} OK, before I answer your question, let the Oracle tell you how times
} have changed:
} Once upon a time I'd get questions from people concerned with the world
} around them, such as how to get world peace and how to feed the hungry.
} Now I have to answer questions like, "I"m bored, what do I do" and "I'm
} in big trouble if I can't get the stain out of that blue dress. What
} gets out body fluids?". *Sigh* The joy that is humanity.
} So, having said that, I will tell you exactly how to liven up your drab
} existence within the resources available to you (which isn't much,
} considering your non-omnipotent status). But you asked.
} Flash back with me to the summer of 1991. You and your wife were
} having a conversation, and you said, "Honey, your birthday is coming
} up. What would you like as a present?"
} "Oh, nothing dear. Having your love is all I'll ever need. Please
} don't bother."
} Now, go forward with me a couple of weeks, July 14 to be exact (your
} wife's birthday). It's 10:00pm and you are on the couch, pillow under
} your head, one of the kids' STAR WARS sleeping bags on top of you.
} "But honey, you said you didn't WANT anything for your birthday!!", you
} yell as you hear the slamming of the bedroom door.
} Now, go forward with me to last week, as she and you were car shopping.
} She told you you should go for the affordable, sensible 1976 Gremlin,
} while you had your eye on the $50,000 red sports car. And she told you
} that they day you come home in that will be the day she ties you to the
} bumper and drags you behind it doing 120mph, stopping only to pour
} rubbing alcohol in the fresh wounds. Well, it's the same thing as the
} "Ice Summer of '91", and you don't want to let history repeat itself.
} So leave work right now, go down to the dealership and buy the sports
} car for the woman you call "Shmoopy". She'll be so surprised, I can
} guarantee you things'll liven up.
} Oh yeah, don't forget to tell her how you were thoughtful enough to get
} the extended warranty and "rust protection".
} You owe the Oracle a tub of popcorn and front row seats for what
} promises to be "the biggest thrill ride of the summer"