} Actually, God recently privatised the planning department. A few minor
} deities remarked to him on the great potential for diversity and that
} it might be an idea to franchise out the areas of planning and
} development and bring some new blood into the almighty organisation.
} Apparently God's been observing the recent restructuring operation in
} the rapidly expanding HellCorp(tm) with some scrutiny, and is keen to
} ensure he remains abreast of their close competitors at all times.
} Planning and development is currently outsourced to Omnipotence plc, a
} multi-deity consortium currently under the administrative control of a
} panel of experienced business-oriented individuals. And, supplicant,
} it's your lucky day, because it just so happens that yours truly is on
} that panel.
} We're undergoing a huge change in the way we operate. Subject to the
} approval of the investors, we will be making significant changes in the
} way in which the method of planning is executed. It's a very exciting
} time for all concerned, and you, supplicant, will be pleased to hear
} that you are as centrally involved this new operation as everyone else
} The old methods of planning were cumbersome and inefficient, and
} required a lot of funding and staffing in order to operate. An
} individual, bespoke plan had to be produced for each new individual
} upon his or her inception. Since there's at least one baby born every
} minute, or thereabouts, this means that to provide a workable plan for
} that individual (which, to be fair, takes even a minor deity about half
} an hour, mainly due to bureaucratic necessities involved in filing the
} final plan) needs a staff of at least 500 working continuously. In your
} case alone, I can tell you the plan as it stands for you at the moment
} spans four pages, and it reads about as plainly as War and Peace. It
} turns out we had a trainee deity working on yours at the time of your
} birth, and you were born late in his shift and he wasn't really that
} What we're going to do in a dramatic change to the system (and we have
} a crack team of the best management deities at work as we speak on
} this) is instead of producing many billions of bespoke plans
} continuously, is to produce a set of 3 general plans as follows:-
} PLAN ONE: Significantly change the world. Improve the areas of
} scientific study or bring a new sense of order to an otherwise
} disorderly area. Die as a hero at an appropriate time.
} PLAN TWO: Don't change the world in any specific sense, but meet the
} girl/boy of your dreams and find true happiness, and allow the plan one
} designates to get on with it.
} Unfortunately, I'm not at this time permitted to reveal the details of
} plan three. It's extremely complicated and involves complex uses of
} business ethics and monopolisation, and really couldn't be justifiably
} discussed with a member of the plan deployment population such as
} yourself. The only consolation I can offer is that you are *definitely*
} not earmarked for plan one or three.
} Yes, that's right, you can sit back in your job, relax and forget about
} researching that new political theory you were contemplating the other
} day. It's not necessary, and you won't discover much anyway. You should
} get out more and try and encourage plan two to kick in. Once you get it
} rolling, you won't be wasting time worrying about the plan at all,
} you'll be able to forget about it and let it work for you, as we here
} at Omnipotence plc intended. We've designed these three plans to cover
} the entire population, and significantly reduce the workload on the
} existing staff in planning and development, meaning they can work more
} on development. And there are some exciting things going on there,
} trust me. They're working on sequels to most of the major religious
} works. I hear they're going to try and go for trilogies, taking
} inspiration from Tolkien. I can't see it working myself, but they
} assure me it's a marketable idea.
} You owe the Oracle a break. And give God one, too. Sometimes it's just
} best to let us get on with it without interrupting all the time.