} Well sure, gentle supplicant.
} Star Wars has several. Not only is it the classic tale blending science
} fiction and fantasy in a seamless story line, but the addition of the
} Force makes it a story of spiritual awakening that, for some strange
} reason, speaks to every person who sees it. That, and the lightsabers
} are cool. Sadly, with the recent addition of Episode One and the
} "revised" scenes to the older films, Lucas has tainted his own vision
} and ruined the story for generations to come (rather than doing the
} sensible thing and dying before he could continue his work). Thus Star
} Wars has little, if any, virtue left.
} Harry Potter also has several rather important virtues. Like Star Wars,
} it is a story of spiritual awakening that speaks to every child (and
} adult) who picks it up. The magic serves as a plot device rather than
} as a central theme -- you could just as easily make it a story about
} technological marvels, and it would work just as well. The book's
} sequels (and the eventual movie sequels) add to the story rather than
} subtract to the experience, thus ensuring Potter a place in history,
} right next to Blade Runner. Well, maybe in the next aisle over --
} anyone who reads those two stories right after another needs some
} serious help. But it is about magic, and for some odd reason that
} frightens a lot of people, who then begin babbling something about this
} "God" person I keep hearing so much about. So, to them, Harry Potter
} has about as much virtue as Star Wars, but without the lightsabers to
} make it cool.
} So now we come to Tolkien's epic, which begins quite appropriately with
} the Fellowship of the Ring (though some say it might be best to read
} the Hobbit first, the subject of which actually started the Persian
} Gulf War -- a little known fact). It's a story that has everything: a
} rich background, action, adventure, romance, and dare I say even a
} mind-blowing message behind it. The tale has shaken and changed many a
} life over the years, and is on par with many of the other great stories
} of history. Sadly, the movie's about as good as leftover limburger
} cheese that's been sitting out all week, so many people will be
} discouraged from reading what would normally be a life-changing book.
} Any virtue the Fellowship of the Ring may have had was just flushed
} down the toilet, and you can thank Hollywood for that.
} Then there's Titanic, which is a mindless story about two people you've
} never heard of and never will, mostly because they didn't really exist.
} The whole plotline takes place in a flashback, and mainly involves a
} woman, a diamond, and some sort of third-rate artist. Then, of course,
} the ship manages to crash into an iceberg, and you get to see humanity
} at its worst as the rich decide to save themselves and let the poor
} die. The only real highlight of this film is to see Leonardo Dicaprio
} freeze to death in the ocean, and then drown.
} Hehehehe. I could watch that over and over again. I've nearly worn out
} the DVD. Here, let me rewind that part again ...
} Oh, that's -hilarious-! "I'll never let go, Jack," she says, and then
} she lets go! Oh, that's classic! Drown, Leo, drown!
} Hehehehe. I'm sorry. Let me get a tissue, I'm laughing so hard ...
} ahem. Anyway, clearly Titanic is the superior film, if just for that
} scene. Its one redeeming virtue is worth it. Trust me.
} Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. God, I love it!
} You owe the Oracle the movie Titanic on DVD. Make that two of them. I
} think my DVD just snapped, and it's best to keep a spare.