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Internet Oracularities #1258

Goto:
1258, 1258-01, 1258-02, 1258-03, 1258-04, 1258-05, 1258-06, 1258-07, 1258-08, 1258-09, 1258-10


Internet Oracularities #1258    (56 votes, 2.7 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Mon, 15 Apr 2002 12:27:14 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1258
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1258  56 votes dki23 aig66 6se80 bggc1 ide92 ioa40 4cle5 5dfbc 3elc6 74hj9
1258  2.7 mean  2.3   2.6   2.4   2.6   2.4   2.0   3.1   3.2   3.1   3.3


1258-01    (dki23 dist, 2.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle most discerning,
>
> How can I tell a fake idea from a real one?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Check the bottom for 'Real Idea' mark. If it there it's real.


1258-02    (aig66 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: Ken McGlothlen <mcglk@artlogix.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How much wo<BONK!>
>
> Oww!  What the hell was that?
>
> ood would a<BONK!> <SLAP!>
>
> Hey!  What the hell????
>
> woodch<Zot!>
> ...?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} My work here is done.


1258-03    (6se80 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: MVSOPEN@aol.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oraculo, chi fa tutto nella cucina (even chopping
> the tomatoes), tell me...
>
> Somebody told me to go take a hot bath, so naturally I
> lathered up with butter, olive oil, and anchovies.
> Curiously, my girlfriend gave me a tongue bath and
> then kicked me out of bed and told me to take a
> shower, telling me I've been cooking way too much
> Italian food lately. I considered it and figured she
> was right, and went and took a shower like she said.
>
> My question is, if getting a hot bath and a bagna
> cauda confused happens when you're making Italian,
> what happens when you get a little too far into other cuisines?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} WHAT TO TAKE WITH YOU INTO A HOT BATH
}    as influenced by world cuisines
}
} Chinese:   I don't know, but *not* a yellow river
} French:    escargot, live
} Greek:     a Trojan
} Indian:    anything that will curry her favor <groan/>
} Jewish:    matza balls
} Welsh:     a leek


1258-04    (bggc1 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> /me ponders if he's spending entirely too much time on IRC.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} /invite suplicant #life
}
} /kick #oracle suplicant
}
} /quit I think I'll take my own advice for a change.


1258-05    (ide92 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  >_< :| >_> <_<

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I really love watching Lord of the Rings 3 on video before it has
} even been cut.  Being an all-knowing Oracle sure has its perks.
}
} Now, press rewind, and I'll just watch it again.


1258-06    (ioa40 dist, 2.0 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Grand and tumultuous Oracle, I lower my fingernails in deference
> to your Mighty Nose, which would put Cyrano to shame.  You sure
> know how to pick 'em!
>
> Who Nose What Evil?  Lurks in the hearts?  Of men?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Shadow Nose, or rather the Shadow breaks noses.
}
} [snip!]
} In deciding the somewhat complicated case--Zanger sued Baldwin for
} assault, the actor countersued for invasion of privacy--the jury
} decided that Zanger was 25 percent responsible for the incident. Thus,
} his $6,000 award was reduced to $4,500--a lot less than the
} $200,000-plus he was seeking for medical bills and lost wages.
}
} Jurors, who deliberated for two days over the weekend, also determined
} that the Malice star didn't act with malice during the incident.
}
} Baldwin wasn't awarded any damages for the negligence ruling, but the
} absence of malice verdict probably means he won't have to deal with
} Alan Zanger in a courtroom again. If the jury had ruled that Baldwin
} intentionally set out to hurt the cameraman, Zanger would have been
} eligible to sue for punitive damages.
}
} Baldwin's lawyer said the actor was "ecstatic" over the outcome.
}
} As for the widely reported incident, it took place in front of
} Baldwin's Woodland Hills, California, home, when he and wife Kim
} Basinger were bringing home their newborn baby girl from the hospital.
}
} Baldwin approached the camper where Zanger was camped out and sprayed
} shaving cream over all the windows.
}
} A scuffle ensued: Zanger says Baldwin punched him and broke his nose;
} the actor says he merely slapped the camera out of his hands.
}
} In any event, the 40-year-old Baldwin took the stand last week and said
} he and Basinger feared for their lives when they noticed Zanger parked
} in front of their home. The actor added that the couple's special day
} was "irreparably ruined" by the altercation.
}
} After the jury's verdict, Zanger said he was "sorry it happened on a
} day [the actor] was bringing his baby home."
}
} Still, he has no plans on changing his method of operation. "I didn't
} jump in his face," the shutterbug said.
} [snip!]
}
} You owe the Oracle a paparrazi with mushrooms and extra cheese.


1258-07    (4cle5 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O most cool beans laden Oracle, can you tell me why Apple decided
> to make their French keyboard layout incapable of creating the |
> character?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} In France, they prefer to use aqueducts instead of pipes.
}
} Okay, seriously.  It's Option-Shift-L.
}
} You can find out yourself by selecting the Key Caps accessory (Apple
} menu -> Accessories -> Key Caps) and fiddling with the meta keys Shift,
} Option/Alt, and Command.
}
} You owe the Oracle a polite Frenchman, or a humble American, whichever
} you think is harder to find.


1258-08    (5dfbc dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle,
>
> Do ashes feel pain?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ashk the little kid who jusht got shpanked.


1258-09    (3elc6 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Great and memorable Oracle, how come I can never remember any of the
> questions I want to ask you  when I sit down at my computer?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Rats, I hoped you wouldn't remember to ask that.


1258-10    (74hj9 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Great and world-Knowledgeable Oracle, Why are modern-day citizens
> of Israel called Israelis and not Israelites?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} They aren't afraid of a few added calories.


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