} Tonight, on "Newsnight", an exclusive story. The Church of England,
} commonly abbreviated CofE, is accused of deriving its name and identity
} from coffee. With us tonight we have Rev. Marshmallow, the head of
} CofE's PR department, Lucifer Beelzebub dePfeffel Johnson, satanic
} overlord of the world, and Angus Deayton, disgraced former host of the
} quiz show "Have I Got News For You".
} I'd like to start with you, reverend Marshmallow. Is there any truth in
} these allegations?
} (Rev. Marshmallow) Certainly not. The CofE has nothing to do with
} coffee, in any way, shape or form. It merely is a vessel for the heroic
} deeds of Jesus Christ, our lord.
} (Anchor) Do you mean "heroic" in the sense "heroin"? Are you saying
} Christ was a junkie?
} (Lucifer, butting in) Yeah! YEAH! GROWWWRRRR!
} (Rev. Marshmallow) No! What a ludicrous thing to say! Jesus, our
} Saviour, was only, in quotes, "high" on life, God and the shining
} divinity of being!
} (Anchor) And by shining you mean "zionist". So, Jesus was a
} fundamentalist jew?
} (Rev.) Preposterous! If anything, Jesus fought actively against....
} (Anchor) "Anything" as in "amphetamine". You seem to be going back on
} your claim that Jesus was not a drug addict.
} (Rev.) I.. I never claimed...
} (Anchor) "Claimed", of course, is short for "clay motherfucker". There
} is no need for that sort of language, rev, Marshmallow.
} (Rev.) But... but... I... never...
} (Anchor) "I Never" as in "I am a flaming homosexual pederast"? Well,
} it's good of you to admit it...
} (The reverend Marshmallow explodes)
} (Anchor): Thankyou, thankyou. The timer is at... 28 seconds, which
} places reverend Marshmallow on third place on or master scoreboard for
} "Who wants to make a religious leader explode with indignance?", right
} underneath Mullah Fatima and our unreachable leader on the board, Rabbi
} Wankelstein, who exploded in less than 0.6 seconds after being told
} that he looked like a pig with a milk moustache.
} We'll see you next time, folks!
} *theme music*