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Internet Oracularities #1104

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Internet Oracularities #1104    (75 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1999 09:05:32 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line.  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   1104
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1104  75 votes 5gun1 8Al55 49nmh 19exi 9fmgd 4ivg6 8blmd 8sme3 4bjmj 64ion
1104  3.2 mean  3.0   2.5   3.5   3.8   3.1   3.0   3.3   2.7   3.5   3.7


1104-01    (5gun1 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise, smart like da Big Bosses, yousa please tell me...
>
> Why alla human peoples no like Jar-Jar? Every place meesa goin' on
> Internet, meesa see peoples sayin' "Jar-Jar must be dyin'"! Alla time
> talkin' about Jar-Jar bein' bom-bad. Meesa try to help Jedis, fight
> mekaniks...meesa Bombad General, friend of big Boss Nass! Why nobody
> like Jar-Jar?
>
> Jar-Jar Binks

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, Jar-Jar, here's a few things you could try to improve your
} popularity:
}
} 1) Speech therapy - you'd be amazed (actually, it appears that you
} are amazed) at how many people find your accent completely unbearable.
} Myself included - nothing personal. Start speaking the Queen's English,
} and you'll seem sophisticated, suave, and intelligent. Right now,
} you sound like a gibbering idiot.
}
} 2) Dance lessons - face it, you're a klutz. Stepping into... stuff,
} getting your head zapped between the podracer engines, things like
} that. People are laughing behind your back - laughing at you, not
} with you. Dance lessons will give you the grace and dexterity to avoid
} such situations in the future. I hear Arthur Murray is pretty good.
}
} 3) Testosterone hormone injections - lower your voice by an octave
} or so.  Nobody laughs at James Earl Jones, do they? A deep voice can
} be pretty sexy - and really, with a face like yours, you need all
} the sex appeal you can get.
}
} 4) Declare war on some small country - bombing the living daylights
} out of some dictator always makes you look good, right? Hussein and
} Milosovic have been overdone - try finding someone new, like Canada's
} Jean Chretien (who also happens to need speech therapy - how ironic).
} The world will be a better place without the Canadians oppressing
} the... ummm... ahh... errr... oh heck, who cares if they're oppressing
} anyone? The point is that Canada can't adequately defend itself -
} go for the easy mark.
}
} Probably none of this is going to stop the "Jar-Jar Binks must DIE!"
} nonsense - but then again, you see angry Iraqis and Palestinians
} screaming for Clinton's head on the news all the time - this is just
} an indication of your new-found popularity! Congratulations!
}
} You owe the Oracle Darth Maul's lightsaber - I need to trim some
} hedges.


1104-02    (8Al55 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: MCHEVALIER@WELLESLEY.EDU

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  I choose my instructions in life from the Oracle instead of hoards of
>  silver, I cherish knowledge from the digests rather than bags of
>  choice gold. The Oracle is IT with a capital "I" and a capital "T".
>
>  Where is The Land of the Noon Time Moon?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It isn't in any particular place, but the easiest way to find it is to
} read all the Carlos Casteneda "Teachings of Don Juan" books, then
} ingest all the alkaloid-bearing herbaceous substances described
} therein. If you do that, I promise you, you'll find The Land of the
} Noon Time Moon. You almost certainly won't come back, but hey! you'll
} probably run into Tim Leary and Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin and Jim
} Morrison and all kinds of other really cool people there. Beats the
} heck out of spending the summer growing roots in front of the tube
} watching "Friends" re-runs hoping for a glimpse of Jennifer Anniston's
} nipples and looking for nude JPGs of post-boob-removal Pamela Anderson
} and Jenny McCarthy on the Net.
}
} You owe the Oracle a return to a more intersting and exciting (or at
} least less-brain-deadening) time. You don't need to do drugs to kill
} brain cells these days. All you need to do is watch TV and listen to
} the radio.


1104-03    (49nmh dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <davis@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> And here he is.... THE ORACLE!!!
>
> Will I suffer any ill effects if I watch too much TV?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Why, yes, there are bad effects.
}
} Neurologists have started to note something called "Reagan's Syndrome"
} where thos who watch to much TV start to develup an acute form
} of dyslexi. It happens sudenly, with the victom finding that worms
} no longer make much sens, looking missppelled or otherwizz wrong.
} This can hoppen within a thew hours, or, in ecstream cases, within
} a coople of paragrapples.
}
} Ther is no cuhr. The viccy is domed to a lif of illiliracly,
} barring thom frem maingful emplodement otter then sarving bargers
} at te lokal McDucks. I sugggers u avard TB compollutely befare it z
} to lat. Otterys, yat'll ge frompally haggip furble flonk flonk flonk.
} Hrurt furd nanty crabber turin moref ?
}
} Y E et Uragurt hrabre furt horef.}


1104-04    (19exi dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <davis@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Ketchup spurting stuntmen are not one zillionth as amazing as
> the wise and powerful Oracle!
>
> How does falsehood differ from imagination?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} When I tell you I had a good answer to this question, but the dog ate
} it, that's falsehood.
}
} When I tell you I had a good answer to this question, but, you know,
} it's a funny story...I was driving down the freeway the other day when
} I see a tethered advertising blimp in the distance. Well, I'd been
} halfway listening to X-106, the local oldies station (I'm only into it
} for the jingles), and I suddenly make realize that the blimp is
} pointing the way to an appearance by one of their DJs, "The Fake" Don
} Blake, and my favorite early '60s doo-wop group, The Dardanelles.
} Needing no further prompting, I quickly take the exit and follow the
} blimp to a strip mall parking lot, where a crowd has gathered around a
} mobile stage. Don Blake is asking oldies trivia questions for prizes.
} Of course, I've soon accumulated an X-106 keychain, T-shirt,
} sweatshirt, baseball cap, water bottle, fanny pack, 12 bumper stickers
} and a promise from Don that he'll have his intern mail me a tape of the
} station jingles. And then it's time for the Dardanelles to take the
} stage! Of course, they're quite a bit older than in the pictures on
} their original albums, and the 8-track reissues of their albums, and
} the CD reissues of their albums, but their pipes are still sounding
} real good. I, of course, get right up front and lip-sync the words to
} all the songs they perform, from their biggest hit, "When Loving Lovers
} Love," to one of their obscure songs that was only released in Sweden,
} "Under the Pomegranate Tree Tonight." Several times during the set, I
} notice the Dardanelles nudging each other and pointing at me, as if to
} say, "Get a load of that guy." Well, after the set, Don Blake urges
} everyone to keep listening to X-106, hands out a couple of leftover
} bumper stickers, hops into his Porsche and peels out of the parking
} lot. Most of the crowd follows suit. I'm about to do the same, but then
} the Dardanelles come up to me. The leader, Vince Darden, says something
} to the effect of, "Wow, you must be our biggest fan, to know all the
} words to everything!" I refrain from mentioning that, being omniscient,
} I know all the words to songs I hate, too. We talk for a while, but
} then they have to go ("We're playing at a wedding in Muncie tonight").
} First, though, they offer to autograph something for me. Unfortunately,
} I hadn't brought any of their recordings with me, so all I have for
} them to sign is a piece of paper in my pocket.
}
} Now, flash forward to earlier today. I'm reading the paper, and right
} there on page B-7 is Vince Darden's obituary! He had died quite
} unexpectedly, it turns out, the day after I had seen them perform. I
} get up to load my Dardanelles CDs into the CD player to do some
} listening in memoriam, when the phone rings. It's the Rock and Roll
} Hall of Fame, who tracked me down via the surviving Dardanelles. I have
} Vince Darden's last autograph, and they want to know if I'll loan it to
} them for exhibit. I say I will, and I go so far as to take it
} immediately to FedEx so it'll be in Cleveland tomorrow.
}
} Unfortunately, that piece of paper that the Dardanelles signed had the
} good answer to your question on it.
}
} And that, you see, is imagination.
}
} You owe the Oracle a tape of music that doesn't really exist, to
} include a song by the Dardanelles and some X-106 jingles.


1104-05    (9fmgd dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Julianna Avedon" <SOteric2@email.msn.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Could I have a short, witty answer with some puns to go?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Okay, but if you keep this up, it's going to be bad for your digestion


1104-06    (4ivg6 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: R.P.Clement@westminster.ac.uk (Ross Clement)

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  What will the papers say?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Riots in Northern Ireland, rain at Wimbledon, war in Kosovo, corruption
} on Capitol Hill, the youth of today, corruption in Brussels, chaos in
} Russia, Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Slobodan Milosevich, Boris Yeltsin,
} the impending apocalypse that is Y2K, the defamation of great sporting
} heroes, strikes in France, health scares in Belguim, beef scares in
} Britain, oppression in Indonesia, death, destruction, famine and war.
}
} And a cute article on page 5 about some kittens.


1104-07    (8blmd dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Julianna Avedon" <SOteric2@email.msn.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh most amazing Oracle whose tie-dyed T-shirts are the true source of
> the rainbow, and its smiley face the sun, please answer this question
> of biblical proportions.
>
> What was the real story behind the "burning bush"?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Virginia McGrobalskison of 6969 Salamihyde Drive, North Beaver
} Wisconsin you did the right think to seek help on this matter. Burning
} Bush is nothing to take lightly.
}
} Symptoms: One or more of the following may indicate that you have
} Burning Bush: Semi-voluntary discharge of members from the Nile
} region, a wild parting of your Red Sea ( may include water turning to
} blood ), some painless lores about your forefathers, the hearing of
} organs and a desire to make top ten lists.
}
} The only sure way to know if you have Burning Bush is to go to your
} rabbi or a pubic health cynic. Burning Bush and other less  common
} anomalies are transmitted by dallying about with desert deities,
} trying to 'make a golden calf' or other contact with someone who
} has encountered Burning Bush elsewhere.
}
} Facts: You do not catch Burning Bush from pew seats, synagogue door
} knobs, heavy Bingo betting, etc. You can get Burning Bush at any age
} and get it again and again. Anyone can get Burning Bush, people of
} all ages and incomes . Once your Bush begins to burn it will continue
} to need attention until dealt with.
}
} Do not allow shame or embarrassment to keep you from seeking help.
} Taking two tablets with five rules on each of them can help.
}
} You owe the Oracle a staff that turns into a snake on command.


1104-08    (8sme3 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: Alyce Wilson <berlin63@hotmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O forsooth Oracle, you are forsoothier than any other Oracle I've met.
> Wait, that's not true!  I've never met you, only corresponded with you
> by e-mail for years.  Still, you are very forsoothy.
>
> To grovel, I sing your praises like this, "Yo-ho-ho, the Oracle is
> forsoothy!" to the tune of Marching Through Georgia.  I sing it in
> Atlanta, and get the daylights kicked out of me by three guys who seem
> to remember historical incidents all too well.  Not done yet, I sing
> your praises in French while in France.  I get the nightlights kicked
> out of me by three fat Parisians who tell me angrily, "Vous ne
> prononcez pas bien le francais!"
>
> Should I, pardon the French?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       It is rare to find a Supplicant as forsoothy as you, and my
} heart goes out to any who are hurt because of me instead of by me.
}       Personally, I see no reason to pardon the French.  They get
} their butt kicked every other decade and still go around with superior
} attitudes correcting pronunciations and sneering at wine labels.
} Screw the snail-chewing, foul smelling, art fondling, swill swilling
} bastards, that's my motto.
}       But I've got to defer to a higher power on this one.  The Big
} Guy (no, not Raymond Burr.  Not Orson Wells, either.  Yes the one
} on the cloud.  Sheesh.)  has said "forgive them 70 times 7 times",
} or 490 times.  My records show you have been beaten up by Parisians
} 300 times.  (My what a good little glutton for punishment you are.
} Remind me to send you a hat and a tote bag.)  So, just hang in there
} for the next half year or so, and then I'll treat you to a shopping
} spree from the latest Zot-o-matic catalog.  }
}       You owe the Oracle nothing.  Your devotion is payment enough.


1104-09    (4bjmj dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> University of Vulcan
> Department of Logics
>
> 15.th of march 0002 Earth Standard Time
>
> ANALYSIS OF THE W***DCH*CK QUESTION
>
> The question was as follows:
> "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck
> wood?"
>
> First we must examine the precondition: "...if a woodchuck could chuck
> wood?"  This presumes that woodchucks are not able to chuck wood,
> because if they were, they would automaticly chuck wood. Granted,
> there are no known incidents where woodchuks have chucked wood, but
> that cannot be counted as definite proof that they lack the ability
> to chuck. It is possible that woodchucks can chuck wood but simply
> do not want to Therefore precondition should be as follows:
>
> "Presumed that woodchucks cannot chuck wood, how much wood would
> they chuck if they could chuck wood?" at this point the whole logic
> of the question breaks down with the presumtion which denies itself
> in the question.
>
> Because of the inconclusive information this question cannot be
> answered or even speculated before the woodchucks ability to chuck
> wood is confirmed to be negative. However if woodchucks can chuck
> wood it transforms into form:
>
> "How much wood can a woodchuck chuck, if it wants to or can be forced
> to chuck wood?"
>
> In the meantime we recommend you to take measures to discourage
> supplicants to ask this question.
>
> Yours truly:
>
> Spiff
> Dean

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} ORACULAR TEST LABS REPORT
} EXPERIMENT NUMBER: Q0DDHJI
} COMMISSIONED BY: CHARLES J. MARMOT
}
} The purpose of this test is to determine the wood chucking ability of
} the common North American groundhog, or woodchuck, and whether said
} rodent can be forced to chuck said wood.
}
} EQUIPMENT
} 1 common North American groundhog
} 1 volunteer (control)
} 2 large cages
} 2 cords of cut logs (white oak) in each cage.
} 2 electroshock belts (see procedure)
}
} PROCEDURE
}
} PHASE 1 (voluntary wood chucking ability)
}
} 1.  Subjects are fitted with electroshock belts and placed in cages,
} which are stocked with wood.  Both subjects appear to be confused.  The
} volunteer, with some effort turns a log on end, an proceeds to sit upon
} it.
}  The rodent subject burrows under the wood pile.
}
} 2.  Observation period.  The volunteer begins to complain after an
} hour, mentioning he has a lot of homework, and can he have his books
} brought to him.  The rodent continues to hide.
}
} PHASE 2 (coerced wood chucking ability)
}
} 1.  The electroshock belt is activated briefly.  The volunteer stops
} complaining about homework, and begins demanding to know why he was
} shocked.  A loud squeal is heard from under the wood pile.
}
} 2.  The electroshock belt is activated again.  The volunteer begins to
} demand we stop "zapping his ass off."  The squealing continues under
} the wood pile.
}
} 3.  The electroshock belt is activated again.  The volunteer begins to
} threaten legal action.  The  squealing from under the woodpile stops.
}
} 4.  The electroshock belt is activated again.  The volunteer continues
} to threaten legal action.  The smell of bacon permeates the test area.
}
} CONCLUSION
}
} 1.  Neither college freshmen nor Common North American groundhogs are
} suited to chucking wood, either voluntarily or under coercion.
}
} 2.  Roasted woodchuck is rather tasty with mustard sauce.
}
} 3.  Lawsuits are expensive and can result in loss of tenure.


1104-10    (64ion dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: R.P.Clement@westminster.ac.uk (Ross Clement)

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Supplicant,
>
> It's an excellent question you've asked, indeed. However, interesting
> as your theory is, I fear that it's just plain wrong, and as an
> omniscient being, I should know.
>
> Face it: it's simply impossible to have time go backwards, even with
> that machine of yours.
>
> You owe the Oracle a negative entropy factor, evidently.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       Oracle's Log, Queuedate 1104.9.  After our successful, but
} stressful, mission to eradicate a Juno infestation in the .Org
} system, I have decided that the crew of the U.S.S. Omniscience
} deserves some shore leave.  To that end, I have set course for the
} planet Lisa.
}
} [Captain Oracle and Commander Zadoc are on the bridge.  Lieutenant
} Kinzler is at the helm, and Ensign Viles is at a computer station in
} the background.]
}
}       ORACLE:  Lieutenant Kinzler, status report?
}
}       KINZLER:  All systems nominal, Captain.
}
}       ORACLE:  Anything on long-range sensors?
}
}       KINZLER:  No questions within 3 light-years, sir.  One moment...
} A new question just came up on the sensors.  Would you like to hear it,
} sir?
}
}       ORACLE:  Certainly.  On screen.
}
} > r pct,
} >
} > Isxcelleut y'veke,nd. e,t stg asor trys,er t 's j plaing, aanniscient
} > b, Ioulkw.
}
}       KINZLER:  It seems to garbled, sir.  I'll try to clean it up a
}       bit...
}
} > F  sm ssible e to bwards, e with t me of yos.
} >
} > Y owee Orle a nive eroy ftor, evidently.
} >
} > Mssage re ats.
}
}       KINZLER:  Here we go, sir...  This is about the best I can get
}       it.
}
} > Dear Supplicnt,
} >
} > It's n excllentquestion yu've sked, ineed. However, intsting as
} > your tory is, I ferh i just plin wng, and as an omnient being, I uld
} > know.
} >
} > Face i: it's sply impossible tove  wds,n wht chie oyours.
} >
} > You owe the Oracle a negative entropy factor, evidently.
}
}       ORACLE:  What?  Commander Zadoc, what do you make of this?
}
}       ZADOC:  Captain, it almost looks like...  a response!  Given by
}       you!
}
}       ORACLE:  My thoughts exactly.
}
}       ZADOC:  But...  I can't remember you ever giving a response like
} that.
}
}       ORACLE:  Nor can I...  Ensign Viles, check the database.  See if
} I've ever given a response that matches the one we've just received.
}
}       VILES:  Negative, Captain.  No such response on record.
}
}       ORACLE:  That's odd...  Lieutenant Kinzler, set course for the
}       response.
}
}       ZADOC:  Captain, are you sure that's wise?  It could be a
} woodchuck trap.
}
}       ORACLE:  True...  Lieutenant, when we arrive at the response,
} maintain a distance of 500 kilometres.  Still, Commander, something
} tells me that the woodchucks couldn't create a simulation that
} sophisticated...  I'll be in my ready room.  It looks like shore
} leave will have to wait.
}
} [Fade to black.  Commercial break.]
}
} [Cptn. Oracle is reading in his ready room.  Lt. Kinzler's voice
} comes over the comm.]
}
}       KINZLER:  Captain to the bridge.  We've reached the response,
} sir.
}
} [Cptn. Oracle walks out to the bridge.]
}
}       ZADOC:  Captain, at this range, the response is much less
} garbled.
}
}       ORACLE:  Excellent.  On screen.
}
} > Dear Supplicant,
} >
} > It's an excellent question you've asked, indeed. However,
} > interesting as your theory is, I fear that it's just plain wrong,
} > and as an omniscient being, I should know.
} >
} > Face it: it's simply impossible to have time go backwards, even with
} > that machine of yours.
} >
} > You owe the Oracle a negative entropy factor, evidently.
}
}       ZADOC:  You definitely wrote that, captain.
}
}       ORACLE:  I can see that, Commander...  Lieutenant, can you
} determine the source of the question?
}
}       KINZLER:  Unknown, Captain.  We'd have to get closer to tell.
}
}       ORACLE:  What the devil is going on here?  Science Officer Og,
} report to the bridge.
}
}       ZADOC:  It looks like sometime in the future, someone will send
} you a question asking you whether or not his time machine works, and
} you'll send this response.  But when?
}
} [Science Officer Og arrives on the bridge;  Cptn. Oracle & Cmdr.
} Zadoc walk up to a computer station to greet him.]
}
}       ORACLE:  Ah, Mr. Og.  What do you make of this response we've
} just received?
}
}       OG:  Re-sponse, sir?  Me thought we search only for ques-tions.
}
}       ORACLE:  It's strange, alright.  Take a look at it.
}
} [The response is replayed on the computer station.]
}
}       OG:  Fa-sci-na-ting, cap-tain.  It seems to be an
} an-ti-ques-tion.
}
}       ZADOC:  Antiquestion?
}
}       OG:  Yes, sir.  Just as an-ti-mat-ter can be seen as nor-mal
} mat-ter mo-ving back-wards in time, an an-ti-ques-tion is a nor-mal
} ques-tion that is mo-ving back-wards in time.  We there-fore see the
} re-sponse be-fore we see the ques-tion.
}
}       ORACLE:  Mr. Og, does this antiquestion pose any threat to the
} U.S.S. Omniscience?
}
}       OG:  No, sir.  This is most like-ly one of our own ques-tions and
} re-spon-ses, some-how in-vert-ed.  It would be in-val-u-a-ble to
} stu-dy it fur-ther.
}
}       ORACLE:  Agreed.  Lieutenant Kinzler, take us in, nice and slow.
}
}       ZADOC:  Og, do you think we'll find the question that this
} response answers?
}
}       OG:  Pos-si-bly.  I will run some com-pu-ter sim-u-la-tions of
} the an-ti-ques-tion to cal-cu-late what we should ex-pect to see.
}
} [Cptn. Oracle & Cmdr. Zadoc return to their chairs.  The response
} slowly grows larger on the screen.  Og continues to run the
} simulation.  The response continues to grow larger on the screen.
} The simulation finishes, and the results flash up on Og's computer.
} Og looks puzzled for a moment, then turns to the Captain.]
}
}       OG:  Cap-tain, what we see here can-not be a true
} an-ti-ques-tion.
}
}       ORACLE:  What do you mean, Og?
}
}       OG:  Ac-cord-ing to the com-pu-ter, the only way this
} an-ti-ques-tion could have been cre-a-ted is by the time ma-chine it
} re-fers to.  But since the cap-tain is om-ni-sci-ent, he would have
} re-al-ized that the time ma-chine would work.  There-fore, the
} cap-tain would not have sent this re-sponse.
}
}       ZADOC:  Are you saying...
}
}       OG:  Yes, sir.  The re-sponse is a fake.
}
}       ORACLE:  The woodchucks!
}
}       ZADOC:  Red alert!  Shields up!
}
} [Klaxons sound & lights flash.  The response on the screen dissolves,
} and is replaced by the fearful image of the W.S.S Monax, a
} Marmot-class Woodchuck destroyer.  The Monax opens fire on the
} Omniscience.  Fade to black.  Commercial break.]
}
} [The Monax fires on the Omniscience.  On the bridge, the crew is
} tossed about violently.]
}
}       ORACLE:  Damage report!
}
}       VILES:  That blast from their lumber rays hit us before we got
} our shields up, Captain!  Propulsion, answer generators, and spam
} torpedoes are off-line.  Shields are at 46%.
}
}       ZADOC:  Return fire, Lieutenant.
}
}       KINZLER:  Aye, sir!
}
} [The Omniscience fires its forward ZOT arrays at the Monax.]
}
}       KINZLER:  No effect, Captain.
}
} [The Monax fires again.  The Omniscience again shakes violently.]
}
}       VILES:  Shields down to 33%.
}
}       ORACLE:  We need options!
}
}       OG:  Sir, the wood-chucks' po-wer sys-tem may have been drained
} by pro-jec-ting the res-ponse.  If we tune our ZOT rays to the cor-rect
} me-ta-pha-sic fre-quen-cy, we may be able to dis-able them.
}
}       ORACLE:  Do it, Mr. Og.
}
} [The Omniscience fires its ZOT rays at the Monax.]
}
}       KINZLER:  Direct hit, captain.  The woodchucks are dead in the
} water.
}
} [An evil look comes over Cptn. Oracle's face.]
}
}       ORACLE:  Destroy them.
}
}       KINZLER:  Aye, sir.
}
} [The Omniscience fires several more ZOT blasts at the Monax,
} destroying it.]
}
}       KINZLER:  Target destroyed, captain.
}
}       ORACLE:  Lieutenant, resume course to the planet Lisa.
}
}       KINZLER:  With pleasure, sir.
}
} ==========================
} You owe the Oracle a new season of "Star Trek: The Next Generation."


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