} Heh. Heehehehe. Oh, this is a good one.
} Sorry, supplicant, I know it's not nice to laugh, but really ...
} I think you'll see the humor.
} See, there you are, thinking you're the Job of the Lego-Gods,
} thwarted mercilessly at every turn as you endeavor to build your
} impervious fort.
} When in fact, dear supplicant ... dear, *dear* supplicant ... of
} all the Lego-Gods' subjects, you are for some inexplicable reason
} the most beloved. They adore you. They must be near you, and they
} shower you with Legos at every opportunity.
} You think it's a coincidence that you ran into those sales last
} Saturday at Kay-Bee? That Legos mysteriously lurk in your bedding,
} only coming to your attention with the occasional "OW" in the night?
} Other people buy a Tub-O-Legos, play with it a few times, and then
} if it ever occurs to them to wonder why so many seem to be missing,
} they just figure they must just be under the couch. They are --
} under yours. Have you looked under there? It's swarming with Lego
} bricks that have made the pilgrimage just to be close to you.
} So, (heheh) you're asking yourself, if the Lego-Gods love me so much,
} why do they keep giving me the wrong freaking bricks?
} Oh, this is the good part.
} They *aren't*!! Who taught you to build a fort, anyway? Escher?
} Lo, for the past many years Lego-Gods have been maneuvering your hand
} to *exactly* the right Lego brick for the given task, let's say a
} 2x4 brick quivering in joyful anticipation of being touched by you,
} being fulfilled in its life's ambition of being placed by you into one
} of your (heheh) masterpieces of construction ... and then you pass
} your hand right over it and grab a lowly 2x1 that's buried beneath
} its Lego brethren!
} Do you realize (heheh) how many Lego prophets you have annointed
} this way? That every brick you stubbornly select in your seemingly
} endless quest to construct the most improbable fort ever made is
} hereafter (HEEheheh) looked upon as a saint by its peers? That the
} bricks you pass over -- the bricks which would, by the way, build you
} an award-winning, world-calibre fort-to-end-all-forts -- are ever after
} (HAAAhaheheheh) shunned and condemned to a musty life in exile under
} the sofa cushions?
} Oh, *wiping eyes* my sides ache.
} You owe the Oracle the blueprints to that stockade you built for
} the Lego cowboys & Indians battle. A few other deities and I have
} a wager on exactly how many laws of physics it violates.