship brought the
} Oracle many days of unadulterated bliss.
} But Aphrodite, the mother of such glorious a creation, became jealous
} of her beauty. Zeus, father of the Oracle, was mad with envy because
} such a creation could not be his. So the Oracle was cast down into the
} depths of Indiana, and Zeus did enslave Lisa in his palace in Olympus.
} The Oracle was enraged by his fate. Chained was he to a computer
} terminal, forced was he to answer the basest questions of the
} adolescent populace. All without the beautious creature to which
} he had given half his soul. So the Oracle brought forth and blew
} his Horn of Valhalla, and summoned he forth all of the beats of the
} New World, and commanded them together in a mighty army to storm
} Olympus and take his mate back by force. From on high, Zeus hailed
} lightning down upon them, but alas, the Oracle's Shield of Mighty
} Wisdom deflected the bolts harmlessly, and the army didst march on.
} And lo, a battle didst ensue between the mightiest valkyries of Olympus
} and the beasts of the New World. The Oracle, armed with his Sword of
} Mightiest Intelligence, battled and subdued his godly father and the
} enslaver of his mate, and cast was Zeus down into the nether regions.
} The chains were cast off the lovely Lisa, and with all the beasts of
} the New World, returned they to the depths of Indiana, never again
} to partake of the fickle grace of those who called themselves gods.
} From then on, the Oracle bartered his endless wisdom in exchange for
} lavish material goods and services. Built he a pallatial compound,
} and stocked it full of neat looking stuff. And both Oracle and Lisa
} live in bliss, and shall for all eternity...
} Naah, I'm just pulling your leg. I met her at a University of Delphi
} You owe the Oracle a 12-pack of manna.