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Internet Oracularities #1290

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Internet Oracularities #1290    (66 votes, 3.4 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Thu, 07 Nov 2002 13:46:28 -0500 (EST)

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on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
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   1290
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1290  66 votes 17iqe 3bsg8 18him 3djla 8dghc 5ime7 6rgf2 16npb 2bhgk 08etf
1290  3.4 mean  3.7   3.2   3.8   3.3   3.2   3.0   2.7   3.6   3.6   3.8


1290-01    (17iqe dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: Kirsten Chevalier

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My CS class work group keeps snatching the keyboard away from me
> because I can't code well enough for them.
>
> Is this what our professor would call preemptive multitasking?  It sure
> doesn't seem cooperative!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Indeed, supplicant, they are trying to get you understand some
} operating system concepts first hand.
}
} Here are some other concepts, and how *you* can help your class mates
} understand operating systems better:
}
} - threads: every now and then type on the keyboard, as they are holding
}   it.
} - paging: when you need more room for your notes, just drop their
}   notes lying on the desk to the floor
} - swapping: if the desk is getting *really* full, just choose one
}   victim^H^H^H^H^H^Hclass mate and throw all his notes to the floor
} - interrupt handling: whenever some cute girl enters the computer room,
}   get people to look at her as she goes by
} - shared memory: if you need to make a note on something, just use any
}   paper laying on the desk
} - microkernel: one student codes, but everyone else are yanking at him
}   telling him what to do
}
} Using concepts from Operating Systems research while doing your
} excercise is a fun way to get more acquainted with them *and* make
} friends at the same time.
}
} You owe the Oracle an operating system which doesn't suck.


1290-02    (3bsg8 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh oracle Most Uncapitalised,
>
> What is the meaning of Life?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sigh.
}
} Like you can't go to www.dictionary.com yourself and look it up.
}
} OK, the three main classes of meanings.
}
} Class one--life as opposed to death.
}
} 1. The property or quality that distinguishes living organisms from
} dead oganisms and inanimate matter, manifested in functions such
} as metabolism, growth, reproduction, and response to stimuli or
} adaptation to the environment originating from within the organism.
} 2 .A living being, especially a person: an earthquake that claimed
} hundreds of lives.  3  An interval of time marked on at least one end
} by birth or death.  (Such as: She led a good, long life (both ends);
} He has had hay fever all his life (birth to present); paralysed for
} life (present to death).  4. Slang. A sentence of imprisonment lasting
} till death.
}
} Class two, a game invinted by John Horton Conway in 1970 and was
} first introduced publicly in "Scientific American" later that year.
} Life uses a rectangular grid of binary (live or dead) cells each
} of which is updated at each step according to the previous state
} of its eight neighbours as follows: a live cell with less than two,
} or more than three, live neighbours dies. A dead cell with exactly
} three neighbours becomes alive.  Other cells do not change.
}
} Class three, and by far the most important.  Again, thanks to
} www.dictionary.com for providing the proper phrasing.
}
} The opposite of Usenet. As in "Get a life!"
}
} I think we both know what you owe the Oracle.


1290-03    (18him dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Dave Hemming <dhemming@blueyonder.co.uk>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} What's that thing?
}  _
} / \                                                              |
} \__\                                                             |
} >__ >                                                            |
} /  /                                                             |
} \_/                                                              |
}
} Oooh, it's one of those stealth fighters.  Ugly brute, isn't it?
}
}            _
}           / \                                                    |
}           \__\                                                   |
}           >__ >                                                  |
}           /  /                                                   |
}           \_/                                                    |
}
} Look at it go!
}
}                     _
}                    / \                                           |
}                    \__\                                          |
}                    >__ >                                         |
}                    /  /                                          |
}                    \_/                                           |
}
} Hey, here comes another one!
}
}                                     _
}                                    / \                           |
}                                    \__\                          |
} >                                  >__ >                         |
}                                    /  /                          |
}                                    \_/                           |
}
} Oops, maybe not.  That looks like a SAM.
}
}                                               _
}                                              / \                 |
}                                              \__\                |
} >>===>====>                                  >__ >               |
}                                              /  /                |
}                                              \_/                 |
}
} Hurry, hurry!
}
}                                                             _
}                                                            / \   |
}                                                            \__\  |
}                          >>===>====>                       >__ > |
}                                                            /  /  |
}                                                            \_/   |
}
} Will he make it?
}                                                                  |
}                                                                  |
}                                                >>===>====>       |
}                                                                  |
}                                                                  |
}
} Oh well, I guess we'll never know.
}
} You owe the Oracle a bigger skylight.


1290-04    (3djla dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise, remember 10 years ago?  Nobody cared if food
> contained peanuts back then.  But now, if there's so much as a
> microlitre of peanut oil in something, it's got to have all kinds of
> warning labels on it.
>
> What's changed?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Besides the decline of Jimmy Carter's influence?
}
} ==============================================================
} =       Ten Years Ago      =        Today (~1:54 PM)         =
} ==============================================================
} = 80% of peanuts grown     = 80% of peanuts grown in Iran,   =
} = domestically             = Iraq and North Korea            =
} ==============================================================
} = Peanuts championed by    = Peanuts prominently featured in =
} = monocle wearing upper    = paintings, photos and press     =
} = class nut                = releases of Saddam Hussein      =
} ==============================================================
} = Peanuts traditional part = Peanuts negatively associated   =
} = of any flight            = with new strip search policy of =
} =                          = airlines (Hide the Peanut)      =
} ==============================================================
} = Peanuts associated with  = Peanuts negatively associated   =
} = fond childhood memories  = with Osama Bin Laden after      =
} = of Charlie Brown and     = release of CNN tape showing him =
} = Snoopy                   = snacking on Planter's peanuts   =
} ==============================================================
} = New York Times:          = New York Times:                 =
} = America's Favorite Snack = Pretzel Tries to Kill President =
} = Peanuts                  = Peanut Held As Accomplice       =
} ==============================================================
}
} You owe the Oracle a mixed bag of nuts, no peanuts though, okay.


1290-05    (8dghc dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Kirsten Chevalier

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Do you want to stick with Door number 1, or switch to Door number 2,
> given that I've just shown you a goat behind Door number 3?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I choose Door #3! I love goats!


1290-06    (5ime7 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Paul Kelly <zymurge@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle, who could debug a program written in COBOL while it was
> running,
>
> How would the world have been different if Promethius had bid his
> time, stayed free, and stolen Windows from Gates, letting Zeus keep the
> fire?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} [scene: a courtroom in the clouds, much like an American courtroom but
} instead of wood panelling, everything is white marble, and instead of
} walls it's open air.  The only landscape we can see is cloudless blue
} skies and a mountainside behind the judge's seat.  ]
}
} [ HERCULES, standing at attention at the mountainside, announces: ]
}
} Herc: All rise!  The right powerful and godly judge Zeus is presiding.
}   Court is now in session.
}
} Zeus: [wearing judges robes but all in white, sits.]
}   You may be seated.  Bailiff, what do we have on the tablet today?
}
} Herc: Case number 0x0000000E, your honour: Prometheus versus Gates.
}
} Zeus: Ah yes.  I thought I'd see you here, but much sooner.  I know
}  racial profiling is politically incorrect, but once a Titan, always
}  [reads the slate]...  wait.  Bailiff, who's the plaintiff here?
}
} Herc: Prometheus, sir.
}
} Zeus: [puts the file down, stands up to look over the judge's podium.
}  On his left is a small, tired man with glasses sitting next to a
}  skittish-looking man in an expensive suit and slicked back hair.
}  On his right stands PROMETHEUS, an 8' man in a half tunic, with
}  white scars on his abdomen. ]
}
} Zeus: Prometheus, what is the meaning of this?
}
} Prometheus: Your divine honour, the defendant claimed that his product
}  would improve man's lot, and allow them to share their knowledge and
}  wisdom with all men equally.  I charge that his product did quite the
}  opposite, extinguishing the flames of man's best and brightest by
}  marring their outlook with virulent falsehoods, slowing access to data,
}  preventing merchants from excelling, corrupting their words so they
}  could only speak the defendant's tongue, waylaying explorers with
}  distractions popping up --
}
} Zeus: Enough, enough!  Oy, now I know why Athena quit this job.
}
} You owe the Oracle a "Get Out of Jail Free" card.


1290-07    (6rgf2 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What sort of marks will a maple-leaf shaped flogger leave?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Orange, yellow, and brown ones.
}
} Unless it's springtime.  Then they will be green.


1290-08    (16npb dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Don't the laws of thermodynamics disprove the theory of
> evolution? Doesn't everything go from a state of order to a
> state of  disorder? For things to evolve, chaos would have
> to organize itself into gnus, and redwood trees, and bees.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is a common misconception that life, intelligent life especially,
} contravenes that law of thermodynamics which is most succinctly
} expressed as
} "Entropy Increases"
}
} This is, of course, completely wrong.
}
} Life violates the laws of thermodynamics in the same way that Fire
} does, i.e. it doesn't.
}
} Fire is actually an agent of entropy, it hastens the process.
} What seems at first glance to be a reversal of Entropy (a cold, dark
} lump of coal producing a hot, bright flame)
} is actually entropy in action, as a brief analysis of the ashes a few
} hours later will confirm.
}
} Life, especially intelligent life, does the same, as anyone with a
} 3-year-old child can attest.
}
} You owe The Oracle a horn from Maxwells Demon, and a photo of
} Schroedingers cat.


1290-09    (2bhgk dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  No.
>
>  You owe the Oracle a new mail program.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Preeminent Oracle, who is never confused nor confusing,
}
} Do you enjoy answering questions Jeopardy style?


1290-10    (08etf dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle Most Wise,
>
> I have a rather embarrassing problem,
>
> you see 'it' is rather large, quite a bit larger than anything I've
> seen in those videos
> (you know the kind I mean)
> So large in fact, that it frightens my girlfriend, and she doesn't come
> to visit any more.
>
> I've heard that you may also have suffered from this problem,
> do you have any advice?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Those big SUVs are completely inefficient anyway.  Sell it, and buy a
} Mini Cooper.  She'll think it's cute.


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