} [An aerial shot of a secluded forest on the distant outskirts of some
} unpopular city; zooming in to reveal, among the trees, an expansive
} array of oblong cages, surrounded by fences of steel netting, gnawed
} at by small furry rodents.]
} COMMENTARY: This is no ordinary fur farm. This is a fun farm. Here,
} thousands upon thousands of fun-minks live out the whole of their
} short lives in an unending state of childlike happiness, to ensure
} that when they are killed, their skin will yield quality fun-fur to
} supply the market needs of nerdish retro-fashion enthusiasts,
} 'cybergoths', and cutesy pencil-case manufacturers everywhere.
} [Shot of a small, furry, flourescent green rodent riding past on a
} plastic tricycle. Another such creature frolicks after it, taking
} shots at it with a tiny water pistol.]
} COMMENTARY: Unfortunately for its owners and employees, this fun farm
} is in danger of closing. Animal liberationists have made personal
} threats against farm staff, and also committed numerous acts of
} [Shot of farm employee, scrubbing down the inside of a cage. We see
} that the inner walls are patterned in garish shapes, and also bear a
} notice reading "You don't have to be crazy to be reared here, but it
} EMPLOYEE: They break in and try to leave stuff around so's to stop
} the animals havin' fun, y'know. Like, we used to have one of them
} rubber ball pools for the minks, y'know? Only they put nails in it
} and, like, vinegar.
} COMMENTARY: The farm's proprietors ensure when it's time to slaughter
} the fun-minks, they do so in a humane and, so far as possible, fun
} [Shot of mink being tickled to death with a feather duster by a man
} in Groucho-style glasses and false nose.]
} COMMENTARY: This method also ensures that the coat remains intact.
} Conservationists say that the biggest threat the fun farm poses is
} that of what should happen if the animal liberationists ever succeed
} in setting the fun-minks free. Their influence could spread quickly
} throughout the forest, causing other creatures to start having fun
} rather than killing and eating each other in the natural, mean-
} spirited way, and spelling disaster for the food chain.
} Stay tuned for the second part of "FUN-MINKS: The Mirthful Menace,"
} after these messages.