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24 Nov 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 9:23:41 GMT

Internet Oracularities #1194

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Internet Oracularities #1194    (62 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sun, 17 Dec 2000 10:23:57 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line.  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   1194
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1194  62 votes 3bph6 2ftc4 5cki7 5iob4 ahq72 6bjl5 17it7 2jqc3 3dog6 45glg
1194  3.1 mean  3.2   3.0   3.2   2.9   2.6   3.1   3.5   2.9   3.1   3.6


1194-01    (3bph6 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce M. Wilson" <awilson@uplink.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The daily burden of working all day long, the search for meaning in the
> debris of modern culture, I can only continue because I know the Oracle
> can explain it all! Oh let the praise of The Oracle sound from many
> a tongue, Telling of his intellectual deeds should be etched in gold!
>
> How can I get my coworkers to discuss something other than TV sitcoms
> during work breaks?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You will already have discovered that it is useless to try changing
} the subject, as your colleagues will immediately return to sitcoms.
} You need to be rather more subtle.  Obtain a copy of your company
} regulations and peruse them carefully.  if you are lucky you will find
} that no provision is made for breaks.  Complain to senior management
} that its workers are not putting in their required hours.  Although
} breaks may cease for a time until the regulations are modified, you
} will be pleasantly surprised to find that the subject of conversation
} has undergone a radical change and will doubtless include you, your
} immediate past, and your future.  Good luck.


1194-02    (2ftc4 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <bright.red.fish@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Oracle,
>
> Is CowOxide equivalent with roast beef?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear supplicant,
}
} I'm afraid it's not as easy as that. As any adept student of chemistry
} can tell you, what is commonly know as "roast beef" is, in fact,
} known to the chemistry community as "2 DiCowTriOxide" and is derived
} at by the reaction: "4 Cows + 3 O2 --> 2 Cow2O3" (the trailing numbers
} should be lowered, but the Oracle's mailer does not support this).
}
} CowOxide (tm), on the other hand, is the result of a patented
} anti-decomposing-treatment, which prevents the rotting of meat.
} I can't reveal the process in full, but  it involves replacing all the
} substances that can rot with course, coated sawdust. Sludge is then
} added for texture. CowOxide (tm), when introduced a few years ago,
} has taken the catering community by storm and now is the meat base
} of about 85% of all burgers (the other 15% being chicken and fish).
}
} You owe the Oracle some fresh haggis and two pints of McEwan's 80%.


1194-03    (5cki7 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  O Oracle whose wisdom sometimes disappoints me, even though I prepare
>  to be Zotted for merely asking...
>
>  Who's more accurate, you or my Magic 8-ball?  Please support your
>  answer with case history.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The outcome is uncertain.  Please ask again later.


1194-04    (5iob4 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: "Kirsten R. Chevalier" <krc@erythrea.wellesley.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise, worshipped and esteemed...
>
> You've been giving some absolutely horrible advice lately, from what I
> hear. It's been rumored that you've made use of a Magic 8-Ball to come
> up with answers to the questions asked of you. Is that allegation true?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ok, you found my secret. Truth is, dear supplicant, the Oracle has
} been so incredibly busy these days with shopping for the priests (not
} to mention Lisa, but let's not go there!) that he has had sparse few
} minutes in which to ponder, reflect, and meditate upon the wonderful
} questions that pour into the queue each day (light on the cream,
} heavy on the sarcasm).
}
} If the supplicants would find some halfway interesting questions which
} to intrigue the great mind of the Oracle instead of the meaningless
} drivel that has been flying like the proverbial stuff heading toward
} the direction of the spinning blades, maybe, just MAYBE I could resort
} to providing answers that don't have to come from a child's toy.
} In the meantime, however, most questions I have been receiving as of
} late can be answered, at least in part, by the following list:
}
} This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any
} resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely
} coincidental but damn funny. Void where prohibited. Some assembly
} required. List each check separately by bank number. Don't touch.
} Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment.
} Like potato chips do. Use only as directed.  That means whip
} cream cans too. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not
} read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage
} will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an
} offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area.  Unless
} you enjoy that kind of thing. May be too intense for some
} viewers. Do not stamp, stomp, kick or shake.  Use other side for
} additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb.
} If condition persists, consult your physician.  Or just ignore
} the pain, like the Rock on WWF.  No user-serviceable parts
} inside.  Freshest if eaten before date on carton.  Don't think
} you can smell test your way out of this. Subject to change
} without notice. Times approximate.  Like airports.  Simulated
} picture.  Simulated reality.  Simulated election.   No postage
} necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal
} constitutes acceptance of agreement.  Oops, you've done it now.
} For off-road use only, but feel free to cut me off on the way to
} the Stop-N-Go.  As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases
} look alike.  Spend as much time in the aisle as possible.
} Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors
} may, in time, fade.  Like love.  (sigh) We have sent the forms
} which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use
} only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross or Bon Jovi.
} Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process
} promptly. Chill dude, chill. Post office will not deliver without
} postage. They're like that.  List was current at time of
} printing, but now you're hosed.  Not responsible for direct,
} indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any
} defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations
} only.  Like the ones in Kentucky.  Not the Beatles. Penalty for
} private use. Do not write below this line. Don't you listen to
} anything?  Now go do your chores boy.  Falling rock. Lost ticket
} pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add
} toner. Hug a tree.  Place stamp here. Nope, you missed.  Avoid
} contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection.  Slightly
} higher west of the Mississippi.  Employees and their families are
} not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on
} some questions before the show.  Get it?  It's fixed.  Limited
} time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be
} present to win. So stand there for the rest of the day.  No
} passes accepted for this engagement.  What a great Christmas gift
} movie passes were huh?  No purchase necessary. Use only in well-
} ventilated area, unless you like being stupid. Keep away
} from fire or flame.  No anchovies unless otherwise specified.
} Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash, only
} chickens for barter.


1194-05    (ahq72 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: MVSOPEN@aol.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Comdex, bloody Comdex...

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear supplicant, you have stumbled on one of the basic principles of
} human existence, namely, that all human life centres on two
} events--Christmas and Comdex.
}
} You may ask (and I'm sure you did) "why Christmas and Comdex?"  The
} answer to this is simple indeed.  You see, Comdex is simply a
} reincarnation of Christmas for the techno-junkies.  Decades ago, as the
} personal computer began to take a foothold on the world, many people
} began to lose control of their lives.  Now, I'm not saying that the PC
} caused people to lose control of their lives, but the two events did
} happen at the same time.  But I digress...
}
} As the techno-junkies spent their lives working on inadequate solutions
} to inadequate problems, they would spend many days on end hiding in
} their offices writing code with the hope of saving one lousy little
} pico-second of computing time (no one actually considered that plugging
} the machine in would make it run *considerably* faster).  Things got so
} bad that they neglected their families and lost sight of the Christmas
} spirit entirely.
}
} That was why I have given mankind Comdex.  It represents a second
} Christmas for all the techno-junkies.  They all gather together and
} exchange gifts of information, renew friendships, and continue the old
} family feuds.
}
} For Christmas, you owe the Oracle an airline ticket to the next Comdex.


1194-06    (6bjl5 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Julianna Avedon" <SOteric2@msn.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How does a ventriloquist throw his voice?  Underhand or overhand?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} <blink>
}
} "Another supplicant thinks he's being funny, eh? We'll soon see
} about that... Zadoc! YO, ZADOC!! GET IN HERE!!"
}
} [Zadoc the Priest enters in one quick hurry, his knees a blur as
} they propel him across the highly-polished hardwood floor. Somehow,
} he manages to maintain traction. Perhaps it's the fact that his
} priestly robes are nearly invisible beneath the colorful coating of
} smooth and dimpled paper chips from old computer punchcards, Florida
} election ballots, and Teletype paper-tape punches].
}
} ZADOC: "You projected voluminously, O Founder of the Very Idea for
} the Temple of the Screaming Electron?"
}
} ORACLE: "Hmmm... not bad. Though I'm surprised you'd even mention those
} blasphemous hacks in the Oracular Temple... what's with the robes?"
}
} ZADOC: [His eyes averted, explains with a tremble in his voice] "O
} Wondrous and Mostly Benign, but sometimes forgetful, Prognosticator
} of Protonic Particulate Pathways, it was your ruling that the all
} the priests go clothed while on duty..."
}
} [The Oracle's eyeballs roll skyward] "No, offspring of a third-class
} blivet! I meant that ridiculous coating of paper punch-outs!!"
}
} ZADOC: "OH! A thousand apologies, Master! I returned from a Holy
} Retreat in the now-equally Holy City of Chad just last week..."
}
} ORACLE [wincing]: "I'm sorry I asked..."
}
} ZADOC: [waxing enthusiastic] "...and they had all these leftovers
} from the New Year's celebration..."
}
} ORACLE: "ENOUGH, worm! Take a look at this question..."
}
} ZADOC: [Looks at the screen, being careful not to gaze at the
} Oracle, even in the reflection off the glass of the CRT. The somewhat
} contradictory effort produces a facial tic that, if hitched to a blade,
} would make a dandy drive for an electric shaver. After reading the
} question, he backs away almost as fast as he came in, crossing himself
} and muttering benedictions in Swahili].
}
} ORACLE: "Oh, chill out! Just tell me what this one did wrong."
}
} ZADOC: "Master! That... that... collection of synthetic crocodile snot,
} daring to call itself a supplicant... he STOLE YOUR PUNCHLINE!!"
}
} ORACLE: "And...?"
}
} ZADOC: [His adam's apple bobs, and a feverish gleam comes into
} his eyes].  "Master... no grovel!"
}
} ORACLE: "Right on both counts! And he wants to know how a ventriloquist
} throws his voice? Well, I think we can arrange that!"
}
} [Zadoc, his eyes widening in anticipation of what's coming, gets
} clear of the Big Green Circle with Target Crosshairs engraved on the
} floor, his knees miraculously propelling him backwards this time.
} As for the Oracle, he grabs a large tennis racket in one hand,
} and the Staff of ZOT! in the other, raises them both high overhead,
} lifts his head skyward, and bellows...]
}
} "BY THE POWER OF THE ALMIGHTY DONUT SEED... I COMMAND YOU TO APPEAR!!"
}
} [One brilliant flash of green light, and a big cloud of even greener
} smoke later, you find yourself standing dead center in the middle
} of that target circle, dressed in nothing but your bathrobe and
} Bill-the-Cat undershorts.  You aren't alone either. Besides the Oracle
} and Zadoc's cowering form, Paul Winchell appears, neatly dressed in
} tux and tails.]
}
} PW: [blinks] "How did I...?" [looks around] "Oh! Hi, Orrie!"
}
} ORACLE: "Hi, Paul. Just come from a show?"
}
} PW: "Yes indeed. Brought the house down. Fortunately, most of the
} audience got out unscathed. I kept warning Madison Square management
} about those roof supports, but no, they wouldn't listen..."
}
} ORACLE: "Yes, I'm sure it was very frustrating. Paul, I'm sorry to
} rush, but do you remember that neat little trick I showed you all
} those years ago?"
}
} PW: [with a wicked gryn] "How could I have become so famous without it?
} I still can't thank you enough..."
}
} ORACLE: [waving a hand] "No problem at all. What we have here,
} though, is a supplicant ... and I use the term loosely ... who not
} only didn't grovel..."
}
} ZADOC: [growls incoherently]
}
} ORACLE: "...but also stole my punchline. You being the world's greatest
} ventriloquist, I was hoping that you could show the worthless pile
} of... what was it, Zadoc?"
}
} [The reply comes, apparently, from Zadoc's mouth, but it's another
} voice altogether] "All-natural rotting rhino intestines?"
}
} ORACLE: "Good enough. Anyway, you can see the question for yourself
} on the screen. Maestro Winchell, would you care to demonstrate exactly
} HOW you throw a voice?"
}
} [Winchell's gryn gets even wider. In three quick strides, he's in YOUR
} face, supplicant, reaching his hand towards your throat. The effects of
} the Mighty Circle of Fate keep you from moving a muscle as a diffuse
} blue glow surrounds your throat and Winchell's hand. In the midst of
} this glow, a bright yellow blob detaches itself from your throat with
} a sensation like someone just extracted a cork from your adam's apple.]
}
} PW: [The yellow blob expands as Winchell backs away, cackling happily,
} until it's about the size of a volleyball.] "Ready, Orrie!"
}
} ORACLE: [Throwing off his robes to reveal a body that would make Kevin
} Sorbo jealous, clad in a tight pair of Royal blue Speedos].  "Right!
} Game starts in five minutes on the beach!"
}
} ZADOC: [Still groveling in the corner] "Master, I beg of you!  Let the
} priesthood play? We've been sooooo very devout of late..."
}
} PW: [Who, somehow, has managed to change into beachwear himself][Cups
} the glowing yellow blob in one hand, and looks at the Oracle for
} approval. Upon receiving a nod, he yells] "SERVICE!" [and whops it,
} volleyball style, towards Zadoc].
}
} ZADOC: [Yelps with joy as his knees go into a Road-Runner-like blur
} of motion, complete with Warner Bros. sound effects. He zips under
} the glob and double-hand whops it towards the door where the rest of
} the priesthood is already gathering].
}
} [As they all head outside, a startled voice -- yours, supplicant --
} can be heard issuing from the glob as it gets whopped, spiked, and
} otherwise flung overhand, underhand, sidewise-hand, and any other
} hand you can think of].
}
} "Hey, what do you think you're... OW! Hey, come on, it was just
} a YOWP!"
}
} [...as your body gets released from the grep of the Oracular Circle of
} Fate, and you pursue the missing part of yourself outside, you have
} to wonder if you can insinuate yourself into the game long enough to
} get your voice back...]
}
} You owe the Oracle a set of earplugs.


1194-07    (17it7 dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce M. Wilson" <awilson@uplink.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> So Oracle,
>
> How 'bout you and I head out for a beer or two tonight?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, let me see. Hmmm...
}
} > What are you doing?
}
} Using my powers of omniscience to see what will happen if I take you
} up on your offer. Ah, here we are. I see us having a couple of beers,
} playing some darts, eating some pickled onions, then a couple more
} beers. Then we make some jokes at the expense of the rednecks in the
} booth next to ours, which at the time seem hilariously funny to us, but
} are not appreciated by the target audience. In the ensuing brawl, one
} of them breaks a bottle over your head before we're thrown out. We
} visit A&E to have some stitches put in your scalp, then off to another
} bar for a few more beers. You tell me I'm your besht friend and I
} agree. To prevent things from getting maudlin, we make lewd suggestions
} to the barmaid and get thrown out. We then go to a curry house and yell
} "Hit us with a hot one, Gupta!" at the waiter, who doesn't appreciate
} the joke. In the ensuing brawl, you throw up over the waiter and he
} breaks a plate of chicken tikka massala with a side order of onion
} bhajees over your head before we're thrown out. After another visit to
} A&E and a few more beers, we pick up a couple of tarts. Unfortunately,
} the beers have taken their toll by now and, since neither of us can
} rise to the occasion, we demand our money back. In the ensuing brawl, I
} throw up over one of the tarts and the other inserts a stiletto heel
} into your left nostril. Another visit to A&E. The junior doctor
} treating you makes some crack about offering us air miles, which
} doesn't strike us as at all funny. In the ensuing brawl, we lay out
} said junior doctor, three nurses and two hospital porters before the
} police arrive. We spend the remainder of the night in a cell, yelling
} "What does a fella have to do to get a drink around here?" at the
} custody sergeant, who doesn't appreciate the joke.
}
} > Sounds like the recipe for a perfect evening. What're we waiting for?
}
} I'll fetch my coat.


1194-08    (2jqc3 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Dave Hemming <surfbaud@waverider.co.uk>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, you big loser ...
>
> How can Santa Claus deliver presents to millions of children in one
> night?
>
> Even given 36 hours (accounting for different time zones), that would
> only give 129600 seconds!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Wow! I'm rarely surprised by a supplicant, but you sure surprised me!
} How did you know that I'm the head of the Laser, Orbital division of
} the Society of Engineering with a Reason? It's supposed to be a secret!
}
} Anyway, to your question... First, only people that believe in Santa
} get stuff from Santa. If you think about it, that's not really very
} many people. Second, Santa is one of the biggest customers of the SER.
} His 'bad' list is given to the LOSER division, who then blast the sugar
} plums out of the brains of the bad people. Since the set off people who
} 1) believe in Santa, 2) are bad, and 3) dream of sugar plums is really
} small, that task generally takes just a few minutes.
}
} He is also a customer of the Presents, Orbiting division of the SER.
} They have low flying satellites that have a gift synthesis machine,
} gift wrapping machine, parachute fitting machine, and chimney targeting
} computer. All Santa has to do is give us the names of the 'good'
} people. We then find their current coordinates, and target the next
} passing POSER satellite at their chimney.
}
} Of course, you think this is all bull. It isn't, though. The 'jingle
} bells' sound commonly attributed to Santa and his reindeer is actually
} the sound of the parachute disintegrating when the gift is at the
} proper altitude to drop it unscathed into the proper place. The
} wrapping paper, using SER AI, then guides the present's trajectory
} through the fireplace and under the tree, wherever that may be. It is
} also flameproof, of course.
}
} You may also be wondering what we charge Santa for all these time
} saving inventions. It obviously wouldn't be in the spirit of Christmas
} to charge Santa for anything, so we do it all for free.
}
} Of course, the SER controls the consumer market, so parents trying to
} be like Santa make us much more than Santa ever could. But it's the
} thought that counts, right?
}
} You owe the Oracle some outrageous credit card bills. Tis the season
} for commercialism, isn't it?


1194-09    (3dog6 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: MVSOPEN@aol.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's this WAP-thing people keeps talking about?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} An unusual thing happened to me today.
}
} I sat down at my desk this morning, like I do most mornings, and
} started flipping through the list of questions from supplicants.
} Rather dull list.  Things like "what is the meaning of life", and
} "what would happen if an irresistable force encountered an immovable
} object", and "what kind of cheese goes best with goat's blood".  The
} usual questions.  I'd answered them hundreds of times before, in
} thousands of different forms.  But then, as I scanned the papers, one
} question in particular caught my eye.  I drew it out of the stack and
} pondered it for a moment.
}
} "What's this WAP-thing people keeps talking about?"
}
} I couldn't figure out at first what was different about this question.
} It looked just like any other question.  Yet my mind kept insisting
} that there was something unusual here -- something so simple, yet so
} staggering, that even I, the great Internet Oracle, couldn't
} manage to grasp it.  Then, it hit me.
}
} This question had no grovel.
}
} I sat back, astounded.  The idea that a supplicant -- a mere mortal --
} a measly HUMAN -- had dared to question the great Oracle without even
} the merest hint of a grovel was difficult to imagine.  (And I can
} imagine an awful lot.  For example, there was that time in Vegas when
} I imagined I won 37 consecutive hands of blackjack and met up with
} these two gorgeous girls that I ended up taking back to my room where
} we somehow obtained an accordian and a few radishes and started to --
} wait, best not to go into that right now.)  Anyway, I had to do
} something about that question.
}
} I have a system that I use when answering questions.  Basically, the
} more the questioner grovels, the better the answer.  Several pages of
} grovelling will get you deep cosmic truth -- the kinds of insight that
} can shake the world and make people bow down and worship you.  A few
} paragraphs will get you more wisdom than you're likely to hear in an
} average lifetime.  A sentence or three of grovelling will get a pretty
} good, if somewhat uninspired, answer.  Just a few words, and I might
} start throwing in some misinformation.  But ask a question with NO
} GROVEL WHATSOEVER, and I'll have no choice but to answer with outright
} lies -- and that's if I don't decide to vaporize you for your
} insolence.  This question is clearly the last type, so here goes.
}
} WAP is an evil conspiracy originally conceived by eyedrop
} manufacturers.  Back in the 70's and 80's, computer monitors were
} clunky, monochrome, low-res monstrosities.  You had green-on-black
} text, and that was it.  Very hard on the eyes.  This resulted in an
} increase in the demand for eyedrops.  But then, monitors started
} improving.  One color gave way to four, then sixteen, then 256.  The
} old 80x25 terminals were replaced by 640x480 color displays.
} Eyestrain started dropping.  But it was still high enough that the
} eyedrop companies weren't worried.  But in the 90's, things started to
} get really bad.  Monitors became capable of millions of colors at
} photo-quality resolutions.  For the first time, people could use
} computers without straining their eyes.  Eyedrop sales plummetted, and
} eyedrop manufacturers started fearing for their very survival.
} Something had to be done.
}
} One day, a young eyedrop executive was pondering the problem when an
} idea occurred to him.  Sales had been great back when monitors were
} low-res monochrome displays.  What if people could be persuaded to go
} back to using such displays to surf the web?  He knew there was no way
} the monitor manufacturers could be persuaded to turn back the clock.
} Something else was needed.  Gazing across his desk, his eyes fell on
} the cell phone lying there, its small display facing the ceiling.  Of
} course!  A phone's display is small, monochrome,
} low-resolution... perfect!  The executive proposed his idea to the
} board of directors, who proceeded to laugh him out of the company.
} After all, no one could be crazy enough to use a *phone* to browse the
} Internet!  But as sales continued to dwindle, the idea started to seem
} less and less crazy.  People do a lot of stupid things, after all.
} Maybe, with a lot of persuasion, they could be convinced that
} Internet-enabled phones were a good idea after all...
}
} The eyedrop executives arranged a secret meeting with several major
} mobile phone manufacturers.  They pitched their web-enabled phone
} idea, and were of course laughed out of the building.  But they kept
} trying, and eventually one of the mobile phone executives was able to
} stop laughing long enough to agree to try out the idea.  To his
} surprise, it turned out to be wildly popular.  The mobile phone
} companies, always on the lookout for new ways to make a buck, started
} hyping Internet-enabled phones like there was no tomorrow.  But in
} order for sales to be really effective, they needed more than a
} ridiculous product.  They needed a ridiculous acronym to go with it.
} The engineers who worked on the Internet-enabled phone referred to it
} as a "worthless, asinine parody" of a real computer, so in a fit of
} inspiration, the sales force seized that phrase and started referring
} to "WAP" right and left.  The new acronym worked.  Phone sales
} skyrocketed, and the tiny screens drove the demand for eyedrops
} through the roof.  Thus, one executive's worthless idea turned out to
} be the savior of the entire eyedrop industry.
}
} You owe the Oracle a Web-enabled toaster, and another bottle of
} Visine.  (And a better grovel for next time.)


1194-10    (45glg dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Eh?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Great, now even the Canadians are asking null questions.


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