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Internet Oracularities #1307

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1307, 1307-01, 1307-02, 1307-03, 1307-04, 1307-05, 1307-06, 1307-07, 1307-08, 1307-09, 1307-10


Internet Oracularities #1307    (59 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Mon, 03 Feb 2003 14:32:13 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1307
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1307  59 votes 19sh4 0fof5 4djk3 1akm6 8gkd2 3enh2 99caj 3enj0 3anj4 8bld6
1307  3.1 mean  3.2   3.2   3.1   3.4   2.7   3.0   3.4   3.0   3.2   3.0


1307-01    (19sh4 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> (void *)'\0'

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Didn't you see the sign?  It said
}
}    VOID WHERE PROHIBITED
}
} Don't tell me you can't C.


1307-02    (0fof5 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Oracle most hugely successful & enormously smart,
>
>  I need help with my personal ad. Could you give
>  me some hints of what to say and what not?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Good things         Bad things
} -----------------   -------------------
} Slender             Chubby
} Charming            Congenital liar
} Tall                Short
} Good dancer         Physically inept
} Caring              Sex maniac
} Good singer         Sing Sing resident
} Track star          Needle track star
} Battle veteran      Bottle veteran
} Oracular mind       Obeys anonymous advice


1307-03    (4djk3 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oracle of Questionable Intelligence and Wisdom,
>
> Think about this: somewhere, there is a very fat and very naked hairy
> man jumping up and down in the shower singing a country song.
>
> Now why do you continue to be omniscient?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Do you have something against country music?!
}
} You still owe the Oracle some headache pills, though.


1307-04    (1akm6 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Should everyone be their own city?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It seems to work OK for Gary, Indiana, Page, Arizona, and Holly,
} Michigan.  Captain Cook, Hawaii, does alright.  St. Louis, Missouri,
} and St.  Paul, Minnesota, don't seem to mind, and King of Prussia,
} Pennsylvania, is happy to be alive.
}
} Of course, Lincoln, Nebraska, Garfield, Georgia, Coolidge, Arizona,
} and Washington, DC, have all earned the respect of their peers.
}
} Tuba City, Arizona, Wapakoneta, Ohio, and Truth or Consequences,
} New Mexico got teased in grade school a lot.  Flushing, New York is
} a different story.
}
} You'll know my answer, though, when you drive North out of Tucson,
} Arizona, on highway 77 and reach the town of Oracle.


1307-05    (8gkd2 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Gossip about hedgehogs?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dolphins on crack.
}
} ______
} Get free English-Spy translation at babelfish.altavista.com  Reverse
} translation $50/word.
}
} You owe the Oracle $150.


1307-06    (3enh2 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Help.  I am a lysdexic person.  I went to pay my taxes in New
> Jersey, got in my car and drove.  And drove, and drove.  Now
> I find myself in Texas!  Are there taxes in Texas?  Do I pay
> here or return home?  Would Cafilornia be better?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh no, not again. Look if you're going to make fun of dyslexic
} people you still have to get the e-mail address correct.
}
} You owe Fred Ocarle some peace and quiet.


1307-07    (99caj dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh comforting Oracle,
>
> This is a heavy-duty challenge for you. I'm feeling sad about the loss
> of the space shuttle Columbia, and I need cheering up. Can you help me
> get my mind off it without being tasteless? (I heard all the Challenger
> jokes back when that happened, and none of them were funny.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Oracle empathizes with you and admits that it also has
} similar feelings.  The best advice it can offer is to share these
} feelings with others near and dear to you. Shared sadness is
} almost always diminished.  The Oracle wishes to remind you
} that "This Too, Shall Pass".  We all must continue with our lives.
}
} You owe the Oracle nothing.
}
} This incarnation wishes to express condolences to the family of
} the seven souls on-board the shuttle.  They are in the thoughts
} and prayers of this incarnation.


1307-08    (3enj0 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Great and Frosted Oracle, I grovel before you on creaky knee
> and busted harp.  I was going to play the strains of "Orrie
> Has No Brains At All" (in which the unfolding lyrics explain that
> a mere mortal brain is simply not sufficient to contain a complex
> Omniscience such as yours), but the harp strings broke, and now
> instead of TWANG TWANG TWANG the harp plays FALOOP FALOPP FALOOP.
> It's enough to make a groan groveller grey.
>
> Oh well ...
>
> It's an Irish harp.  Do I have to go to Ireland to get new strings?
>
> Oh, and while I'm in Ireland, what do you want me to get for you?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, if you look under the left bottom corner of the harp, you'll
} notice it says "Made in China" So, you can get strings right around
} the corner.
}
} Since you're not going to Ireland anymore, you can send me the plane
} tickets.


1307-09    (3anj4 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's with them gecko balboa pills my brother takes
> them what do they do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh, yes!  Rather new on the market, I think.  The pills purport
} to increase ones IQ score by transferring intelligence from a
} family member to the user.
}
} Looks like they work, too!
}
} You owe the Oracle a rendition of "Daisy".


1307-10    (8bld6 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Do you have any soy sauce to spare?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No soy sauce.  Soy oracle.
} Usted es muy estupido si esto se confusa.


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