} Dielectric materialism is, as those of us in the know like to say, the
} bastard child of quantitative metathesis and corroborative nuclear
} scaling theory. Ha ha ha! Get it?
} I see. Well, supplicant, perhaps I ought to explain it this way:
} Pretend you have an egg. The egg represents Truth and Value. Now,
} pretend you have a Teflon-coated frying pan. The pan represents
} reality, the Teflon represents self-recognition, and the handle
} represents the possibility of God. Admittedly, the handle is
} simultaneously extant and non-extant, which creates problems when
} flipping Truth out of Reality and frying Value, but we'll get to that
} when we do.
} Now we put Reality onto the Furnace of the Universe, and apply Truth to
} it. Separated by Self-recognition and Reality from the Universe, Truth
} bubbles only slightly, signifying an indirect and presently
} indeterminate change in its capacity to exist. Now, using God we
} remove Reality briefly from the Universe, and flip Truth into Value,
} which will now begin bubbling more loudly. As Self-recognition has
} probably worn away by this point (as Reality was quite cheap, having
} been bought at Wal-Mart for $4.85), Value is applied diectly to
} Reality, resulting in flames and loud spurts of Value and Truth out of
} Reality and directly onto the Universe, which loud fizzing begins,
} spurting flaming droplets of Truth and Reality onto God, and causing
} the Unmoved Mover wielding Reality (by way of God) to shriek in
} unbelieveable pain while the reast of Truth and Value burns into the
} Charcoal of Damnation in the middle of a Reality devoid of
} Now the Unmoved Mover will probably lose his or her grip on God and
} drop Him on the floor, splattering Truth, etc., everywhere, coating the
} Kitchen of Redemption in Damnation, and restoring the Universe and its
} vicinity to its original state of Chaos.
} This process, which you can see demonstrated nearly daily in the rooms
} of Bachelors of Clumsiness everywhere in the world, is often referred
} to as dielectric materialism.
} You owe the Oracle some scrambled Truth, or perhaps some Value
} sunny-side up.