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} You want to do what?
}
} I'm gonna be a spacecowboy!
}
} A space cowboy. Before I can grant you this loan I need to
} know a bit more about your business plan.
}
} Easy. I'm gonna fly a couple of cows to Mars and set up my ranch.
}
} I see. And how far away is Mars.
}
} Well because of the distance involved, and required trajectory,
} it's a trip of just over 50 milliion miles.
}
} And this trip would take.
}
} Well, current estimates say about 180 days.
}
} Ah, good. Let's do some math then. How many heads of cattle
} are you planning to bring?
}
} Well, I'm figuring I should start with a small herd. Probably
} just start with four. Two male and two female.
}
} Good, and they weigh?
}
} About a thousand pounds each.
}
} Got it, four thousand pounds. And how much food do cows eat?
}
} About 24 pounds of grains and ruffage a day.
}
} Twenty four, times four... And how much water do you expect
} they will require?
}
} Well, since they'll be in a climate controlled environment, we
} can adjust it to just two gallons a day.
}
} Ok, a quick bit of calculations, well according to this,
} you'll be shipping 33,472 pounds.
}
} Yep, and it costs $10,000 a pound to launch 'em.
}
} Well, that means that you'll require about $334,719,500 in
} shipping and handling...
}
} And that's what I wrote down.
}
} I see, and you've added the vehicle cost here, of
} approximately...
}
} $75,000,000. I found an old Atlas on ebay.
}
} I see, and you list launch rights of..
}
} $34,000,000. I've got a cousin who has an abandoned oil platform,
} but it needs new plumbing and a paint job.
}
} That's all well and good.
}
} Plus I need $18,000,000 for ground support and maintenance crews.
}
} Yes I understand, and that brings your total to nearly $500,
} 000,000. That's a very large sum of money. What may I ask are
} you planning on using for collateral?
}
} Well, I've got a car, and my trailer.
}
} You drive a Yugo and your trailer has a tree growing through
} the back half.
}
} I also got these here shares from a feller named Gates when I got
} him out of the Arizona pokey once.
}
} <Some time later>
}
} And we're back. I'm Larry King and my guest is the first space
} cowboy. Tell, me, if you had to do it all again, what would you
} do differently?
}
} Well, I'd try to get some smart feller to come up with a
} space suit for a cow.
}
} You owe the oracle 800 lbs. of really expensive beef jerky.
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