} Sure! Let's set a date and register our china pattern.
} Oh, wait: there's just one thing. You have to prove you love me.
} A single rose and a good kiss ought to cover that. Then we can get
} Oops, I forgot again. You have to prove that you're ready to
} get married. No big deal, just come with me to a topless beach
} during Spring Break and keep eye contact with me 100% of the time.
} Piece of cake. That, the rose and kiss thing, and we're married.
} Boy, I just don't know where my head is today. You also need to prove
} that you're grown up enough to pull your weight in my household.
} Be a dear and scrub the toilets, dust the venetian blinds, wax the
} garage floor and comb the shag carpet. Then we go to the beach,
} then we kiss while I get a flower, then the wedding bells ring.
} Wait -- wait, no, I really should write these things down. You ALSO
} need to prove that you can support me in the manner to which I'm
} accustomed. Here's my shopping list. Have it all on the porch
} by sunrise tomorrow. No, that says twenty-four karat. No, Fannie
} Mae is not an acceptable replacement for Godiva. No substitutions.
} Get all that done, then the cleaning stuff, then the beach, then a
} kiss and a rose, and I can almost hear "Here comes the bride" playing.
} Gee, I keep thinking I'm done, and then more crops up. You also need
} to talk to me about your feelings, tell me about a childhood memory so
} painful that it makes you cry, give me a good snuggle for no reason
} when I least expect it, spend a whole weekend shopping with me, stop
} the car and ask for directions, let ME have sole custody of the remote
} control for the entire NCAA tournament, listen to me rant about my day
} without making a SINGLE SUGGESTION about how to solve my problems, and
} stand by nodding and smiling while I get my long hair cut off short.
} Oh, and you have to meet with the approval of all my friends.
} And get me a puppy. You feed, bathe, clean up after, and otherwise
} maintain it. But fix it so it bonds just to me and cuddles with me
} all the time.
} That, blah-blah-blah, and the rose and kiss, and THEN I'll marry you.
} See what your friends are talking about when they say, "My wedding's
} coming up, and there's just so much to DO!" Never in your wildest
} dreams imagined, did you?
} You owe the Oracle a bouquet of flowers carved from finest Godiva
} chocolate. Be a dear and put "Attention: Lisa" on the mailing label.