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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Tell me Great Oracle, what kind of hope is there for humans > of today? Is not their helpless infirmity, no better than > dreams, in which the blind generations of men are shackled?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       Looking for hope in an increasingly hopeless world?  Need } something to look forward to so you'll bother to get out of bed in } the morning? }       Then look no further, for the Oracle's Discount House of Destiny } is selling hopes, dreams and inspiration at bargain basement } prices.  Now here's your basic model, the Hope for the Future. } Today sucks; Tomorrow still be better.  Frankly, its so useless we give } it out as a free sample, the so called Newbie user.  After a couple } of hard slams with reality, they either want to junk hope altogether } or upgrade to one of our other options. }       For example we have our Hope in a Higher Power;  basically } the hope that something else will swoop in and fix everything. } It comes in many designer flavors, such as God, governement, aliens, } and faith in humanity.  Then, we have are Hope in Blind Luck also knwon } as our Chaos Theory Package.  It is best summed by our slogan, "Hey, } you never know."  Options include lottery, casino, bingo, and stock } market.  Lastly, for those who want hope without the optimism we have } our Hope for Armegheddon package.  Options include nuclear, shotgun, } and postal worker.  We hope you find the hope appropriate for you. } } You owe the Oracle the Hope Diamond.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> is wittgenstein's picture theory of the proposition correct?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 1      Wittgenstein was crazy. } 1.2    Three of his siblings committed suicide. } 2      His best idea was  "What we cannot speak about we must pass over }        in silence." } 2.1    He didn't take his own advice and kept blabbing on. } 2.1.1  Thank goodness he only wrote one book. } 3      The twit gave away an inherited fortune. } 4      Was company card shark during the war. } 4.1    This was the only time common men held him in high regard. } 5      He suppressed his sexuality. } 5.1    He died of prostrate cancer. } 6      Died owing Gottlob Frege two horses and a goat from weird bet. } 7      Tell them not to watch "It's a Wonderful Life". } 7.1    Odd last words foretold the future. } 7.1.1  Widely misquoted. } } You owe the Oracle a tee shirt that says, "Deal With It".

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> It has been a spell since I last heard from the Oracle, I miss his > wonderful advice and cooing voice, > > Will the neighbors ever quit yelling at each other?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       It's tough ruling Switzerland, isn't it? } } You owe the Oracle some chocolate and a watch.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Time for a bit of music, I think. Let's look through my collection... > hmmm... what shall we listen to... AHA! Monty Python sings the Spice > Girls...

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Let's compare! } } SPICE GIRLS           MONTY PYTHON } =============================================== } 5 members           | 6 original members, now 5 } ----------------------------------------------- } Dress up funny      | Dress up funny } ----------------------------------------------- } Members break       | Members break } up to do various    | up to do various } solo projects       | solo projects } ----------------------------------------------- } Never seen together | Never seen together } ----------------------------------------------- } Formed after Monty  | Split up soon after } Python split up     | losing 6th member } ----------------------------------------------- } } Coincidence? - WE THINK NOT! } } You owe the Oracle a Spice Gumby

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Oracle serious and starlike, > >  What is 'emme ya'/'Sirius C' ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Despite many coverups by the US and Egyptian governments, I still get } many questions about this, so I'll refer you to the FAQ.  I hope you } don't mind such an impersonal response. } } [From the False-Dwarf-Sightings FAQ, part 19] } } Q02604: What is Emme Ya? } } A: Emme Ya is the giant Nommos-built soulfreighter used to transport }    souls about 8 light years, from Earth to the final resting place of }    souls, Sirius.  It is a slower-than-light type craft, and last }    visited Earth in 1359.  At the time of its last visit, much contact }    was made between the crew and _living_ humans in Mali, due to a }    navigation error. } }    The ship was able to get away with a full load of souls bound for }    Sirius, dropped them off in 1799, and then continued on to some }    other inhabited planets as part of its rounds. } }    Unfortunately, during the crew's contact with humans on Earth, Dogon }    mythology was corrupted as a side-effect.  For example, when the }    Nommos aliens tried to explain that their ship was }    slower-than-light, this was corrupted as meaning "not light" or }    "heavy".  When Dogons came into contact with western scientists in }    the early 20th century, the westerners interpreted Dogon tales as }    meaning that they should look for a second companion (a dense white }    dwarf) in orbit about Sirius.  None was found, in spite of the large }    mass of the Emma Ya soulfreighter, because it had left the Sirius }    system over a hundred years earlier. } }    This had led to much controversy.  See FAQ entry 00595 "Carl Sagan }    vs. the Nommos space frogs -- Who won?", 02605 "Are white dwarves }    just an amalgomation of the full spectrum of all seven dwarves?", }    and 01002 "Does ST:TNG fourth season episode 'First Contact' contain }    good ideas for how to approach dwarves when metal workers go on }    strike?" } } You owe the Oracle a research paper on the question of dwarven women: } are they bearded or not?

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Orrie, it's horrible.  I'm under so much responsibility, and the > only way to escape from it is to become physically ill and unable to > do it any longer due to my health.  Unfortunately, that seems to be > precisely what's happening; over the past weeks I've had all sorts of > different problems, and as soon as one goes away, another takes it > place, and I know it's all connected to the stress of doing a good > enough job and living up to the rank I've been given. Because this > is completely neurotic and would never bother any normal person > in my place, I've felt obligated to do my best to ignore my terror > and stick with it, and not quit, but every month that grinds on, it > becomes more and more crushing, and though I've mentally kept things > under control to the greatest extent I can (just agonizing for hours > over trivial things that would never bother anyone else, and being > terrified of how long I can continue fulfilling my responsibility and > everyone's expectations), I think I'm actually becoming ill to escape > it, because the only thing that can possibly overcome my resolve is > if I'm in actual physical torment.  I absolutely, unshakeably cannot > give this up, but I can't continue under such constant, horrifying > anxiety either, leaving this the only possible way out, which my > unconscious mind is striving to implement.  I haven't any concept of > how to cope adequately with the pressures I've placed upon myself, > yet there's no way I can bring myself to quit, and even if I did, > I'd only be running away from a problem that's sure to confront me the > rest of my life, wherever I go, whatever responsibilities I take on. > > Orrie, you're beyond wonderful.. I don't know what I'd do without you. > Any ideas on how to reconcile this terrible conflict? > > Thanks for listening.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Mr Tyson, } } While I'm sorry to hear about your recent spat of problems, I'm afraid } that calling in sick to Don King won't get you out of that next Title } Fight with Evander. You're just going to have to step into the ring, } and bite his other ear off - now STOP WHINING about it. } } You owe the Oracle more money than Don King will get from your next } fight.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Mighty and bouncy Oracle, who invented coffee?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       I'll put it to you this way.  How do *you* think the world got } made in six days? } } You owe the Oracle a mocha latte.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh oracle, I am the owner of a small country that few people know of. > I would like to know how I can get the Americas to bomb my fair > country so people will know I exist.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well Generalissimo, there are many things you could try.  Here is a } small list: } } 1.  Invade New York. } 2.  Bang your shoe to get attention in the U.N. } 3.  Start a land war in Asia. } 4.  Get Uncle Duke to be your ambassador. } 5.  Get a really good Olympic team and beat the Americas in soccer and }     then boycott the next year's Olympics. } 6.  Challenge Clinton to a Quake deathmatch. } 7.  Why wait?  Bomb them first!  Lots of bombs available on the Russian }     black market. } 8.  Make prank phone calls to the White House. } 9.  Hold a telethon in which people send you bombs instead of money. } 10. Gain most favored nation status and build an embassy somewhere }     where the US *is* bombing. } } You owe The Oracle an autographed copy of The Mouse That Roared.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh lighter than air Oracle, who never needed to use Richard Simmons' > "Deal Meal", who snubs Jenny Craig without remorse, who would never > even CONSIDER attending a Tae Bo class, please tell me: > > I've heard that the Library at Indiana U is sinking because the > architects failed to take into account the weight of all the books. > Did Zadoc design the library, or is this just another spurious tale > put about by the w**dc***ks?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} And if the library's sinking } ---------------------------- } } Orrie hangs behind the glass, above Lisa's door } His staff of zot boasts lots of volts fresh charged the day before } } And you couldn't find Zadoc if you nailed the wall to his face } But T.I.O. says Zadoc's a waste of space } } And if the library's sinking we're in trouble } 'Cause the server is down there and it's going to wind up rubble } } They come in bent-backed, creaking 'cross the floor all dressed in } black Priests, bowing deeply } He can make them lick the floor } } And the ceiling's made of gold, and all the books are there } The geeks come here to see Lisa and stare } } And if the library's sinking we're in trouble } 'Cause the server is down there and it's going to wind up rubble } } We put books on the shelves } The place began to sink } The job those civil engs. did sure does stink } } Of a lack of expertise, and the work of woodchuck twits } So bad it leaves me laughing, leaves me feeling that of course if.. } } ...the library's sinking we're in trouble } 'Cause the server is down there and it's going to wind up rubble } And if the library's sinking we're in trouble } 'Cause the server is down there and it's going to wind up rubble

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Do you ever get that strange feeling of Deja Vu?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Didn't I just answer that? } } You owe the Oracle a rerun.