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19 Sep 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 22:19:07 GMT

Internet Oracularities #1310

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1310, 1310-01, 1310-02, 1310-03, 1310-04, 1310-05, 1310-06, 1310-07, 1310-08, 1310-09, 1310-10


Internet Oracularities #1310    (72 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sat, 22 Feb 2003 16:51:03 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1310
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1310  72 votes 7cqj8 2jln7 nlf76 6hlhb 4nsc5 06rqd 2epla 28ght 2gkjf 6amnb
1310  3.2 mean  3.1   3.2   2.3   3.1   2.9   3.6   3.3   3.9   3.4   3.3


1310-01    (7cqj8 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wanna, mess, with me you, goshdarn, punk? You gotta another,
> goshdarn, thing coming if you, frickin, do. You, frickin, hear me,
> doo-doo, head?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} C'mon, Mr. Rogers, go home. You're drunk.


1310-02    (2jln7 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> 475
> 2 4 1 2 1 3 4 2 5 1

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmm, maybe we -should- hook the Temple computer up to something
} other than the 14,400 baud line.


1310-03    (nlf76 dist, 2.3 mean)
Selected-By: Dave Hemming <dhemming@blueyonder.co.uk>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Fnord?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Never seen that before.


1310-04    (6hlhb dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> What do French mobsters fear more than anything else?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Testosterone.


1310-05    (4nsc5 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Chic Oracle most intuitive and momentous,
>
> Why are there clowns in my salad?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Because circus shaped orange "fruit snacks" are not an acceptable
} substitute for mandarin segments. Trust me.
}
} You owe the Oracle a promise to never go into catering.


1310-06    (06rqd dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: MVSOPEN@aol.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I found a nickle on the ground today, and I'd like to return it to its
> rightful owner.  Is there any way you can get me in contact with this
> person?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Certainly. The nickel belongs to a Mr. A. M. Chundragupta of Naples,
} Italy. He dropped it on an airplane while flying to Iowa on a business
} trip; a small boy (Joey 'the little brat' Martin) picked it up to play
} with it. Later said coin fell out of a hole in his pocket as he stood
} on a streetcorner. Rains washed the nickel (eventually) into the
} Missisippi, where it was eventually swallowed by a frog on accident.
} The nickel killed the frog, and as scavenger birds ate the carcass one
} of them got the coin stuck in his feathers. Then, as it was flying over
} a small Midwest town the coin fell out and onto the ground. That is
} where you found it.
}
} Unfortunately, Mr. Chundragupta does not have any postal access.
} Furthermore, he will be in Stuttgart, Germany for the next few weeks.
} In order to return his coin to him, you will need to purchase a round
} trip ticket to Stuttgart. Then, on Tuesday next, you will find him in a
} cafe called 'Die Obst' (don't ask why, you don't want to know) sitting
} alone at a table in the corner drinking a dark lager. You may return
} his coin to him then.
}
} Or, if you wish, you can give me the nickel and I'll return it to him
} when I see him this weekend. A.M. and I are on close terms, you see.
}
} You owe the Oracle a round-trip ticket to Stuttgart, Germany.


1310-07    (2epla dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Ah %&#@!
>
> Sorry about the language, but could you tell me, most knowing Oracle,
> how to keep that from happening again?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} From the limited amount of information contained in your question,
} it appears that you are attempting to program in Perl. While it's
} commendable that you are sorry for this, the latest studies show that
} unless you renounce computers altogether and become a monk in Bhutan,
} nothing can help you quit this dreadful language.
}
} You owe the Oracle one-sixteenth of an ounce of good saffron.


1310-08    (28ght dist, 3.9 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Why are metals sonorous?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} If they were daughterorous, they'd be treated like common ores.


1310-09    (2gkjf dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Oh stupendously wise Oracle:
>
>  Please tell me how to summon my Muse?  She is lovely and I need her.
>
>  Besotted

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Have an idea, but just can't get it out?
}
} Looking at a clean sheet of paper, that you wish wasn't
} that way?
}
} Try Meta-Muse-L and have ideas with regularity!
}
} Zadoc: I Love Meta-Muse-L! It helps me crank out all
}        sorts of stuff!
}
} HOW DOES META-MUSE-L WORK?
}
}  Meta-Muse-L is a Idea-forming Muse attractant. The
}  active ingredient is a naturally grown grain fungus.
}
} Zadoc: A Fungi? That's just what I need to prod me
}        to action!
}
} IS IT OK TO USE META-MUSE-L EVERY DAY?
}
}  Heck, yeah. You'll be thinking the place up in
}  no time.
}
} Zadoc: I used to sit for hours, and nothing. Now
}        I can't stop the torrent! Ideas? I got them!
}
} WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SMOOTH TEXTURE
} AND ORIGINAL TEXTURE META-MUSE-L?
}
}  One is smooth, the other isn't.
}
} Zadoc: Well, like D'oh!
}
}  Buy Meta-Muse-L! You'll love your increased output!
}
}      Available in Fine Stores Everywhere!


1310-10    (6amnb dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle so wise and fine, I approach with a question, supine.
>
> So I keep reading about resolution 1441 and how that's the document
> behind the inspections, so I thought I'd go read it. But when I looked
> up RFC1441 it was all about something called SNMPv2 which apparenly is
> something to do with network management. Nothing about inspections at
> all! Help me understand this.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Alas the fate of the dyslexic seeker of wisdom. You have the number
} of the resolution backwards.


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