} Oh, miserable supplicant... are you in for a surprise!
} For starters, from your grovel it is obvious that you are leaning
} toward a job either as a crash-test dummy, or a sparring partner for
} Mike Tyson.
} Oh, and the dream... Well, for that to happen at good ol' Babdist U.,
} it would have to be a dream... look at the facts: naked, at night, in
} Winston-Salem = cold. I notice you didn't specify gender... WFU is
} pretty balanced, so one male, one female, one to-be-named-later. Yes,
} now it's clear how that will happen...
} Supplicant sits at computer, types supplication, smashes toe, punches
} self in face, can't stand the pain and passes out. Comes to 10
} minutes later and drives self to the emergency room. The wait at WFU
} medical center is up to 4 hours now, it's Friday, with a full moon,
} you can imagine the rest.
} Meanwhile, trio of naked undergraduates crosses campus, knocks
} on supplicant's apartment door -- no answer. They enter apartment
} anyway, have evening of uninhibited sexual relations, trash apartment,
} then leave. It's cold, so they run. Campus cops trailed the trio
} from supplicant's apartment, then called for backup when they started
} to run away. Winston-Salem police and Forsyth county sheriff's
} deputies arrive in time to trail the trio to a (presumed) stolen car
} [really, they just wanted the heater], to a Handy Pantry robbery
} [honest, they just wanted some coffee, but they left their wallets
} with their clothes], then a high speed chase into Davidson County.
} The nation's most infamous sheriff sets up a roadblock and the trio
} obliterate themselves in a fiery crash.
} Meanwhile, the supplicant, with bandaged foot and nose, is discharged.
} Unable to drive, he/she takes a taxi. $75 for a 7-mile drive, but
} it's Friday, and a full moon! Arrives home to find broken door,
} trashed apartment, reek of pheromones... and police detectives.
} Supplicant is arrested for whatever the police figure will stick.
} Picture on the front page of the Winston-Salem Journal, lead story
} on the 11:00 news, [even before the Super Doppler Weather Forecast!]
} and the condemnation of the Mayor and City Council ["This moral
} outrage is just as bad as a Marilyn Manson concert"].
} Supplicant drops out of school, takes a job at the Handy Pantry 4PM
} to midnight, selling beer to former classmates and "moonlighting"
} as a lab test animal at the medical school by day.
} So, supplicant, if I may make a suggestion, drop the bricks (no, not on
} your foot!). Stay at home and barricade the door. Just curl up with
} a good book and ignore anyone at the door. Pretty soon you'll have
} a spouse, 2.1 kids, 1.3 pets, and 6-figure salary. True, you won't
} have the night of uninhibited sex, but a lifetime of the inhibited
} sort is preferable to the Handy Pantry. Good luck.
} Oh, and you owe the Oracle [incarnated as firstname.lastname@example.org] to
} watch the 11:00 news.