} Gather round the feet of Uncle Orrie dear children -
} don't step on the beard Nigel, there's a good boy -
} and I will tell you some of the ancient Lore of the
} Oracle so that when you are grown, you can tell your
} own children.
} Once upon a time, in the far off land of Usenet there
} lived an incredibly good looking, wise, brave,
} intelligent, wealthy, powerful, fair, good hearted,
} modest, gorgeous smelling, well connected, not at all
} conceited ...no, Suzy, not Steve Kinzler! No, not Tim
} Chew, Ahmad!! For Zot's sake, ME, the Internet
} Well anyway, in those days times were hard and
} computers were just square boxes with plain monochrome
} screens. That's right Jamal, no color!! Stop crying
} Natasha, it's not THAT sad.
} And the screens on these computers didn't show
} graphics, just letters and numbers. No Nigel, they
} couldn't run Warcraft III - no, not even at slow
} speed. No not even in one color. Have a tissue,
} Natasha. Harry, don't do that. Are you IM-ing your
} friend, Charlotte? ...yes you are - I'm the omniscient
} Oracle, remember. Stop it.
} Well one day along came a beautiful new computer
} called Lisa, which had a lovely curved body and a
} screen that could show all kinds of amazing things and
} ... No, Nigel it couldn't run Warcraft III either, but
} that's not the point. No Suzy .... Here Natasha, take
} the whole box!
} Where was I? Ah yes, Lisa. When Lisa came along there
} was nothing else like her around and many people
} didn't understand her ...yes, Suzy she could speak
} English. Yes AND Spanish. Look I don't KNOW how many
} other languages OK? It's not important. ...many people
} didn't *appreciate* her virtues and special
} qualities... no James, I said "virtues" ...stop
} sniggering Nigel, it's not that funny. Harry ...I SAID
} don't do that. Thank you.
} ...so I decided that she should come and live with me
} and... Yes, Ahmad, in the temple, where else? Harry,
} if I have to tell you ONE more time... James, leave
} Natasha alone, they're all the tissues I have.
} Charlotte... put it away .... Ahmad, turn AROUND!!
} OK THAT'S ENOUGH!!
} LOOK. Just SIT DOWN, SHUT UP and LISTEN or else you're
} going to find out what "ZOT" means the hard way. Is
} that clear?
} Any more questions? ...thought not.