} The Federal Duck Reclaimers rank among the most deadly foes of free
} speech in modern society. In 1841, Presient William Henry Harrison
} signed into law the creation of an innocuous national agency dedicated
} to the preservation of duck freedoms, termed, at that time, the
} National Duck Preservation League. However, as events such as the
} Civil War and the assassination of President Lincoln consumed national
} attention, the NDPL slowly altered its focus away from the prevention
} of duck-related crimes to the liberation of enslaved or persecuted
} ducks.
}
} By 1900, the NDPL's purpose had shifted so drastically that the
} president of the League at the time (D. Mal Lard) authorised changing
} the name to the National Duck Reclamation Organization (NDRO), which
} was later shortened simply to the snappier title National Duck
} Reclaimers on the off chance that any daytime television producers were
} interested in making a TV movie out of the organization's hijinx.
}
} Nowadays, the NDR hires exceptionally talented small children and
} genetically compressed military men to fit into ultra-realistic duck
} costumes and hunt down individuals who threaten ducks. Adolescent
} males, amateur hunters, and short bald men with severe lisps are
} thought to be the most common victims of the assassination tactics of
} the NDR. Which means that you, especially, should watch out--it's hard
} to imagine any NDR operatives passing up the chance to off a short,
} lisping, adolescent, amateur hunter.
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