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Internet Oracularities #1288

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1288, 1288-01, 1288-02, 1288-03, 1288-04, 1288-05, 1288-06, 1288-07, 1288-08, 1288-09, 1288-10


Internet Oracularities #1288    (74 votes, 3.3 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2002 09:14:58 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1288
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1288  74 votes 6fqn4 6clkf 18oqf 9nqe2 2atr6 3fgtb 7eri8 4bcno 18tnd 3dtib
1288  3.3 mean  3.1   3.4   3.6   2.7   3.3   3.4   3.1   3.7   3.5   3.3


1288-01    (6fqn4 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most frankophilic, I have a 3 week old half-loaf of French
> bread.  Amazingly, it has not gone moldy.  Can you tell me 101 uses for
> it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You must be desperate. A two word grovel and you expect a 100+ list of
} things to do with half a leftover baguette? I'll tell you what I'll do.
} I share approximately 2% of the list to match your grovel attempt.
}
} 101. Cheaper than hiring an oral surgeon, chewing on this rockhard
}      bread will break your teeth for easy home extraction.
}
} 100. Dry bread. What better sponge for your spilled blood?
}
} There you go. As a bonus I'll tell you that inserting it sideways into
} certain orifices does not make the top 101, but if you choose to do so,
} I might send you the rest of the list.


1288-02    (6clkf dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise;
>
> Why do US sitcoms all have that same dreadful canned laughter on them ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Because most Americans have the same dreadful canned personalities.
}
} You owe the Oracle a nation that executes marketing executives.


1288-03    (18oqf dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Otis Viles <drey@speakeasy.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's going on in the world?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Plate tectonics.


1288-04    (9nqe2 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Orrie of Untold Glory,
>
> Two? Four? Six? Eight?  What do you appreciate?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Grovelling, grovelling, rah, rah, rah!


1288-05    (2atr6 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Dave Hemming <dhemming@blueyonder.co.uk>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle,
>
> Why don't I get to be the Witch King!? I'm just as evil as that
> fat head #1!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} His Majesty deals with desires differently than you do.  When you
} want to be Witch King, what do you do?  You complain to the Oracle
} about it.  When he wanted to be Witch King, he was 8th in line for
} the position, so there was, in rapid succession, a hunting accident,
} a food poisoning, another hunting accident, an ear poisoning, a strange
} and divurse disease, and two very rapid secessions by intelligent Witch
} Kings who had a solid amount of pattern matching.  If you were Witch
} King, you'd probably sit there hoping nobody else wanted to be Witch
} King, whereas the current Witch King is much more...proactive...about
} such things.  I'm not saying you're in any trouble at all, what with
} your able grasp of politics.  I'm sure everything will be just fine.
}
} You owe the Oracle a mention in the will.


1288-06    (3fgtb dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Is 128-bit encryption sufficient?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} V guvax lbh pna trg njnl jvgu ebg13.


1288-07    (7eri8 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I humbly ask the enigmatic Oracle a question most puzzling to me.  Why
> do people of obvious intelligence (engineers) who obtain MBAs become
> people of such obvious ignorance?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is part of the hazing ritual of gaining an MBA that cannot be
} discussed unless you enter the program.
}
} Sorry.


1288-08    (4bcno dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Someone suggested I ask you this because they said you were really
> smart and stuff and you could tell me all the answers and I really
> need an answer so I thought I'd ask you because this person that
> told me you were smart is pretty smart too so if they think you're
> smart you must be REALLY smart right so here's my question and I hope
> you can answer it because you really do sound like you're smart snd
> stuff see I read the help file first because I know you're supposed
> to do that well not you but you know what I mean well obviously you
> do because you're so smart and anyway the help file made you sound
> pretty smart and even smarter than smart but I don't know what word
> I could use for that smarter than smart because I'm not as smart as
> you or even the smart guy who told me you were smart which means you
> must be that word that means smarter than smart which I don't know.
>
> What happens if I stick my finger in there?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It will smart.


1288-09    (18tnd dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Paul Kelly <zymurge@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle most iniquitous and dire, loving you is easy `cause
> you're beautiful, and you rarely burp during formal occasions,
>
> Will jousting ever make a come back?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, the committee keeps trying to run it through, but its main
} proponents keep getting unseated and the rest keep horsing around.
}
} You owe the Oracle your undying armour.


1288-10    (3dtib dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Is mine a good marraige?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmmm, being married to a mine is in some ways trickier than
} being married to a person. Here, check it out:
}
}            mine                         person
} -----------------------------+-------------------------------
}   Deep, may hold gold or...  |  Maybe a gold digger or...
}   some old Cave Troll        |  someone craven & dull
} -----------------------------+-------------------------------
}   Good idea to have a        |  Good idea to have some
}   canary along               |  friends approval first
} -----------------------------+-------------------------------
}   Strict Union laws as to    |  Strict laws come into effect
}   when and how you dig       |  when you stop 'digging' them
} -----------------------------+-------------------------------
}   Shafts can be dangerous    |  Shafts can be dangerous
} -----------------------------+-------------------------------
}   Some attract dwarves       |  Some attract fairies
} -----------------------------+-------------------------------
}   Lots of hard work to       |  Lots of hard work to make
}   make a mine work           |  a marriage work
} -----------------------------+-------------------------------
}
} The Oracle would warn you to avoid land mines, but if you'd
} married that time of mine you'd be dead, so he won't bother.
}
} You owe the Oracle a minor in a hat.


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