} No, no -- I've been sending you secret telepathic messages to "kill
} your mail, man". Though she doesn't know it, your mail-lady is
} delivering messages to you from one of the world's most feared secret
} This band of outlaws from justice is known only as the Campaign for
} International Surrealism (PHISH). With a lethal combination of
} subversive tendencies and highly trained art-school minds, they have
} been responsible for some of the most terrible acts of unprovoked
} oddness the world has ever seen:
} - In Kansas, Texas in May 1962, Maria Sanchez (on the run from the
} top-security Mexico City School of Fine Art) posed as a waitress and
} took an order from an unsuspecting customer -- but instead of bringing
} the food, she carried a flaming telephone directory on a silver
} platter. Twelve customers were treated for severe bemusement and one
} for slight confusion.
} - In February 1984, in the middle of a local government meeting in
} Bordeaux, France, Robert Alduin from England (previously imprisoned for
} serious offences including Behaviour Likely to Cause Slight Disturbance
} to an Onlooker) stood up and shouted "Sometimes I spit with pleasure on
} my mother's portrait". Thankfully the locals were too drunk to notice,
} and disaster was narrowly averted.
} - In November 1993, in perhaps the most notorious incident yet, a giant
} egg was found on a beach in St Lucia. When a crowd gathered to examine
} this phenomenon, an activist named Edward Lightfoot jumped out of it
} and proceeded to twirl his moustache in a captivating manner. Five
} locals and twenty tourists were treated for the grave effects of having
} seen this irrational scene, with a further forty people reported to be
} feeling a bit odd for the rest of the day.
} As you can see, this ruthless gang of bandits will stop at nothing to
} infiltrate society with their perverted brand of Dalian homage. Now you
} are their next target: each day, hidden among the rivers of junk mail,
} they send their secret missives through your door. It won't be long now
} before their sinister message is complete, and... on second thoughts, I
} won't tell you what it is now -- it would spoil the fun of watching
} when you find out.
} You owe the Oracle a promise not to go postal.