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Internet Oracularities #1303

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1303, 1303-01, 1303-02, 1303-03, 1303-04, 1303-05, 1303-06, 1303-07, 1303-08, 1303-09, 1303-10


Internet Oracularities #1303    (64 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2003 09:23:41 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1303
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1303  64 votes 58fgk ajl95 18dph 1cpj7 5mkd4 2b9km 8ql54 37mlb 4jlg4 6dkh8
1303  3.2 mean  3.6   2.7   3.8   3.3   2.8   3.8   2.5   3.5   3.0   3.1


1303-01    (58fgk dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> what exactly is computer programming and how does it works?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Isn't any wonder than 27 identical questions like the one
} above all came from Redmond, Washington?


1303-02    (ajl95 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle Most Wise,
>
> Frogs !

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} An intriguing hypothesis! However, you fail to take the snakes,
} slamanders, turtles, newts and various insects into account. Also,
} an *exclamation point*? Seriously, do you really think that'll work?
} Come back when you've taken care of these problems.
}
} You owe the Oracle some of whatever it is you're smoking.


1303-03    (18dph dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hmm... I wonder what would happen if I rubbed this old lamp. Lessee...
> *rubs*

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No! NO!
}
} Ewwww.
}
} [ Lamp laughs. ]
}
} The 'smartest' thing those pervert old lamps ever did was getting
} everyone to believe in genies.
}
} You owe the Oracle a mop.


1303-04    (1cpj7 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle the vault of heaven overhead is more finite than your wisdom,
>
> How can I tell art from traffic signs?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Violate or ignore the art.  If a cop gives you a ticket, it was
} probably a traffic sign.
}
} You owe the Oracle a question requiring a bit more imagination.


1303-05    (5mkd4 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wisest Oracle,
>
> How does a white car differ from some smoke on the horizon?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} A white car is very different from some smoke on the horizon because
} it is a clearly defined shape moving in a rather predetermined
} path which is established by either paved road or dirt two track
} out in the country.  Now the only known exception to this is a Mr.
} Barnes who owns a 70's era Chevy pickup that is in a bad need of a
} new head gasket.  This bondo grey and primer white pickup spends
} most of its time off road, billowing massive plumes of smoke and
} going every which way because Mr. Barnes never drives without his
} home made whiskey.  So now you know that most white cars do not look
} or behave like clouds unless it is
}
} A) producing one of its own, and/or
}
} B) its driver is in one


1303-06    (2b9km dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
>
> ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"
> Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
>
> Why do most of the women that I know hate Britney Spears?
>
> ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220
> Content-Type: application/ms-tnef; name="winmail.dat"
> Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64
> Content-Disposition: attachment; filename="winmail.dat"
>
> eJ8+IgkOAQaQCAAEAAAAAAABAAEAAQeQBgAIAAAA5AQAAAAAAADoAAEIgAcAGAAAAElQTS5N
> AAAAFAAAAE9yYWNsZSB0ZWxsIG1lIHRoaXMAAgFxAAEAAAAWAAAAAcK361PjqataTiMIEdez
> CDjQ3gAAAgEdDAEAAAATAAAAU01UUDpCLVJZQU5AVEkuQ09NAAALAAEOAAAAAEAABg4AmJJP
> AQIBCg4BAAAAGAAAAAAAAABfpwMHwNzUEbMyAGAIONDewoAAAAsAHw4BAAAAAwAGELU9yBwD
> LgAAAB4ACBABAAAALwAAAFdIWURPTU9TVE9GVEhFV09NRU5USEFUSUtOT1dIQVRFQlJJVE5F
> RUFSUz8AAAIBCRABAAAAvgAAALoAAAABAQAATFpGdZMS6r4DAAoAcmNwZzEyNRYyAPgLYG4O
> M08B9wKkBGQCAGNoCsBz8GV0MCAIVQKDAFAD1ZsHEwKAfQqACMggOwlvljACgAqBdgiQd2sL
>
> ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220--

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} > ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220
} > Content-Type: application/ms-tnef; name="winmail.dat"
} > Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64
} > Content-Disposition: attachment; filename="winmail.dat"
} >
} > 8888   M::::::::::::::M88888888888::::::MM888888888888888    88888
} >  888   M:::::::::::::M8888888888888M:::::mM888888888888888    8888
} >   888  M::::::::::::M8888:888888888888::::m::Mm88888 888888   8888
} >    88  M::::::::::::8888:88888888888888888::::::Mm8   88888   888
} >    88  M::::::::::8888M::88888::888888888888:::::::Mm88888    88
} >    8   MM::::::::8888M:::8888:::::888888888888::::::::Mm8     4
} >        8M:::::::8888M:::::888:::::::88:::8888888::::::::Mm    2
} >       88MM:::::8888M:::::::88::::::::8:::::888888:::M:::::M
} >      8888M:::::888MM::::::::8:::::::::::M::::8888::::M::::M
} >     88888M:::::88:M::::::::::8:::::::::::M:::8888::::::M::M
} >    88 888MM:::888:M:::::::::::::::::::::::M:8888:::::::::M:
} >    8 88888M:::88::M:::::::::::::::::::::::MM:88::::::::::::M
} >      88888M:::88::M:::::::::#####################################
} >     888888M:::88::M:::::::::#####################################
} >     888888MM::88::MM::::::::#####################################
} >     88888  M:::8::MM::::::::#####################################
} >     8888   MM::::::MM:::::::#####################################
} >      888    M:::::::MM::::::#####################################
} >      888    MM:::::::MMM::::::::::::::::MM:::MM:::::::::::::::M
} >       88     M::::::::MMMM:::::::::::MMMM:::::MM::::::::::::MM
} >       88    MM:::::::::MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM::::::::MMM::::::::MMM
} >         88    MM::::::::::::MMMMMMM::::::::::::::MMMMMMMMMM
} >          88   8MM::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::MMMMMM
} >           8   88MM::::::::::::::::::::::M:::M::::::::MM
} >
} > ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220--


1303-07    (8ql54 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: MVSOPEN@aol.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Love Grows (Where My Oracle Goes)
> by Edison Lisa

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} He's got lotsa money
} His clothes are kinda funny
} He ZOTs marmots endlessly
} Oh, and love grows where my Oracle goes
} And nobody knows like me
}
} He types kinda lazy
} And people say he's crazy
} And his life's a mystery
} Oh, but love grows where my Oracle goes
} And nobody knows like me
}
} There's something about his hand holding mine
} It's a feeling that's fine
} And I just gotta say
} He's really got a magical staff
} And it's working not half-
} Bad, so I can't get away
}
} I'm a lucky lady
} The Marchioness de Sadie
} And I love him endlessly
} Because love grows where my Oracle goes
} And nobody knows like me


1303-08    (37mlb dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hey, how does this damned thing work?  THUMP THUMP THUMP
> Isn't there supposed to be an answer coming out of here
> somewhere?  THUMP WHAMMM THUDDDDD

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} NY City (TIO-News) Madam Cleo, famous US psychic was roughed up
} Friday by a drunken man who seemed to have mistaken her for a fortune
} telling mannequin. "I and I was like a tellin' him. No need for the
} Rough Stuff. No need, but warn't a listenin', " said Ms. Cleo who
} is in legal trouble over her televised claims of physic ability.
} "I didn't see this a comin'," sighed Ms. Cleo.


1303-09    (4jlg4 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Wise and Brave Oracle, I have read every digest and am blue on days
>  that there is not a new one, I would be tickled pink if you would
>  answer this for be;
>
>  What do the colors that are beyond the range that
>  humans can detect look like?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Andy Worhol paintings.
}
} You owe the Oracle some ultra-fucia boxer shorts.


1303-10    (6dkh8 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Dr. Noe <drnoe@adelphia.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> askme -nomime -nosigs -no_lotr_questions

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} dumpqueue -woodchuck -null -earwax -goat -tim_chew_hair -flowersgone
} -haiku -lemur


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