[IO]
Internet Oracle
20 Sep 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 5:49:16 GMT

Internet Oracularities #1340

Goto:
1340, 1340-01, 1340-02, 1340-03, 1340-04, 1340-05, 1340-06, 1340-07, 1340-08, 1340-09, 1340-10


Internet Oracularities #1340    (56 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 16:49:33 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line.  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1340
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1340  56 votes 27hjb 8ji83 7jm71 4hlb3 5dle3 2cdja 23hjf 29ng6 13hpa 3eoc3
1340  3.2 mean  3.5   2.6   2.6   2.9   2.9   3.4   3.8   3.3   3.7   3.0


1340-01    (27hjb dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Great Oracle,
>
> Emerson + Thoreau = ?
> Sqrt(Bach) = ?
> Melville^Poe = ?
> Mozart * Gothe = ?
> Monet % Frost = ?
> Dickens | Wordsworth = ?
> Bush - Cheney = ?
> grad(Perlman) = ?
> Torvalds & Gates = ?
> Zadoc / Lisa = ?
> inf(Darwin) = ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} > Emerson + Thoreau = ?
}
} Emeril.  BAM!
}
} > Sqrt(Bach) = ?
}
} 54.6626014748658  (Bac in hex translates to 2988 in decimal)
}
} > Melville^Poe = ?
}
} Hellville
}
} > Mozart * Gothe = ?
}
} Go-Kart
}
} > Monet % Frost = ?
}
} Warmth
}
} > Dickens | Wordsworth = ?
}
} Heheheheheh you said "Dickens"
}
} > Bush - Cheney = ?
}
} -Cheney
}
} > grad(Perlman) = ?
}
} C++man
}
} > Torvalds & Gates = ?
}
} However you slice it, they're both nerds.
}
} > Zadoc / Lisa = ?
}
} I'd rather multiply with Lisa than divide her.
}
} > inf(Darwin) = ?
}
} Darlose


1340-02    (8ji83 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle.  Two questions.  How many?  When?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} About 40,000 of them. Right about...[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]... now.
}
} The Oracle owes you his sympathies, Mr Bartman.


1340-03    (7jm71 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  The Oracle is wisdom, The Oracle is Knowledge Manifest. The
>  Oracle is truthful and kind and forgiving and fuzzy,
>
>  Why did Horus decide to play hockey?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} He was baited by his brother Seth, who taunted "heh, yeah, sure
} you're a tough guy with the sword and all, but I bet I'd knock
} your teeth out in a nice friendly game of hockey".  It took some
} doing, getting a section of the Nile to freeze over enough to
} practice, but Horus now feels ready to join the Washington
} Capitols (with their nice falcon emblem, they can't be all bad,
} right?) and take on the Seths and the Gretskys of the world.


1340-04    (4hlb3 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: "T. Gies" <tgies@cox.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Wise Oracle who never mistypes,
> Thou dost not use the DELETE button;
> Thou knowest when grapes are ripe.
> Thou knowest the fundamentals of mutton.
>
> Thy wisdom is coveted by all;
> None is as wise as thee.
> Thy knowledge shall not fall.
> Thy Supplicants in thee are free.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Once and for all, stop with that stuff about "the fundamentals of
} mutton"!  I told you: yes, I was in Montana at the time, but that was
} somebody else! I was in Missoula, 200 miles away!
}
} Now be off with you. Go hassle that guy with the gerbils or something.
}
} You owe The Oracle a pair of ferrets. And a sword. And a furry
} loincloth. Always wanted one of those.


1340-05    (5dle3 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hey Orrie,
>
> I just wanted to say: I'm all hyped up for the release of 1339.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes, well, I can understand that since you're not omniscient like me.
} I find the whole thing rather boring since I already know what's going
} to be in it.
}
} But do you care?  Oh, no!  Your feeble mind cannot begin to comprehend
} what omniscience is like.  But ironically, being omniscient means I
} know what it's like to be non-omniscient.  I don't know how you stand
} it.
}
} Incidentally, your question will *not* be appearing in 1339.
}
} You owe the Oracle a precisely measured ounce of sympathy.  No more,
} no less.


1340-06    (2cdja dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <zymurge@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hey Oracle..  You're so great, yada yada yada.
>
> I'm about to start running a Vampire rpg campaign, and I need ideas for
> about 20 NPCs.
>
> Could you just give me a neat story about a person (vampire or not) who
> will live in my world?
>
> That'd be great.
> Thanks.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Once upon a time there was a vampire called Sally. One day she woke up
} and looked outside. It was dark and the stars were out. "Oh, good,"
} thought Sally, "It's night time." So she went outside.
}
} Outside Sally saw her neighbour Mary. "Hello, Mary," said Sally. "Nice
} night, isn't it?"
}
} "Night?" said Mary. "It's the middle of the day. It's a solar eclipse.
} Isn't it marvellous?"
}
} "Eclipse?" said Sally.
}
} "Yes," said Mary. "It should be ending very soon now."
}
} Just then, the moon began to move away from the sun's face, and
} daylight broke through.
}
} "Oh, bugger," said Sally. And Sally crumbled into dust.
}
} You owe the Oracle a SPF2000 sunscreen for vampires.


1340-07    (23hjf dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <zymurge@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle Most Wise,
>
> in recent times, I have had two answers to questions
> that have been both comprehensible, and useful.
>
> Has there been a change in policy?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, as you can see by a careful re-reading of your question
} it is still standard policy for supplicants to complain no
} matter what kind of answer they get. Thank you.
}
} You owe the Oracle a break.


1340-08    (29ng6 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> dear Oracle
> why dus that monky not like me?????

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Calculating Clue Index:
}
} Grovel: "dear Oracle", -3 points
} Capitalization: only 1 capitalized word, -2 points
} Capitalized word is "Oracle", +1 point
} Spelling mistakes: 2, -4 points
} Question marks used: 4 surplus, -20 points
} Grammatical errors: none, +5 points
} Didn't use MIME or HTML: +10 points
}
} Total format marks: -14 points
}
} Question content:
} Mildly amusing. No references to in-jokes. No references to culture.
} Tenuous reference to science.
} 11 points.
}
} Total Clue Index of supplicant: -3.
}
} Clue Index of monkey (estimated): 1. Monkey has more clue than the
} supplicant.
}
} So the answer is, the monkey doesn't like you because you get more
} computer time, and it feels slighted because it thinks all you use the
} computer for is trivia like asking silly questions to omniscient
} beings. And it's right.
}
} You owe the monkey a copy of NetHack 3.4.2.


1340-09    (13hpa dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> oraclemostwisewhocanreadanythingcoherantstopitwouldseemthatsomeonehas
> stolenallthekeysexceptthelettersandnumbersfrommykeyboardstopcanyouhelp
> stop

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} When she told you she was leaving because she needed
} more space, she wasn't kidding.


1340-10    (3eoc3 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> When the small crime where he became dirty us and bad
> everything is known simultaneously all fear in the honeycomb
> of the avaricious scorpion which shoots the dead light ray
> from the Oracle their tail where the sweetest coating and
> has been attached someone? The method of turning the
> intestine whose s is large us from you, in addition, the
> answering in most chewy centers which and me pursue
> the secret of the art where wondrously conversation is gone
> and, have known. Does everything when why translating that
> from Japanese and the back section for the second time from
> English, really become incomprehensible?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} For the last time, Mr Joyce, we're not interested
} in your manuscript for "Finnegan's Wake: Part Two".
}
} You owe the Oracle an interview with Thomas Pynchon.


© Copyright 1989-2017 The Internet OracleTM a Kinzler.com offering Contact oracle-web@internetoracle.org