> Fact is Stranger than Fiction
> Man, the craziest thing happened to me yesterday. I had to work
> late, and then pick something up at the Mall for my Mother's Birthday.
> I was rushing to get home so I could catch my favorite show, Fear
> Factor. I was walking quickly and as I turned a corner in the Mall I
> bumped in to some guy coming the other way around the corner. I almost
> dropped the my Mother's Birthday gift, but managed to hold on to it.
> I apologized to the guy and pressed on, but before I could take two
> steps he started yelling at me...
> Guy: "Hey buddy, watch where the hell you're going! What's the matter
> with you? You stupid or something?"
> Me: "Oh, sorry."
> Guy: "That it? You're sorry? Well... that doesn't cut it! Do you
> think its okay to go around bumping in to everybody, breaking all their
> stuff? Look what you've done! You made me drop my ice cream cone.
> How would you like it if I broke your stuff?"
> With that he grabbed my Mother's gift and smashed it on the
> Guy: "How did you like that? You didn't, did you?"
> Me: "Now, that wasn't necessary. It was an accident, and I'm sorry,
> but I don't feel I'm any more at fault than you were. Besides, my
> gift was expensive, and your ice cream cone was only worth a dollar."
> Guy: "Not your fault? Look mister, it was ALL your fault. You got
> some kind of death wish or something?"
> About this time I realized that this guy was quite a bit bigger
> than I was, and he was getting angrier and angrier by the second.
> Me: "I still feel I wasn't any more at fault than you, but how about
> if I buy you a new ice cream cone anyway?"
> I fumbled through my wallet, but only had a twenty dollar bill.
> I pulled it out to ask if he had any change, but he knocked it out
> of my hands and it fluttered to the floor. Clearly he didn't care
> about the money.
> Guy: "I don't want your money! I want revenge! I'll take it out
> in blood and broken bones! It's about time you learned a lesson,
> and I'm just the guy to teach it to you!"
> I could see he was getting very angry now; his nostrils were
> flaring, veins were bulging on his temples, sweat was running down
> his forehead, he was breathing quickly, and he was taking a fighters
> Me: "Calm down, it's not that big a deal."
> Guy: "Look Buster! You're worthless piece of crap! People like you
> ought to be tortured and killed; severely tortured for a VERY long
> time, then shot and left for the buzzards. You don't deserve to live;
> you shouldn't even have been born! Why didn't your mother do the
> world a favor and kill you before you could come in to the world?"
> About this time I was thinking that I hate cops sticking their
> nose in my private business, but I'd really like to see one now.
> Me: "Uhmmm"
> I was about to respond, but decided it would probably be best
> if I didn't say anything.
> Guy: "You are the scum of the earth! The lowest form of life on
> the planet! Lower than low!"
> I was getting kind of scared now; this guy was really loosing
> it. His arms were starting to flail around, and he was making punching
> gestures with his fists.
> Guy: "I'll kill you for this! Rip you apart, s_l_o_w_l_y, piece by
> piece, so it hurts like nothing you've ever felt before! I'll tear
> flesh from bone, pull your guts out and strangle you with them!
> I'll beat you to a pulp and drink your blood!"
> Somebody must have called, because I could see a cop was
> running up to us with his night-stick drawn. Boy did I feel better
> seeing that.
> Guy: "When I'm through with you, they won't even recognize you as
> human; you will just be a pile of pulverized meat and broken splintered
> bones sitting in a puddle of blood!"
> Policeman: "John, what's the matter? Did this man do something?"
> The guy's voice suddenly went from raging to calm.
> Guy: "This idiot deliberately smashed in to me and threw my ice cream
> cone on the floor. Now he refuses to pay!"
> Me: "No, I offered to..."
> Before I could finish the cop whacked me with his night-stick,
> tackled me to the hard Mall floor, twisted my arms behind my back till
> it hurt like hell, and cuffed me. "Damn! These guys are friends.
> Of course the cop is going to take his friend's side." I thought
> to myself.
> Guy: "I tried to work it out with him, but he threatened me with
> bodily harm. You can bet I'm going to press charges. I don't care
> how much it costs me, I'm going to get the best lawyer money can buy
> and have this low life put away where he belongs for a long, long,
> LONG time!"
> I started to say something, but the cop whacked me with the
> night-stick again. Wow, I didn't know it could hurt that much!
> Policeman: "Shut the hell up, you are in enough trouble already."
> [Time lapses.]
> So, now I'm sitting here in a jail cell with a bunch of smelly
> drunks wondering how all this could have happened. I've never been in
> any kind of trouble before. There were lots of witnesses at the Mall,
> but no one brave enough to come forward. One of the witnesses must
> have even made off with the twenty bucks that fell to the floor. Man,
> what a lousy day! I'm out that twenty bucks, the expensive Birthday
> gift for my Mom, I missed my show, my car was towed and I have to
> pay that plus storage fees, I have to hire a lawyer, and pay bail.
> So, Mr. Oracle, let me ask you - How could I have avoided this,
> and what was that guy's problem anyway?