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Internet Oracularities #1132

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1132, 1132-01, 1132-02, 1132-03, 1132-04, 1132-05, 1132-06, 1132-07, 1132-08, 1132-09, 1132-10


Internet Oracularities #1132    (68 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 1999 18:21:47 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line.  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   1132
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1132  68 votes dyg50 59hij 2cioc 6igk8 2bqhc 7hqc6 ahgg9 16hue 1btl6 5cbfp
1132  3.2 mean  2.2   3.5   3.5   3.1   3.4   2.9   3.0   3.7   3.3   3.6


1132-01    (dyg50 dist, 2.2 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Great Oracle who knows it ain't easy, who knows how hard it can
> be, who successfully survived all nine revolutions, who was probably
> really the one in the walrus suit all along, on this day, December 8,
> the anniversary of John Lennon's assassination, I can't help but
> wonder -- why did John Lennon, of all people, get assassinated?
> I mean, why couldn't somebody assassinate Madonna instead?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}      Because double lives take half as long.
}
}      You owe the Oracle a copy of Bartlett's Complete Quotations and
} Cliches.


1132-02    (59hij dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Eh-oh, Owwie!  Owwie is vewwy vewwy big!  Ask Owwie again again!  If de
> Pokemon fight Tewwetubbies, wha' happen?  Bye bye!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Internet Oracle stands on a high balcony of his Temple, as a Winter
} storm rolls across the Indiana plains.  His hair streaming in the wind,
} he stares out across America, his eyes focussed inwards, not seeing the
} fury of the advancing storm.
}
} He sees the vast wasteland of popular culture: the plastic sitcoms
} featuring plastic actors mouthing plastic jokes; the incestuous
} entertainment talk shows which feature the same guests pushing the same
} movies; the talk shows which derive entertainment from incest with
} woodchucks; the ultra-slick news shows with their teflon anchors to
} which any news or information completely fails to stick.
}
} He sees a culture, vast and bloated, devouring anything and everything
} that it can lay its greasy fingers on, from badly lip-synched Japanese
} cartoons to preverbal British childrens' shows; from Uzbekistani art
} films to Andean flute music; from traditional American Indian artworks,
} to East Indian spiritualism.  All masticated, swallowed and digested to
} produce a bland pap to feed the millions of minds suckling on the
} monster's multitude of teats.
}
} He sees vast tracts of houses, all alike, all populated by people who
} consider the label "executive" to be a higher honour than "teacher" or
} "artist"; who want their Ford Expeditions, their DVD players and their
} MTV because their neighbours have Expeditions, DVDs and MTV; who have
} no idea who their Congressional representatives are and haven't voted
} in the last 7 mayoral races; whose Congressional representatives don't
} care because they are in the pockets of the executives.  People who
} watch the latest plastic sitcom because everyone else is watching the
} plastic sitcom.
}
} He sees, down the road from these vast tracts of houses, people
} starving on the street; families who don't know where next month's rent
} is coming from, but who are thankful because poverty here is infinitely
} better than the poverty they came from in countries ruled by strongmen
} in uniforms with lots of jingly medals who happen to be in the pockets
} of the Congressional representatives and executives; families who,
} nevertheless, aspire to own an Expedition and a DVD and have their MTV.
} People who dream of being like the people who drive past their houses
} on the freeway, the people who could lend a hand, but don't.
}
} High above the Indiana plains, the Oracle sighs.
}
} He knows that there is a simple way to prevent this madness.
}
} He is omniscient.  He knows what it is.  All that he needs is someone
} to ask the question, and he can lay it out in startling clarity.
}
} He has been waiting for many, many years for that question.
}
} Averting his eyes from the windswept fields of corn, he glances at the
} top of the vast stack of questions he has yet to answer:
}
} > Eh-oh, Owwie!  Owwie is vewwy vewwy big!  Ask Owwie again again!  If
} > de Pokemon fight Tewwetubbies, wha' happen?  Bye bye!
}
} Not this time, then.  But he knew that.
}
} The wind blows the last dead leaves of Autumn across the balcony.
}
} The Oracle sighs, turns, and leaves the balcony, leaves the icy wind,
} leaves the grey sky.  Distracted, he fails to notice a form protrate in
} the darkness inside the doorway.  From within is heard a crash,
} followed by cursing and profuse grovelling.
}
} Eventually, there is silence.
}
} The first flakes of snow begin to fall.


1132-03    (2cioc dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Mike Nolan <nolan@celery.tssi.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Great and Wise Oracle:
>
> I have this, um ... friend.  See, my friend accidentally lost contact
> with this lander^H^H^H^H^H^H model plane that he was flying, and the
> people that paid for it are unhappy about that.  I was wondering do the
> Martia^H^H^H^H^H^H other people in the park have anything to do with
> it's loss?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}      The Martian High Comm^W^W^W neighbor's kids took offense at your,
} um, friend's blatant invasion of their airsp^W^W^W^W^W really dweebish
} hobby and launched fighte^W^W threw rocks to interce^W knock it down.
} The MHC leaders^W^W neighbor's kids regard this incident as an act of
} wa^W^W^W^W jolly good fun and are at this very moment approaching in a
} heavy battle cruis^W^W^W Buick Regal with intent to vapori^W cruelly
} taunt him with ion canno^W^W naughty language.
}
}      Your, um, friend would be well advised to run like he^W^W^W take a
} vacation in a subterranean bunke^W^W^W Walt Disney World until the
} impending holocau^W holiday has passed.
}
} You owe the Oracle a tour of Area Fift^W^W Epcot Center.


1132-04    (6igk8 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: krc@erythrea.wellesley.edu

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> On the first day of Y2K, my true love gave to me...

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} ...a blackout in the city.
}
} On the second day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, too many problems,
} like a blackout in the city.
}
} On the third day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, three assault
} weapons, too many problems, like a blackout in the city.
}
} On the fourth day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, four more years of
} mayhem, three assault weapons, too many problems, like a blackout in
} the city.
}
} On the fifth day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, five cinderblocks;
} four more years of mayhem, three assault weapons, too many problems,
} like a blackout in the city.
}
} On the sixth day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, six crooks-a-lootin',
} five cinderblocks; four more years of mayhem, three assault weapons,
} too many problems, like a blackout in the city.
}
} On the seventh day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, seven swans for
} dinner, six crooks-a-lootin', five cinderblocks; four more years of
} mayhem, three assault weapons, too many problems, like a blackout in
} the city.
}
} On the eighth day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, eight
} maids-a-murdered, seven swans for dinner, six crooks-a-lootin', five
} cinderblocks; four more years of mayhem, three assault weapons, too
} many problems, like a blackout in the city.
}
} On the ninth day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, nine banks-a-burnin',
} eight maids-a-murdered, seven swans for dinner, six crooks-a-lootin',
} five cinderblocks; four more years of mayhem, three assault weapons,
} too many problems, like a blackout in the city.
}
} On the tenth day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, ten
} pipers-sodomized-with-their-own-pipes, nine banks-a-burnin', eight
} maids-a-murdered, seven swans for dinner, six crooks-a-lootin', five
} cinderblocks; four more years of mayhem, three assault weapons, too
} many problems, like a blackout in the city.
}
} On the eleventh day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, eleven
} nukes-a-launching, ten pipers-sodomized-with-their-own-pipes, nine
} banks-a-burnin', eight maids-a-murdered, seven swans for dinner, six
} crooks-a-lootin', five cinderblocks; four more years of mayhem, three
} assault weapons, too many problems, like a blackout in the city.
}
} On the last day of Y2K, my true love gave to me, twelve angry men,
} eleven nukes-a-launching, ten pipers-sodomized-with-their-own-pipes,
} nine banks-a-burnin', eight maids-a-murdered, seven swans for dinner,
} six crooks-a-lootin', five cinderblocks; four more years of mayhem,
} three assault weapons, too many problems, like a blackout in the city.
}
} You owe the Oracle thirteen ATMs-a-spewing.


1132-05    (2bqhc dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <zymurge@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> There once was an Oracle, all knowing, fair,
> Who sat in his castle and warned us "Beware
> If the question you send me has woodchucks, or lacks
> Certain grovels, it's my fury you'll feel on your backs."
>
> In a far-distant city, alone and afraid,
> A supplicant thought and a question he made.
> He prefaced it well with a grovel quite full
> Of obsequious crawlings and pet names and bull.
>
> He asked of the Oracle, (of whose fame is known
> From the valleys of Leura to somewhere in Rome),
> If, from the great knowledge our Oracle keeps
> A small part could travel in bounds and in leaps
>
> From Oracular temple to server to mail
> past hot Indiana and cold Innisfail,
> The answer would travel, if only the Great
> And the Wise Usenet Oracle would lend it some weight.
>
> The question he asked there, while not of the best
> Was certainly higher in class than the rest.
> "Oh Oracle mighty, for whom the winds roar
> Please tell me the best way to kill off a snore."
>
> The supplicant paused, and with breath held he pressed
> Down the send key, and waited, while message addressed
> To "Oracle, Usenet" was packed up and sent
> And off to the great Indiana it went.
>
> If Oracle wills it, an ending we'll see,
> When on Monday we log on and check mailbox B.
> So the wise Incarnation who reads this, I ask
> Send an answer that's worthy of this long-writ task.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}   (Your question excels! It is surely the pinnacle,
}   Writ so very well not a single word cynical.)
}
} An answer of worth? Is that what you seek?
} I can only try, though I be quite meek.
} An answer I hope is what I can supply
} once I call up the courage to press on 'Reply'.
}
} I find that your grovel, so steeped in good verse,
} has talent and humour, and nowt was perverse.
} It's pleasant to see that you did heed my warning,
} as woodchucks are not what one wants in the morning.
}
} On fame well I don't want to seem oliagenous,
} But so swiftly it spread did it seem instantaneous
} In a blink of an eye had it left Faulconbridge,
} when already it landed on the Clintons' fridge.
}
} But back to the question I have to unravel
} as first you did ask me 'but how will it travel?'
} From Indiana will it leave with a gust,
} be assured you will not see this message for dust.
}
} In the time that it takes for the clock just to tick,
} this missive will zoom past Lismore and Chiswick,
} and will safely arrive as a tune you are humming,
} and land with a 'ding' in the box marked 'Incoming'.
}
} (that is, if evil plays not with our fates
} things may be delayed if it passes by Gates)
}
} But now to your query no more shall I dally,
} Well maybe a tad but now forth must I sally.
} Now ponder it I did this question you pose;
} Just how does one lessen the nocturnal nose?
}
} Enjoy it, I say, for I think it is good!
} (Though I make much more noise than a mere mortal should.)
} Biased am I with my nose that does bellow?
} Admittedly yes, I'm a quite snorey fellow.
}
} I know not the pain I inflict upon others
} I'm blissfully ignorant under the covers
} Occasionally when I've shared someone's place,
} I've had threats that duct tape be stuck on my face.
}
} Such acts are quite cruel and unkind and so callow,
} so may I suggest - and I hope it's not shallow...
} Advancements in pillow design can that snore
} Reduce til it is but the gentlest roar.
}
} Alternatively some nose-plugs may you choose,
} but do be aware that they can leave a bruise
} First thing in the morning no-one looks their best
} add a bruised nose to that and well - be my guest.
}
} Try one of these tactics - it is my assumption
} There'll soon be an end to your sleep interruption
} I've waffled on way past my quota and so
} I'll bid you adieu, but first the 'You Owe'
}
}
} As recompence for this quite long-winded rhyme,
} You owe me but one moment of your good time.
} May I recommended that your spend just a minute,
} and write up a poem, having me, starring in it.


1132-06    (7hqc6 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Mike Nolan <nolan@celery.tssi.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise, I just discovered that a paper clip is called a
> "trombone" in French.
>
> Do French orchestras have a paper clip section?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, but they do have a Savoir-Faire section, which, as you will recall,
} is literally translated as "nose hair."  They also have, from left to
} right, a section for Viola, Voila, Tuba, Coup d'Etat, Mise En Scene, Je
} Ne Sais Quoi, and the ever popular Raison D'Etre.
}
} So now you know.  And knowing is half the battle.  ("G.I. JOOOOOEE!")
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of Debussy's "Etude for Deja-Vu and
} Glockenspiel in E Minor."


1132-07    (ahgg9 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <berlin63@hotmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why oh why mighty, and wise beyond belief embodiement of intellectually
> ephemeral metriculatory matter, are purple people eaters such an
> obscene color?
>
> Your Most Humble Servant,
>
> Captain Webster

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Please paraphrase potentially parsimonious prosody, poor peccant.
}
} Popping poor purple people previously prevented priests' pale
} poorliness, promoting pulchritude. Proles' preferred pasties, pies,
} pizzas provided pestilent priesthood; processing purple people provided
} power, principles, prosperity. People protested, preventing priests
} pulling purple people.  Problems plagued priesthood.
}
} Passionate papists prayed prolifically, praising pages, proposing
} possible potions, performing priapic peccadillos. Precepts, public
} pressure protected purple people; portentously praeternatural
} preoccupations pushed precipitously.
}
} Prior Peter, pained post prandial paucity, played potions
} pragmatically.  Presently... "Powerful parables!" prattled proud
} Peter, "Potion's proved principle!" Panting, Peter passed praying
} priests potion. "Pah!" pooh-poohed priests, "Prior's prattish prank!"
}
} Peter persisted; priests packed potion. Pow! Priests' pelts
} proved purest puce! Potion's power performed; pukey puce pelts
} petrified puffing parsons. "Port primped pelts plainly!" pleaded
} Peter, preening.  Pretending painful practices, puggy pugilist Peter
} prodded purple proles, picking plump Peppa (polymorphously perverse).
} Petrified protestors, perceiving Prior's pusillanimous puce pelt,
} paled, panicked.
}
} Passing priory, pulling Peppa, Peter praised potion's paining puce.
} Pasties? Pies? Pizzas? Pah! Peter prepared posthumous preserved purple
} person, pending prandial plenitude.
}
} Presently Peter placed presidential port, plucking penultimate purple
} person piece. Providing people's proverb:
}
} Peter Prior pinched peck pickled Peppa.
}
} Penance: provide priesthood plenty punnier puns.


1132-08    (16hue dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <berlin63@hotmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Non-bifocal wearing Oracle whose vision into the perplexities of human
> life can not be overlooked,
>
> Does the genetic code contain useful comments?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It most certainly does! As you are no doubt aware, each DNA double
} helix contains 2 polynucleotide strands called the sense and antisense
} strands. Only the former is used as a template for creating proteins;
} the latter contains all the comments. Let's examine a random chunk of
} your DNA (straightened out so as not to overstrain my ascii art
} capabilities), remembering that each triplet of base pairs constitutes
} a codon:
}
} SENSE
}      1        2        3        4        5        6        7        8
} ------------------------------------------------------------------------
}  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
}  C  A  G  T  T  C  A  C  A  G  G  G  C  T  A  A  G  C  T  A  G  Z  O  T
}  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
}  G  T  C  A  A  G  T  G  T  C  C  C  G  A  T  T  C  G  A  T  C  Z  O  T
}  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
} ------------------------------------------------------------------------
} ANTISENSE
}
} CODON 1 (Sense)
}     Blue eyes (recessive).
} CODON 1 (Antisense)
}     REM  Since your Dad was homozygous for brown eye colour, he really
}     REM  should have been watching the milkman more closely.
}
} CODON 2 (Sense)
}     Blood group Rhesus negative (dominant).
} CODON 2 (Antisense)
}     REM  Good news - you're not a monkey.
}
} CODON 3 (Sense)
}     Premature male pattern baldness (recessive).
} CODON 3 (Antisense)
}     REM  Better start investing in some Regaine now, slaphead, if you
}     REM  don't want to end up looking like William Hague.
}
} CODON 4 (Sense)
}     Tourette's syndrome (recessive).
} CODON 4 (Antisense)
}     REM  Look, I just write the #&%%!*@ comments, okay? I'm not $%^##@+
}     REM  responsible for the @#=*+%$"!!!@# genome, so &*@~$$#% off!
}
} CODON 5 (Sense)
}     Wrinkled pea (dominant).
} CODON 5 (Antisense)
}     REM  Either humans are much more closely related to pea plants
}     REM  than scientists heretofore suspected, or else there's a kink
}     REM  in your urethra.
}
} CODON 6 (Sense)
}     Tendency not to pay the Oracle what you owe him (recessive).
} CODON 6 (Antisense)
}     REM  You swine!
}
} CODON 7 (Sense)
}     Stop codon - prevents remaining instructions on this strand from
}     being carried out.
} CODON 7 (Antisense)
}     REM  But this gene is switched off if the codon immediately
}     REM  preceding it is recessive, you miserly little ratbag.
}     REM  Coincidence? Hardly - the old guy with the halo and the
}     REM  long white beard owes me a few from way back.
}
} CODON 8 (Sense)
}     AutoZOT (dominant).
} CODON 8 (Antisense)
}     REM  Imagine life as you know it stopping instantaneously and
}     REM  all the molecules in your body exploding at the speed of
}     REM  light if you so much as think of displeasing the Internet
}     REM  Oracle.
}
} You owe the Oracle all of Margaret Thatcher's DNA. And a blender.


1132-09    (1btl6 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <berlin63@hotmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Grovulated Oracle, I fall on my nose before you just to sing your
> praises.
>
> I am troubled by birds.  They are outside my window, day and night.
> My mother says that they are morning doves and evening grossbeeks.
> Why are they there all the time?  Why don't they stick to their own
> times of day?
>
> The morning doves look like pigeons, even in the evening.  Maybe
> they're not doves at all, like the holy roman umpire which wasn't any
> of those.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Good call, Supplicant.  But listen carefully.  What I'm about to
} tell you is highly dangerous.  If the wrong set of eyes read this,
} you'll be in serious danger.  Close the shades. Delete this email as
} soon as you read it.  For safety's sake, it's best if you reformat
} your hard drive as soon as possible.
}
} Birds are not native to this planet.  They are a highly intelligent and
} remarkably well-organized invasion force.  The Oracle, in cooperation
} with some others that I can't name in such a nonsecure medium, has
} been fighting against them for millenia; it is a testament to their
} power and tenacity that even entities as powerful as we cannot drive
} them away.
}
} Every now and again, they choose one or two people at random for
} psychological testing.  Oh, it all seems innocent at first, to be sure.
} A songbird outside the window here, a crow cawing in the afternoon.
} Bit by bit, the chosen subject is driven mad, and they come closer to
} their objective of total mental control over humanity.  This is what's
} happened to you.  All is not hopeless; you can thwart them by following
} a seemingly-random program of blocking out their mind-controlling
} chirps and songs.  Use headphones, a loud TV, foil-lined ear plugs,
} a jackhammer.  Do what you must, but be careful.
}
} This is key.  YOU MUST NOT LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THIS!
} Hitchcock was taking a chance by releasing the documentary film "The
} Birds" at all.  We argued against it, but he felt he needed to get
} the word out somehow, that if only a few human lives were saved each
} year, the risk was worth it.  Poe was less lucky with "The Raven";
} his death was made to look accidental but I assure you, he did *not*
} die in an alcoholic stupor.  They think nothing of sending one of
} their suicide geese into a jet engine in order to take out the one
} person on the flight who knows the truth.
}
} Take care, Supplicant.  We can't do much for you without throwing
} all our plans in jeopardy, but we will do what we can.
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of "The Birds" on DVD.


1132-10    (5cbfp dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <berlin63@hotmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> 2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Thousands of Stores.  Millions of Products.  All in one place.
> Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} What are those, the scores you want for this answer?  Well, if you
} insist...
}
} --- 1132-01 YAho0 2.0 ------------------------------------------------
} Selected-By: Zadoc Worm <worm@cs.indiana.edu>
}
} The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} > Do You Yahoo!?
} > Thousands of Stores.  Millions of Products.  All in one place.
} > Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } Do You Grovel!?
} } Thousands of Watts.  Millions of Volts.  All in one place.
} } Oracle! Zotting: http://zotting.oracle.com
}
} --- 1132-02 *0001 1.0 ------------------------------------------------
} Selected-By: Rebecca Thompson <wanko_2_1@juno.com>
}
} The Internet Oracle has pondered your question shallowly.
} Your question was:
}
} > Do You Yahoo!?
} > Thousands of Stores.  Millions of Products.  All in one place.
} > Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com
}
} And in response, thus spewed the Oracle:
}
} } GIF!
}
} --- 1132-03 blEah 3.0 ------------------------------------------------
} Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <helphelpiwantoutahere@mindspring.com>
}
} The Internet Oracle has pondered your query briefly.
} Your query was:
}
} > Do You Yahoo!?
} > Thousands of Stores.  Millions of Products.  All in one place.
} > Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com
}
} And in reply, thus said the Oracle:
}
} } Only with Hot Males from Juneau.
} }
} } You owe the Oracle a less suggestive tagline.
}
} --- 1132-04 g33kY 4.0 ------------------------------------------------
} Selected-By: R.P.Clement@westminster.ac.uk (Don Rosso Clementi)
}
} The Uselessnet Oracle has pondered your tellme lengthily.
} Your tellme was:
}
} > Do You Yahoo!?
} > Thousands of Stores.  Millions of Products.  All in one place.
} > Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com
}
} And unfortunately, thus wrote the Oracle:
}
} } Captain's Log, Stardate 8715.0: The Enterprise is investigating a
} } report of ancient Earth artifacts being discovered in the Oohay
} } system.  In spite of the fact that there are several fully
} } functional Federation science vessels already in the system, the
} } Writers have chosen to send us to investigate.
} }
} } WORF: We are approaching the last known site of the artifacts.
} }
} } PICARD: On screen.
} }
} } [A huge swirling cloud of unidentifiable fragments appears on
} } screen.]
} }
} } PICARD: Magnify.
} }
} } [One of the artifacts appears on screen.  It is a card with the word
} } "Pokemon" printed on it.]
} }
} } PICARD: Data, do you know what this is?
} }
} } DATA: Yes, I believe I do, Captain.  Pokemon refers to a ritualistic
} } form of torture used by late twentieth century children to control
} } the adults of the time.  In fact some intelligence reports indicate
} } that the Cardassians have obtained--
} }
} } PICARD: No, I mean, how did the artifacts get here?
} }
} } DATA: Scanning.  Strange.  I am reading abnormal density readings at
} } the center of the cloud.  It is almost as if several million of the
} } artifacts are occupying the same point in the space-time continuum.
}
} [Cut to commercial.  Continue for 300 more lines, or at least until
}  the "Best Of" digest becomes so large that it ends before my^H^Ha
}  *good* answer like 1117-09 is included.  I mean, really, it scored
}  3.675, that's only .045 points lower than 1104-10, did it *really*
}  have to be the one that -- What? Oh, the answer. Sorry.]
}
} --- 1132-05 sp3ew 3.0 ------------------------------------------------
} Selected-By: Og <og@nol.com>
}
} The tired Oracle has brushed off your message annoyedly.
} Your message was:
}
} > Do You Yahoo!?
} > Thousands of Stores.  Millions of Products.  All in one place.
} > Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com
}
} And it is alleged, that the Oracle spake thus:
}
} } Let's find out.
} }
} } Yahoo!
} }
} } Hmm. Looks like I do.
} }
} } You owe the Oracle a more difficult question.
}
} --- 1132-06 0000* 5.0 ------------------------------------------------
} Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
}
} The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} > Do You Yahoo!?
} > Thousands of Stores.  Millions of Products.  All in one place.
} > Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } What are those, the scores you want for this answer?  Well, if you
} } insist...
} }
} } --- 1132-01 YAho0 2.0 ----------------------------------------------
}
} > Hey, wait a second.  That's not funny!
}
} What?
}
} > Do you realize how incredibly tired recursion jokes are? I wouldn't
} > even give that a "3".
}
} Well...
}
} > I bet the next line was going to be something like "recursion fault
} > (core dumped)".  In fact, this whole answer looks suspiciously like
} > 1063-09.  Can't you think of anything original for a change?
}
} Hey, now, are you telling _Me_ about originality?  Need I remind you
} that you have posted that "2 1 3 4 3  5 3 3 4 1" joke to
} rec.humor.oracle.d *four times* already.
}
} > Well...
}
} It's not even funny to begin with.  And it doesn't make for a decent
} predator-raptor followup.  Let's see here:
}
} : > This insert has a protective coating.
} :
} : 2 1 3 4 3  5 3 3 4 1
}
} : > A man best possession is a sympathetic wife.
} :
} : 2 1 3 4 3  5 3 3 4 1
}
} It just doesn't doesn't cut it.
}
} > I still wouldn't give this answer a five.
}
} Really? Well, need I remind you about the time, when you first
} discovered the Oracle, and asked how much--
}
} > Wait!  All of a sudden I'm starting to find this answer
} > sidesplittingly hilarious.
}
} As you well should.  Now, may I finish the answer?
}
} } Selected-By: Zadoc Worm <worm@cs.indiana.edu>
} }
} } The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} } Your question was:
} }
} } > Do You Yahoo!?
} } > Thousands of Stores.  Millions of Products.  All in one place.
} } > Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com
} }
} } And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Predictability fault (core dumped)
} NO CARRIER


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