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} Well I never! I had a supplicant the other day ooh he was so witty,
} he made these nice little analogggy anolizy noises the other
} day -- he deserves such a sweetie! He wanted to know whether he
} should marry! Not often does anyone answer these sort of question
} these days. Them young people are so disrespectul and rude these days.
} They have no manners, not grovel, but rush straight into the question!
} Thy think the're so clever, not in the old days when people read books.
} Now they play these toys all day long and think they're so clever.
} Clever ha! Thay don't learnt the time tiables and can't add in their
} head nowadays. Whatever happened to proper schooling these days,
} now there's all these new fangled maths in round rooms, and playing
} games on computers all days long! Ooh the cheek of it they even look
} at naked women on 'em screens. The shamelessness of these youths.
} They're too young they go straight past the legal warning screen
} though they're clearly well under the age of 18! Shouldn't be allowed!
} Should be net nannied right up to 18! They did in my days they did.
}
} The war that did it. The one my husband Bertie died. Ooh he was such
} a hero. He was an air man he was. Ooh Bertie what big trousers he
} wore! (Holding up fingers in the air) he shot down 13 Germans he did!
} Before he was shot down by the Red Baron in the Battle of Britain.
} He defended the nation right and proper, against Hitler he did.
} We were fit then, our food were rationed, we dug for victory. We even
} had to make our own pizzas in those days, you couldn't get them off
} the shelf, not in those days you couldn't. We had those little books,
} them rations books, the shopkeeper will tear off a page when you did
} your shopping. We were all fit as a fiddle then, not like today when
} half the people are fat and lazy now. Couch potatos they call 'em now.
} I remember these Yanks came over to help us in the war. Ooh their
} uniforms were so smart! Not dull and brown like ours. They were over
} paid, over sexed, and over here. They were no match for my handsome
} Bertie though. Ooh Bertie was hung like a stallion! EEh!
}
} Today's youngsters couldn't fight their ways out of a paper bag!
} Only last week they went to Vietnam and complained about the heat!
} They used napalm on children. Should've seen the girl on the front page
} all over tha papers then, she was running and burnt and all screaming,
} all the clothes burnt off her backs! Ooh the cheek of it!
}
} I see President Reagan got through for the second time. And Margaret
} Thatcher lost the election, and Tony Blair won. I never voted Labour.
} Always Conservative. Churchill was a hero - he brought Britain through
} the war. A bulldog he was. That right a bulldog. We have a poodle now.
} Tony Blair the Poodle. And Reagan he was always going on about Star
} Wars. I remember when I watched Star Wars - it was on the picture
} last month. I couldn't understand it with them robots and Darth Vader,
} gnomes with big ears and these funny swords. Darth sounded so much
} like Bertie and he wore all black like Bertie did. Only his trousers
} weren't as big as Bertie you know! Wink wink nudge nudge!
}
} The Americans had another war the other day, not a big one like The
} War the one where my Bertie was shot down in his spitfire. They went
} to Iraq, or Iran, where the Arabs live. They were looking for oil,
} or DMW, or WDM or is it WMD? Oh I don't know. Its all new fangled
} these day with these new appreviations. They found Saddam, the one
} with the big moustache, like Thomson in Tintin. Or was it Thompson?
} They found him in a hole in the middle of nowhere. Ooh he was so
} pitiful, Saddam was all thin and looking like a tramp. He couldn't
} cook or wash up! Served him right! Now the Americans have stayed on to
} give them an election. They keep getting blown up, and now the young
} boys don't want to join the US Army. Don't blame 'em! They think
} its like backpacking and shooting with a rifle after a day's hike.
} They don't train them like they used to, they even wear glasses!
} EEh they let women fight! They look so smart in their uniform!
} My grandson showed me how to surf the web he did. He showed me these
} videos like little TVs, little pictures like the telly the size of a
} postage stamp! oh why cant they makes the videos bigger it strains my
} eyes to peer so close. They got them videos of them boot camps where
} they train em up to be soldiers. They make them so easy these days.
} They wouldn't join if they weren't made so easy for them!
}
} Oh sorry the Oracle, should the supplicant marry? Well he married 6 or
} 7 times, or was it 8? Well if he can't hold down a marriage, then I
} don't think he should even bother. He might as well have a one night
} stand, ooh the cheek of it! What do these youngsters do now, they
} go to them discos, they do the twist, and they grind their legs and
} rub the bottoms together! They don't dance proper like they used to,
} with steps and all, foxtrots, and walzes, now that's proper dancing.
} Its all started with Rock and Roll. Devil's music. Them places are
} so noisy, they go all deaf. They take drugs too. Why cant they take
} medicine at home in the bathroom? Now they take em like smarties,
} all them different colours. They even eat blotting paper! Then they
} see things, colours and things like that. Its them hippies, they take
} drugs, and tell the youngsters to drop out!
}
} What was the other question, how can you get her to stop getting
} older? Now that is a conundrum, like a pretzel! Well you can't!
} Isn't it obvious! But them mortals you cant expect em to see time
} like we can? We all grow old, the mortals die and take their place
} in one of the Nine Planes, like the vicar said at Sunday school.
} Except the immortals we have died and we live for ever now. You can
} talk forever in the Land of Obsequious W**dchucks. Ooh they even have
} numbers on their ears! They wait on you hand and feet and don't throw
} things about! Ooh so well behaved! Or maybe it's the way you see em?
} If your a good incarnate you will go to First Heaven! Just like the
} vicar said.
}
} Or if you're a good supplicant, you go to Fifteen Zero, and you play
} beach volleyball all the time! Saw it on the Olympics on the telly
} the other day! No not the mountain, the games! The cheek of it, the
} women shorts are so shorts that half their bottoms are sticking out!
} They keep scratching em! They play so well! No wonder the stands
} are full of men packed like sardines! The refs should make them wear
} shorts like the mens, but the stand wont get their money's worth
} would they? It's them shorts that pull 'em in you see, and the men
} pay them tickets and so the women can get paid! Its two big squares
} down that way if you want to have a look!
}
} And ad infinitum.
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