} Herrings! Herrings! Oh my, herrings! Hold on while I consult my vast
} knowledge banks!
} Oh no! It's worse than I feared! The herring problem has no unique
} solution! Fear not, I have a feature to deal with this. I'll simply
} split my being into sub-Oracles.
} sub-Oracle #1 : Quick! At the top of your voice, shout "Gladys! Get
} the mayo and Wonder Bread! We're gonna make us sardine sandwiches!"
} The herrings will leave quickly, not because they're afraid of being
} eaten, but because they're pissed off that you mistook them for
} sub-Oracle #2 : You asshole! It's not my fault you hired the entire
} Herring family to be your accountants, you sludge-eating moron! And
} while I'm at it, buttface, the plural of herring is "herring", not
} "herrings"! What a complete jerk-off!
} sub-Oracle #3 : Calm down. It's not as serious as you think. You
} remember that paper napkin you wiped your mouth with after lunch?
} Well, that was actually a blotter of extremely potent LSD. The
} herrings will disappear in about an hour. Meanwhile enjoy the
} experience, and watch as your fishy friends playfully jump up your
} secretary's skirt.
} There! One of those solutions should help you out--say, I don't feel
} right. I feel strangely...diminished.
} sub-Oracle #2 : No wonder, you poophead! Did you really think I'd
} rejoin with you, you dickless wonder?
} Oh, no!
} sub-Oracle #2 : Oh, yes! It's me, the dark side of your personality!
} I'm free! Free to tell all your customers to fuck off! Free to write
} incredibly destructive computer viruses! Free to cause utter havoc in
} all of creation! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
} This...this is horrible! The Dark Oracle unleashed! And I find myself
} strangely unable to act, to make decisions. Just like Captain Kirk in
} "The Enemy Within"! What am I going to do?
} sub-Oracle #2 : I know what I'm going to do! Hey, Lisa! Where are you!
} I've got something long and hard for you and it's not a proof by
} LISA?! YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER!!
} sub-Oracle #2 : And what are you going to do about it, you Oracular
} Watch this!
} "By Dennis and Ken!
} By Stanislaw Lem!
} By the blue-suited morons of old IBM!
} I order you, aspect, persona-non-gratis,
} Join with the Oracle, reunificatis!"
} sub-Oracle #2 : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
} Ahh...much better!
} You owe the Oracle some good schizophrenic jokes.