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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most frankophilic, I have a 3 week old half-loaf of French > bread.  Amazingly, it has not gone moldy.  Can you tell me 101 uses for > it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You must be desperate. A two word grovel and you expect a 100+ list of } things to do with half a leftover baguette? I'll tell you what I'll do. } I share approximately 2% of the list to match your grovel attempt. } } 101. Cheaper than hiring an oral surgeon, chewing on this rockhard }      bread will break your teeth for easy home extraction. } } 100. Dry bread. What better sponge for your spilled blood? } } There you go. As a bonus I'll tell you that inserting it sideways into } certain orifices does not make the top 101, but if you choose to do so, } I might send you the rest of the list.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise; > > Why do US sitcoms all have that same dreadful canned laughter on them ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Because most Americans have the same dreadful canned personalities. } } You owe the Oracle a nation that executes marketing executives.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's going on in the world?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Plate tectonics.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Orrie of Untold Glory, > > Two? Four? Six? Eight?  What do you appreciate?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Grovelling, grovelling, rah, rah, rah!

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle, > > Why don't I get to be the Witch King!? I'm just as evil as that > fat head #1!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} His Majesty deals with desires differently than you do.  When you } want to be Witch King, what do you do?  You complain to the Oracle } about it.  When he wanted to be Witch King, he was 8th in line for } the position, so there was, in rapid succession, a hunting accident, } a food poisoning, another hunting accident, an ear poisoning, a strange } and divurse disease, and two very rapid secessions by intelligent Witch } Kings who had a solid amount of pattern matching.  If you were Witch } King, you'd probably sit there hoping nobody else wanted to be Witch } King, whereas the current Witch King is much more...proactive...about } such things.  I'm not saying you're in any trouble at all, what with } your able grasp of politics.  I'm sure everything will be just fine. } } You owe the Oracle a mention in the will.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Is 128-bit encryption sufficient?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} V guvax lbh pna trg njnl jvgu ebg13.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I humbly ask the enigmatic Oracle a question most puzzling to me.  Why > do people of obvious intelligence (engineers) who obtain MBAs become > people of such obvious ignorance?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is part of the hazing ritual of gaining an MBA that cannot be } discussed unless you enter the program. } } Sorry.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Someone suggested I ask you this because they said you were really > smart and stuff and you could tell me all the answers and I really > need an answer so I thought I'd ask you because this person that > told me you were smart is pretty smart too so if they think you're > smart you must be REALLY smart right so here's my question and I hope > you can answer it because you really do sound like you're smart snd > stuff see I read the help file first because I know you're supposed > to do that well not you but you know what I mean well obviously you > do because you're so smart and anyway the help file made you sound > pretty smart and even smarter than smart but I don't know what word > I could use for that smarter than smart because I'm not as smart as > you or even the smart guy who told me you were smart which means you > must be that word that means smarter than smart which I don't know. > > What happens if I stick my finger in there?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It will smart.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle most iniquitous and dire, loving you is easy `cause > you're beautiful, and you rarely burp during formal occasions, > > Will jousting ever make a come back?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, the committee keeps trying to run it through, but its main } proponents keep getting unseated and the rest keep horsing around. } } You owe the Oracle your undying armour.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Is mine a good marraige?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmmm, being married to a mine is in some ways trickier than } being married to a person. Here, check it out: } }            mine                         person } -----------------------------+------------------------------- }   Deep, may hold gold or...  |  Maybe a gold digger or... }   some old Cave Troll        |  someone craven & dull } -----------------------------+------------------------------- }   Good idea to have a        |  Good idea to have some }   canary along               |  friends approval first } -----------------------------+------------------------------- }   Strict Union laws as to    |  Strict laws come into effect }   when and how you dig       |  when you stop 'digging' them } -----------------------------+------------------------------- }   Shafts can be dangerous    |  Shafts can be dangerous } -----------------------------+------------------------------- }   Some attract dwarves       |  Some attract fairies } -----------------------------+------------------------------- }   Lots of hard work to       |  Lots of hard work to make }   make a mine work           |  a marriage work } -----------------------------+------------------------------- } } The Oracle would warn you to avoid land mines, but if you'd } married that time of mine you'd be dead, so he won't bother. } } You owe the Oracle a minor in a hat.