> Orrie, it's horrible. I'm under so much responsibility, and the
> only way to escape from it is to become physically ill and unable to
> do it any longer due to my health. Unfortunately, that seems to be
> precisely what's happening; over the past weeks I've had all sorts of
> different problems, and as soon as one goes away, another takes it
> place, and I know it's all connected to the stress of doing a good
> enough job and living up to the rank I've been given. Because this
> is completely neurotic and would never bother any normal person
> in my place, I've felt obligated to do my best to ignore my terror
> and stick with it, and not quit, but every month that grinds on, it
> becomes more and more crushing, and though I've mentally kept things
> under control to the greatest extent I can (just agonizing for hours
> over trivial things that would never bother anyone else, and being
> terrified of how long I can continue fulfilling my responsibility and
> everyone's expectations), I think I'm actually becoming ill to escape
> it, because the only thing that can possibly overcome my resolve is
> if I'm in actual physical torment. I absolutely, unshakeably cannot
> give this up, but I can't continue under such constant, horrifying
> anxiety either, leaving this the only possible way out, which my
> unconscious mind is striving to implement. I haven't any concept of
> how to cope adequately with the pressures I've placed upon myself,
> yet there's no way I can bring myself to quit, and even if I did,
> I'd only be running away from a problem that's sure to confront me the
> rest of my life, wherever I go, whatever responsibilities I take on.
> Orrie, you're beyond wonderful.. I don't know what I'd do without you.
> Any ideas on how to reconcile this terrible conflict?
> Thanks for listening.