} Firstly, my fleshly friend, let's understand that, although I am of
} enormous stature and vast intellect, I am in no way "plump," thank you
} very much. If you're going to attempt any communication with a woman,
} you must learn to grovel properly.
} Now, my porcine parasite, you must turn your liabilities into assets.
} Think of all the fabulous things that you, a man of girth, have to
} offer a young maiden:
} 1. Your tremendous shadow can always keep the sun out of her eyes.
} 2. You come in handy at dinner... never any leftovers.
} 3. You're fun to hug (think "cuddly").
} 4. You'll always make her feel thin.
} 5. You make a fantastic pillow.
} 6. There's always plenty of room on your lap.
} 7. Fat people ARE more fun; know any jolly, thin people?
} 8. You'll eat anything she cooks.
} 9. You can hide things in your belly folds (hours of fun, I'm sure).
} 10. You make the biggest splash in the pool (tres impressive).
} The important thing, above all, is confidence. Yes, my good man,
} believe in yourself and she will believe in you! Carry yourself with
} pride, speak with conviction, and remember to smile. Show her the
} person you truly are beneath that disgusting, obese, greasy,
} pock-marked, four-eyed, repugnant, destitute, slothful, offensive,
} odiferous, pathetic, miserable exterior of yours. Good luck.
} You owe the Oracle... hey, you gonna eat that?