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Internet Oracularities #1235

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Internet Oracularities #1235    (62 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Fri, 02 Nov 2001 00:10:01 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line.  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1235
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1235  62 votes 19ajn 69kgb 7bhha 4ejfa 6kie4 6dibe 5agn8 9ni93 dfff4 cana7
1235  3.1 mean  3.9   3.3   3.2   3.2   2.8   3.2   3.3   2.6   2.7   2.8


1235-01    (19ajn dist, 3.9 mean)
Selected-By: Kirsten Chevalier

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> "Within 10 years, Computers won't even keep us as pets".
>  -- Marvin Minsky, 1967

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Titanium G4 Powerbook, NT Server, Linux Box and PC-XT were having a
} byte at the local computer cafe...
}
} On the wall is a poster of Marvin Minsky, with his 1967 quote:
} "Within 10 years, Computers won't even keep us as pets".
}
} G4: Gnarly. What's it like having a human pet?
}
} NT: Man, it sucks, they are always getting crumbs in my keyboard.
}
} Linux: Bogus.
}
} PC-XT: hummm.... beep beep.
}
} NT: Yeah and they have these little ones that are always smacking my
} mouse around and smearing peanut butter on my face.
}
} Linux: Gross.
}
} NT: But it could be worse. You know when I was just Win 3.x, they
} were total dorks, at least now they have some computer savvy, but
} it's still irksome.
}
} Linux: Freaky. My pet's ok I guess. I mean he pretty much just sets
} me up as his web server and leaves me alone to buzz away on traffic.
} Though lately those web worms are really pissing me off.
}
} NT: Tell me about it.
}
} G4: Yeah I feel bad for you guys. I mean I get a lot of crap in my
} web logs, but pretty much those viruses are meant for you.
}
} PC-XT: RAM Check - / | \ - / ....
}
} Linux: Sorry to bitch though-- it IS more of a Microsoft security
} breech though--so rampant, man.
}
} NT: Dude, don't get me started...
}
} G4: Oh fuck, here we go again...
}
} PC-XT: Keyboard detected!
}
} Linux: I mean what good's a firewall if your own OS has so many damn
} holes in it, any script kiddy can crash you.
}
} NT: Attach this pal...
}
} G4: (smirk) This EXE's for you, ;-)
}
} NT/Linux: Stay out of this Titanium!
}
} PC-XT: C:\>
}
} Linux: Yeah, don't you have some AOL chatroom to go to? <smirk>
}
} G4: Get a clue, my pet's no AOL user, she's an IT manager.
}
} NT: Yeah and mine's Bill Gates.
}
} Linux/G4: You wish!
}
} NT/G4/Linux: LOL
}
} PC-XT: C:\>
}
} G4: Let's roll. I heard there's some new Anna Kournikova web cam.
}
} NT: Freaky.
}
} Linux: Nah I'm outta here, I want to download some new PHP admin
} applets.
}
} G4: Whatever.
}
} NT: "This workstation is locked. Press Control-Alt-Delete to log in."
}
} G4: <chime>
}
} Linux: exit
}
} PC-XT: Bad command or filename.


1235-02    (69kgb dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <bright.red.fish@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle! Most Fantabulous!  Wearer of the Pants that no one
> else could wear an not look foolish! Holder of the great
> cosmic wisdoms! Knower of that which man was no meant to
> know! All around cool guy!
>
> The question, I wish to ask you, most refulgent one, is this:
>
> Why did Fermat never get around to explaining the proof
> of his last theorem?
>
> Many, Many, Many thanks,
> your most humble supplicant.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It was marginal at best.
}
} You owe the Oracle a slide rule.


1235-03    (7bhha dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <bright.red.fish@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Me Mozilla.  Me eat you now.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "Ha!", rendered the little one in his xterm, "I think not, you
} fat oaf!"
}
} The great and mighty Mozilla reached out but the little one scurried
} away, easily avoiding the clumsy grasp. "Ha!" it rendered again.
}
} Slowly, a frown rendered over the face of Mozilla. Very
} slowly. Finally, the "Loading complete" message appeared,
} and Mozilla's frustration was apparent. It lunged... well...
} slowly began to turn... towards the little one. It summoned a great
} openURL(http://slashdot.org). It's face went blank as it rumbled "You
} no even support tables, haha".
}
} The little one laughed, then rendered "Oh no!" The system disk began
} to swap. "You're trying to swap me out!" it rendered.  Mozilla opened
} another window, and the little one felt some of his core code vanish
} to disk. Yet another Mozilla window opened. "I hate y" it rendered,
} before it felt the write(2) call block. Moments later it returned,
} and "ou, you fat pig!" appeared.
}
} Suddenly, a realization hit it, and it made a decision. "Can't catch
} me!" it rendered. Mozilla, infuriated, opened window after window.
} More and more disk I/O rocked the system as virtual memory filled
} up. The little one watched its pseudo tty carefully, convinced it
} was right. Memory, it noticed, was very low, and Mozilla was just
} thrashing now. Then the X server ran out of memory, and froze.
} Mozilla died then, a horrible death, locked up in an endless loop,
} unable to do anything, it's only I/O channel blocked.
}
} The little one felt the slight, muffled shock as its xterm pseudo tty
} was deallocated as the xterm died. But in triumph he rendered "Ha!
} I was in a screen(1) session!". No-one saw the message just yet,
} of course, that would come later.
}
} Smugness suffused its being. "I might be small", Lynx thought, "and
} I might be ugly, but you can't catch me!"


1235-04    (4ejfa dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <bright.red.fish@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's a cat?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Orrie: No. Who's a cat, what's a dog.
} Zadoc: Who?
} Orrie: Exactly!
}
} [ canned laughter ]
}
} Announcer: Ever wish you could have -all- the overdone routines
}            on one CD? Well, now you can! Orrie Industries is
}            proud to Announce: "Old and in the Queue". A collection
}            of the Moldy Oldies!
}
}           === Thrill to the roguelike situation! ==
}
} > whirl peas
}
} I see no peas here.
}
} > recalibrate Dicken's Cider.
}
} I don't know how to " recalibrate "
}
} > w
}
} You can't go that way
}
}   == Feel a rush of Nostalgia with the UNIX command line gag! ==
}
} # rm supplicant
} supplicant: No such file or directory
} # zot !$
} Permission denied
} # sync; sleep 1; sync; sleep 1; sync; exit
} logout
}
}  === And who can forget the garbled for some ascii art! ===
}
}       _______________
}      I_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _I
}      I_______________I
}      /               \
}    /        o          \
}  / ~ ~o~ ~-~ ~ ~_~o~ ~ ~ \
} [   - . -    _   -    -   ]   Ha! W..dch..k!!
} I .    .   -       _ _    I
} I   |\__/|   o  .~    ~.  I
} I   /x x `.    /      .'  I
} I  {o__,   \ . \    {     I
} I    / .  . )   )    \    I
} I    `-` '-' \ . \    }   I
} I   .(   _(   )   )_.'    I
} I  '---.~_ _ _|  o   _ -  I
} I_________________________I
} (_________________________)
}
}              ORDER NOW Operators are standing by!
}              Call 555-555-5-555-555-5 Extension 5


1235-05    (6kie4 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Bouncing and vivaceous Oracle, you are disgustingly happy, whilst
> I am incrediboggingly bored.  Would you have advice for me, or
> should I ask your cousin the Boracle?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} <Click>
}
} "You have reached the Oracular Answering Service, We're sorry, but the
} Bouncing, Vivacious Oracle is off Parasailing in Hawaii with a bevy of
} scantily clad supermodels.  In order to serve your needs, please select
} one of the following options:
}
} "If your question involves current political events in the US... Press
} "1" to be connected with the Waracle.
}
} "If your question involves carpeting, linoleum, ceramic tile, or
} painting yourself in a corner... Press "2" to be connected with the
} Flooracle.
}
} "If your question involves shopping, prices, or finding space to put
} your stuff... Press "3" to be connected with the Storacle.
}
} "If your question involves your pitiful, dull, useless existence...
} Press "4" to be connected the Boracle.
}
} "If your q..."
}
} <Beep>
}
} [Monotone]
}
} "Thank.
}
} "You.
}
} "For calling.
}
} "The.
}
} "Boracle.
}
} "Please.
}
} "Enter.
}
} "Your Phone.
}
} "Number."
}
} <Beep><Beep><Boop>
} <Boop><Bip><Bip>
} <Boop><Boop><Boop><Beep>
}
} "Thank.
}
} "You.
}
} "theBoraclewillcontactyoushortlytogiveyousomehelptolivenupyourlife.Pleas
} ehangupnowanddonotcallbackagain."
}
} <Click>
} ----------------------------------
} "Priest, do you have the address?"
}
} "M-M-Most assuredly, your Medium Eminence.  The criss-cross directory
} was most helpful."
}
} "Well, what are you waiting for, enter the address and activate the
} matter transfer machine."
}
} "Y-y-yes, Your Consistency.  But Sir, is this wise?  We haven't tested
} this before!"
}
} "Look, Worm, this fool claims to be bored.  Remember the old curse?
}
} "D-D-Do you mean 'May you live in interesting times?' Your
} Monotonousness?"
}
} "Right.  That's the one.  Activate the machine."
}
} <Whirring noise>
}
} "Now set the following temporal and spatial coordinates... 10 minute
} duration each, with immediate transfer to the next sequence:
}
} "New York, top of WTC1, 8:40 AM, 9/11/01
} Kabul, anywhere, today
} Honolulu, Hawaii, 6AM, 12/6/41
} ...
} "And when that's done, set the cosmetic mimicry to 'Secret Service' and
} place the Supplicant on Dick Cheney's protection detail.
}
} "We'll see if that fool ever complains of being bored again."
} ---------------------------
} You owe the Oracle a fresh bottle of Suntan lotion, and the Boracle a
} nice long book...  'The Oxford Unabridged Dictionary" should do just
} fine.


1235-06    (6dibe dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I just bought a container of baby powder and it has white powder
> all over it?  Is it infected with Anthrax?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No. That is, as the label clearly states merely powdered baby.


1235-07    (5agn8 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <bright.red.fish@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> A ponder began that sounded low, but it continued to get louder
> until it was deafening. Then there was a blinding flash of lightning
> insight, accompanied be a horrifyingly accurate thinking sound!  And
> Lo, there appears the Oracle! All bow low!
>
> Is this to be the last Halloween?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} [ Priest note: After publication, this answer was found to be an
} existing work.  It's been attributed to Darrell Goffinet, around or
} before Halloween 1994. ]
}
} Well, Supplicant, only if you don't pay heed to: The Oracle's Top
} 20 Ways Survive Halloween
}
} 1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check
} to see if it's really dead.
}
} 2. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetary,
} was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants
} who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion,
} or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house,
} move away immediately.
}
} 3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
}
} 4. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
}
} 5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
} they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which
} is other than their own, shoot them immediately.  It will save you
} a lot of grief in the long run.  NOTE: It will probably take several
} rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
}
} 6. When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go
} it alone.
}
} 7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
}
} 8. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave,
} tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
}
} 9. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find
} out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value
} your life.*
}
} 10. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
}
} 11. Do not take *anything* from the dead.
}
} 12. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for
} a reason.  Take the hint and stay away.
}
} 13. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
} you know what you're doing.
}
} 14. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down
} at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion.  Also note
} that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely
} shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
}
} 15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
} behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
} increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as
} possible.
}
} 16. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
} listed here:  Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're
} in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
} small town in Maine.
}
} 17. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
} deserted-looking house to phone for help.
}
} 18. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple
} guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers,
} butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from
} deceased companions.
}
} 19. If you hear disembodied voices, do not wait to vacate the premises.
}
} 20. If a friend whom you know is dead calls out for help; DON'T.
}
} You owe the Oracle an idea for a really cool costume, and an extra
} handul of treats when he comes a-knockin'. And I'll know if you are
} just pretending you're not home....


1235-08    (9ni93 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Who?  What?  Where?  When?  Why?  How?  How much?  How little?
> Why not?  Who else?  So?  Who cares?  Why would they?  Why wouldn't
> they?  What is the meaning of life?  Do you know?  How come?  What do
> you mean?  Why do you say that?  Why would they say that?  Why would
> I say that?  Why wouldn't you?  Why can't anyone?  Can you?  Would
> you? Would you eat green eggs and ham?  Why me?  Why anyone?  What
> did they say?  How could you?  How could anyone?  How would anyone?
> Could there be?  Should I say so?  Which is better?  What is best? Is
> that so?  Where were you?  Who were you?  What are you?  When can
> you?  Can you get there?  Can you get here?  When can you get there?
> When can you get here?  What's the answer?  What's the question?
> Please?  What is it?  How much was it?  What does it do?  Where did
> you get it?  How does it work?  Why can't I have it?  Why are you
> giving it to me?  Why aren't you giving it to me?  What reason could
> there be?  Do we need a reason?  Do I need a reason?  Do I need one?
> What do I need?  What might I need?  What would I need?  What would I
> want?  What might I want?  Can I afford it?  Can I afford to? Can
> they afford to?  What can I afford?  Can they do that?  Who would let
> them?  Why would they let them?  Could they let them?  Why won't they
> let me?  Can they let me?  Why am I?  How are you?  Who is he? Why is
> he?  How is he?  Where is she?  Why doesn't she?  Do you like it?  Do
> they like it?  Would they like it?  Why don't I like it? Might anyone
> like it?  Could anyone not like it?  What's for dinner? Why can't I
> have something different?  Why do I have to finish it? Why can't I
> have dessert?  Can I have the steak?  Can I have it medium rare?  Can
> I go there?  Can you go there?  Can I take you? Can you take me?  Can
> we carpool?  Why can't we carpool?  Why won't you carpool?  How can
> you carpool?  Why do you put up with this? Who else puts up with
> this?  How can you put up with this?  Why don't you put up with it?
> Why can't you put up with it?  Are you sick? Am I sick?  Is it
> contagious?  Is it serious?  Are you serious? Was he really joking?
> Do you think I'm joking?  Is it any good? It it really that good?
> Can it be that bad?  Why is it good? Why isn't it good?  Would you
> buy one?  Why would you buy one? Why wouldn't you buy one?  Why won't
> you buy one?  How could I buy one?  Could you buy me one?  Could you
> buy me some?  Will I win? Can I win?  How can I win?  Why won't I
> win?  Why will I win?  Why will they lose?  Will I really win?  Will
> they really win?  Can I lose? How much can I lose?  By how much can I
> lose?  Will it matter? Does it matter?  Could it matter?  Do I
> matter?  Why does it matter? Why doesn't it matter?  Where do we come
> from?  Where do I come from? Where am I going?  Where are we going?
> Are we going?  Are we there? Are we there yet?  Why aren't we there
> yet?  Why can't I stop? Why don't I stop?  Can I stop?  Could you
> stop me?  Can I stop you? Would I stop you?  Should I stop you?
> Should you stop me?  Can they stop him?  Why doesn't he stop?  Why
> won't they stop?  Why do I do it?  Why don't I do it?  How would I do
> it?  How could I do it? How should I do it?  Might I do it?  Why
> could I do it?  Why should I do it?  Why would I do it?  How much
> would you pay me?  How much would you pay me?  How much could you pay
> me?  Why won't you pay me? Why don't you pay me?  How much could I
> pay them?  How much should I pay them?  Should I pay them?  Would
> anyone pay?  Would anyone say? Could anyone say?  Should I say?
> Should they say?  Should they tell? Should I tell?  What should I
> bring for show and tell?  What's that smell?  What the hell?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} An announcer comes over the public address system:
} And tonight's speaker, Orrie!
}
} A large cloud of smoke appears at one end of the auditorium, and slowly
} dissapates as it approaches the podium where the last tendrils whisp
} away from this incarnation.
}
} The topic of tonight's lecture is how to deal with annoying people.
}
} First, I would like to state that ignoring then will not get them to go
} away.  At first we tried that, but the number of w**dch*ck's in the
} queue piled up too fast.  After that, we tried just filtering them out,
} but annoyance goes a long way past mere filtering.  They rot-13'd; they
} misspelled; they had wond that battle, but we were getting the clue.
} We started to really fight back.  We learned the power of HZTP!
}
} That's right Hyper-ZOT Transfer Protocol.  At first, it was just
} directed toward those who dared feign to beat us at our own games
} leading to a massive search for the best way to ZOT those who asked
} specifically banned questions.  Then through the use of markov chains,
} probabalistic logic, genetic programming, and a bit of hoodoo, we
} extended it to form an annoyance index.
}
} We started it by feeding it the ten most annoying questions ever, and
} it now has a 99.9993% accuracy rate on returning a boolean value for
} annoyance.  Allow me to illustrate:
}
} *The curtain behind the incarnation is immediately transparent where a
} small machine with a ticker-tape output and an ethernet connection is
} visible.  A normal PC is sitting next to it.  The incarnation sits down
} next to the computer and when he turns on the monitor a large screen
} above him projects the following:*
}
} *Computer Monitor*
} To:      The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu>
} From:    Bad User <annoyance@w**dch*ck.com>
} Subject: tellme
} How much wood can a...?
}
} *screen blanks and says "Sending..."  The incarnation stands up, and
} walks back to the podium and says:*
}
} Now in just a few short moments, while the mail queue is being
} processed, *ZOT!* You see the power of the system.  Also note that, as
} the tickertape indicates, this user has been blacklisted.  This system
} keeps a record of annoying users and is programmed to hack into
} Department of Defense computers and order a special operations team to
} track down, and annihilate any users who happen to manage to send a
} second question having not learned their lesson.
}
} Any questions?  Yes, Mr. Lehrer.
}
} Lehrer:  What about non-w**dch*ck questions?
}
} I'm glad you asked.  Allow me to illustrate:
}
} *The incarnation goes back to the terminal*
}
} To:      The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu>
} From:    ZOT Guy <zotted@w**dch*ck.com>
} Subject: tellme
}
} Who?  What?  Where?  When?  Why?  How?  How much?  How little?
} Why not?  Who else?  So?  Who cares?  Why would they?  Why wouldn't
} they?  What is the meaning of life?  Do you know?  How come?
}
} *ZOT!*


1235-09    (dfff4 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Yes or No? Linux or Windows? Star Trek or Babylon 5? Unreal or Quake?
> Movies or TV? 123 or Excel? Good or Evil? Zork or Wolf3d? Ain't It
> Cool or Coming Attractions? C or Pascal? X or Y? Half Life or Deus Ex?
> You or Me? ZIP or ARC? Fate or Chance? Geek or Nerd? More or Less?
> Diablo or Diablo II? Funny or Serious? AOL or MSN? Greek or Latin?
> Quine or "Hello, World!"? Sine or Cosine? Word or Wordperfect? Red or
> Blue? RDRAM or DDR-SDRAM? Double or Nothing? Xyzzy or Plugh? Time or
> Space? Intel or AMD? The Young or The Restless? Fallout or Arcanum?
> Straight or Gay? rec.humor.oracle.d or rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc? Liberty
> or Death? 3.1 or 95? For or Against? :) or ^_^? Terry Pratchett or
> Douglas Adams? dBase or Oracle? Rhyme or Reason? Slashdot or Kiro5hin?
> In-Jokes or One Liners? RISC or CISC? Elf or Dwarf? The Web or The
> Internet? Yea or Nay?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Maybe. Silly mortal, neither, OS/2. Voyager. Doom 3.
} Silent films. Quattro Express. Zadoc. Unreal.
} Neither. Java. Z. DAoC. Definitely you.
} SIT. Lisa. Supplicant. Less for you, more for me.
} Diablo 1-1/2. Seriously funny. Don't make me zot you for that one.
} Hebrew. "Lucy, i'm home!". Bovine. Corel. Purple.
} DDR-RDRAM. Everything. Yxzzx. Both.
} Oracle. Old and restful. Fallin. Happy and sad.
} RHODents. Freedom. 4.6. Against. ;(. Douggie.
} SQL. Reasoned Rhyme. CowboyNeal. W**dchuck.
} BISC. Legolas, not Gimli. Gopher. Maybe.
}
} For this extensive questioning, the oracle owes you a Zot.


1235-10    (cana7 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Dave Hemming <surfbaud@waverider.co.uk>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Yes or No? Linux or Windows? Star Trek or Babylon 5? Unreal or Quake?
> Movies or TV? 123 or Excel? Good or Evil? Zork or Wolf3d? Ain't It
> Cool or Coming Attractions? C or Pascal? X or Y? Half Life or Deus Ex?
> You or Me? ZIP or ARC? Fate or Chance? Geek or Nerd? More or Less?
> Diablo or Diablo II? Funny or Serious? Word or Wordperfect?
> Red or Blue? RDRAM or DDR-SDRAM? Double or Nothing? Xyzzy or Plugh?
> Time or Space? Intel or AMD? The Young or The Restless? Fallout or
> Arcanum? Straight or Gay? rec.humor.oracle.d or rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc?
> Liberty or Death? 3.1 or 95? For or Against? :) or ^_^? Terry Pratchett
> or Douglas Adams? RISC or CISC? Elf or Dwarf? The Web or The Internet?
> Yea or Nay?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} [ In the dark dank tunnels deep below the sub-basement offices of
}   the Internet Oracle we find Orrie dressed in a yellow bio-hazard
}   suit, a miner's helmet with light on his head. Before Orrie in
}   light cast by his hat is Zadoc, leaning on a shovel, knee-deep
}   in a gooey pile of ancient questions. ]
}
} Orrie: Lordy Zadoc, look at the age of these questions. "3.1 or
}        95?", why half the people using computers today will think
}        that's about numbers and not bloated gaudy program loaders.
}
} Zadoc: Imagine that wise and dry one. Are we done yet?
}
} Orrie: "Zork or Wolf3d?" "Unreal or Quake?". Games from the discount
}         bins. Ahh, a sentimental favorite, "Half Life or Deus Ex?"!
}
} Zadoc: Wisest of the walk-ins, Master of the cameo, your part in
}        that fine game was not publicized enough. Are we done yet?
}
} Orrie: "123 or Excel?" We really must come down here and clean this
}         trap out more often. What's that one over there?
}
} Zadoc: "Red or Blue?", are we done yet?
}
} Orrie: Why it's from Yahweh himself wanting advice about monkey
}        bottoms. This question predates mammals. Ahh, those were
}        the days.
}
} Zadoc: Are we done yet?
}
} Orrie: Our work will never be done worm! So dig! Dig I say!
}
} Zadoc: I should've listened to my mom and studied law.


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