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Internet Oracularities #1312

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1312, 1312-01, 1312-02, 1312-03, 1312-04, 1312-05, 1312-06, 1312-07, 1312-08, 1312-09, 1312-10


Internet Oracularities #1312    (61 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sun, 09 Mar 2003 20:48:19 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1312
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1312  61 votes 1apm3 3epf4 46ina 4hgg8 8gic7 5ehh8 6fgf9 agge5 6mcba 16j8r
1312  3.2 mean  3.3   3.0   3.5   3.1   2.9   3.1   3.1   2.8   3.0   3.9


1312-01    (1apm3 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oracle most awesome, tell me:
>
> How can I cope with the world of emptiness that weighs heavy upon my
> soul?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Something that works for me is to interact heavily with fictitious
} Internet personalities.
}
} You owe the Oracle an askme or three.


1312-02    (3epf4 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle! Oracle! Oracle! You were the greatest thing before
> sliced bread. You are greater now then all the sliced bread
> combined. You will still be the greatest after the sliced bread
> has gone all green and moldy.
>
> I don't really have a question. I just wanted to tell you how
> great and wonderful you are.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Gee, thanks.  It's not often I get compared to mouldy bread.
}
} You owe the Oracle a better way to thank insincere supplicants.


1312-03    (46ina dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Who is the provider?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}    A'ol is the provider. A'ol is the protector. A'ol is the gateway to
} knowledge.
}
} And what of the Link of the Earth?
}
}    A'ol is our only connection. A'ol is the way. A'ol keeps our
} children safe from the Unholy Links.
}
} What of the Brothers Juno and Emessen?
}
}    They are the evil ones. They lure us to the unholy lands of Yahoo
} and Ebay. They do not shelter us like A'ol. They do not love us like
} A'ol.
}
} Very good children. Continue in your prayers and someday the Great A'ol
} will grant you a connection.
}
} You owe the Oracle a better vision of the future. This one is just to
} frightening.


1312-04    (4hgg8 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> void main

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ex-Lax code released to the public.


1312-05    (8gic7 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle most wise and resolute. Is it wrong to continue to make fun
> of the French when our own country's leader is clearly an idiot?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oui.
}
} Vous en devez a` l'oracle savant.


1312-06    (5ehh8 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle most un-dumb,
>
> What's the stupidest thing any politician has ever said?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Talk about your fish in a barrel question. Son, the field is
} so crowded there, the BS so deep, that picking out any one
} most lame comment is nigh impossible, everyone has so many
} favorites. On the other hand one could easily find ten million
} amazingly dumb statements, it'd be child's play. Let's make
} this a bit more of a challenge shall we?
}
}   === Ten SMARTEST Things ever Said by a Politician ===
}
} 10. I hereby formally resign.
} 09. Okay, don't shoot! I give up!
} 08. Sure, we're bound to get caught, but in the mean
}     time. Woo-Hoo! So quit yer belly aching and keeping
}     counting, there must be a million bucks in this one
}     suitcase alone.
} 07. Just kiss the babies, wear the funny hats, and take
}     the bribes kid -- and your reelection is assured.
} 06. Et tu Brute?
} 05. Neville! You &#$*ing nut! HELLO! Hitler is lying to
}     you!
} 04. I hereby formally concede this election.
} 03. But that would be wrong.
} 02. Speak to my lawyer.
} 01. No comment.
}
} You owe the Oracle a televised debate between Bob Dole
} and  Bill Clinton on the merits of viagra.


1312-07    (6fgf9 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh my god its full of stars.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That's because it's "Chicken and Stars" soup, you noodlehead!


1312-08    (agge5 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  O Oracle most discerning,
>
>  If I use a caret while eating a carrot to point out where somebody
>  mixed up "carat" and "karat", what then?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Be vewwy, vewwy quiet.  I'm hunting wabbits.


1312-09    (6mcba dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle most famous and clever,
>
> Your dance is done all in good taste, right?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ooooo, you got it, tiger.
}
} Whoops! Popped you with my feather boa. Sorry about that.
}
} Do you llllllike what you ... sssssssssssssee? Leopard-print spandex
} doesn't come cheap, you know. Especially with the hot pink highlights.
} I paid top dollar for this outfit, because if you don't, you just
} wind up looking like a tramp, y'know?
}
} The tune? Oh, that old thing? It's just "Bolero" played by a steel
} drum orchestra on crack, with Bob Guccione soloing on triangle.
}
} Yes, parts of my dance *are* symbolic, how clever of you to notice!
} >This< move, for example -- oo, watch it, honey, you spit out your
} breath mint! -- >this< move ... you want to see it again? Okay! >This<
} move, for example, represents the entire kama sutra performed in one
} cosmic explosion by two rabbits on Viagra.
}
} But to get back to what you were saying, yes, taste is VERY important
} to me.  Most of the clowns we get in here just don't understand.
} If you don't have taste, what do you have? I ask you, what do you have?
} I mean, you can look at what I'm doing, and listen to the music,
} and smell my musky pheromones, and even reach out and touch me, but,
} back me up here (no, not like that!), tell me I'm right -- without
} the tongue getting into it, ya got nothing.  Right? Right??
}
} Oh.
}
} Um, well, yeah, that too. Yeah, I guess we ... um ... care about that.
} Yeah.  That.
}
} You owe the Oracle an MP3 of Leontyne Price singing "Darling Nikki."


1312-10    (16j8r dist, 3.9 mean)
Selected-By: Paul Kelly <zymurge@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Quick, add up the numbers 1 to 100 and give me the answer before
> prof Gauss figures out what I am doing!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Why bother? You've only got a 5050 chance to pass this class anyway.


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