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Internet Oracularities #1390

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1390, 1390-01, 1390-02, 1390-03, 1390-04, 1390-05, 1390-06, 1390-07, 1390-08, 1390-09, 1390-10


Internet Oracularities #1390    (36 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Mon, 05 Sep 2005 22:59:19 -0500 (EST)

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on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
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   1390
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1390  36 votes 77d72 06ae6 15fe1 76b66 028ce 3cf60 aaa51 09bc4 459e4 25fa4
1390  3.1 mean  2.7   3.6   3.2   2.9   4.1   2.7   2.4   3.3   3.2   3.2


1390-01    (77d72 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: Mike Nolan <nolan@romaine.tssi.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> <BODY><P>Oh great Oracle who knows all about fine and not so fine
> dining.</P> <P>What's for lunch?</P></BODY>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} A big ol' bowl of plain text.


1390-02    (06ae6 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Leo L. Schwab" <ewhac@best.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes, some of the new operators in Perl6 are rather obscure,
} I'll try to give you some pointers:
}
} "<:" and "::!" are the "mild surprise" and "extreme surprise"
} operators (handy mnemonic - pronounce them "raise eyebrows" and
} "blink twice and gasp").  Used for a sort of assertion or
} pre-condition checks on input, or as a shorthand for some common
} FORMAT idioms.
}
} "!&" evaluates the expression you meant to evaluate, but couldn't
} recall where you had put it.  If _that_ expression includes "-`!",
} then it means "no, not this expression, the other one".  Be careful
} not to evalute this in an array context or, well, try it and you'll
} see what I mean.
}
} "*" now does double duty as division.  Sadly this was forced upon
} the developers after MicroSoft revealed their patent on "/".  It
} remains for the courts to decide if the same is true for Unix
} directory paths.
}
} "^-" has no definition yet, although it is in the specs.  The
} designers are pretty sure that they do want it, but can't put their
} fingers on the reason why.  Current suggestions range from
} simplifying the options for un/pack, to automating updates from
} CPAN.
}
} "#?" is to comments what ":?" is to control flow - a shorthand so
} terse that future readers shall not easily comprehend the meaning
} of the text.  It's use is strongly preffered over English.
}
} You owe the Oracle a proposal for lazy evaluation in Parrot.


1390-03    (15fe1 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle most insular and open-minded,
>
> Should I buy a new backpack for the upcoming school year?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That depends on your plans for the future. If you're considering a
} career as an accountant, attorney, civil servant, or important-looking
} businessman, you should buy a briefcase. If you want to be a popular
} guy who gets to date all the hot chicks, buy a sports bag. If you want
} to grow up and be a computer nerd, buy a PDA and forget about paper
} books altogether. There's another type of nerd; they can read Sumeric
} and use leather schoolbags. Finally, if you just want to be a kid in
} school for the near future, and don't want to worry about what comes
} next, by all means go get yourself a new backpack. Make sure you pick
} the right brand and colour.
}
} You owe the Oracle five marbles, a dead frog, and a dirty magazine.


1390-04    (76b66 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Oracle:
>
> "I saw the news today, oh boy..."
>
> The headline said that jetliners would be getting missile defenses,
> and that testing of a laser system would begin soon.
>
> Won't that be dangerous for people and animals that live near airports?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} [ The Oracle shuffles on to stage wearing granny-glasses
}    and a bright blue band leader's outfit. ]
}
} I read the news today oh boy
} About a lucky plane protected from grenades
} And though the news was rather sad
} Well I just had to laugh, had...
}
} I saw the laser slash, oh boy
} It blew the lights out of a car
} I didn't notice if any lives were saved
} A crowd of people stood de-haired
} They'd never been lazed before
} Nobody was really sure
} If they should sue the House of Lords.
}
} I saw another laser beam today oh boy
} An airplane opened up just like before
} A crowd of people ran away
} but I stood and looked
} as the people they burned and shook
}
} I'd love to turn that puppy on. . .
}
} Woke up, fell out of bed,
} laser beam zipped past my head
} Found my way downstairs and luckily I ducked,
} If I'd stood up then I'd be The Late.
} Found my coat, they burned a hole in my hat
} Made the bus in seconds flat
} Found my way upstairs and the room began to smoke,
} Somebody spoke and then they started to scream. . .
}
} I read the news today oh boy
} Four thousand holes in 400 passengers
} And though the holes were rather small
} The airplane made them all
} Now they know how many holes it takes to fill up Monty Hall.
}
} I'd love to turn that puppy on. . .
}
} [ The Oracle stands and bows. Crowd goes wild, until the
}    laser light show starts -- then panic ensues ]
}
} You owe the Oracle a tin-foil hat and a walrus.


1390-05    (028ce dist, 4.1 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's more important: length or width/diameter???

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} As you've been told countless times: it's not the size that matters,
} but how you use it. The most important thing is that it fits your
} technique, your speed and your confidence.
}
} That being said, of course a minimum length is essential. Too short,
} and you'd only be laughed at. But too long isn't very practical, so
} somewhere in between is just fine. I must say I've hardly ever seen
} them too long or too short, so don't worry about that.
}
} A more important factor is the stiffness. It shouldn't be too soft. If
} you hold it upright and the other end just drops back down, it won't
} work. Too stiff is not good either, though. A certain springiness is
} required for optimal performance.
}
} To end with, some general remarks:
} - Ask a couple of friends if you can hold theirs, and feel how you like
}   them.
} - Don't put the bar too high to begin with. Better start with lower
}   expectations, and see where you get from there.
} - There's only so many times you can do it on a day before you start to
}   hurt.
}
} Keep these recommendations in mind, and you'll be a great pole-vaulter.
}
} You owe the Oracle a nice, long, thick, hard one.


1390-06    (3cf60 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, whose wisdom enlightens the lowly multitude,
>
> Why when the eye has just seen the light, does the half light look
> dark to it, and in the same way if it turns from the darkness the
> half light look very bright?
>
> Your humble pupil,
> Leo

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You have asked a good question, deserving of a careful
} and thoroughly thought-out scientific answer.  For
} some stupid reason, though, you are getting a reply
} through an incarnation who cannot be bothered typing
} in all the stuff that the Oracle knows.  You'll have
} to put up with the incarnation's misunderstanding
} that the light gets filtered through the fog in your
} brain, and whatever you see reflects the contents of
} your mind, no matter how dense it may be.
}
} You owe the Oracle a choral rendition of "O Blinding
} Light" as originally heard on the Firesign recording,
} "Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me The Pliers."  You
} must sing all parts, SATB, by yourself, in harmony,
} quotated.


1390-07    (aaa51 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> 010010000110111101110111001000000110110101110101011000110110100000100000
> 101110110111101101111011001000010000001110111011011110111010101101100011
> 001000010000001100001001000000111011101101111011011110110010001100011011
> 010000111010101100011011010110010000001100011011010000111010101100011011
> 010110010000001101001011001100010000001100001001000000111011101101111011
> 011110110010001100011011010000111010101100011011010110010000001100011011
> 011110111010101101100011001000010000001100011011010000111010101100011011
> 01011001000000111011101101111001111011110110010000111111

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You're monkey can't find the remote and the frog has lice?
}
} Well, i suggest telling your monkey to get off his ass and change the
} tv by hand and buy your frog some lice killing shampoo.
}
} You owe the oracle a better binary-to-english translator.


1390-08    (09bc4 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I just started seeing a man who i'm interested in, at the same time
> i've found another man i might be interested in.  I've told the first
> and he seems jealous, joking about the second yet he persists making
> it seem like he's really jealous.  I would like to see this second man
> as i don't feel that my relationship is exclusive with the first, but
> i don't want to hurt the feelings of the first man.  What should i do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dearest Supplicant,
}
} The time we've spent together--you asking questions and my answering
} your questions--has been a blessing. I have, however, been living with
} this burden and now regret to tell you that I have been seeing another
} supplicant. Know that it is not a reflection on you, your questions
} are not any less interesting than they were when you sent that first
} "ask me." It is just that our relationship has grown apart.
}
} Sure I miss the grovelling and the tributes. It has made me feel less
} Oracle-like over the years. Even my ZOTs don't seem to have the punch
} they used to have. But constantly ridiculing me behind my back to my
} friends isn't what has driven this relationship apart.
}
} So I hope you and Jeeves are happy together. I happen to know he can't
} do anything without a certain little blue pill. And even with the
} medication, you'll still be doing most of the work.
}
} Signed,
} The Oracle
}
} p.s. You owe the Oracle all his Clash CDs back.


1390-09    (459e4 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164
> 062862089986280348253421170679821480865132823066470938446095505822317253
> 594081284811174502841027019385211055596446229489549303819644288109756659
> 334461284756482337867831652712019091456485669234603486104543266482133936
> 072602491412737245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153643678925903
> 600113305305488204665213841469519415116094330572703657595919530921861173
> 819326117931051185480744623799627495673518857527248912279381830119491298
> 336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798609437027705392171762931
> 767523846748184676694051320005681271452635608277857713427577896091736371
> 787214684409012249534301465495853710507922796892589235420199561121290219
> 608640344181598136297747713099605187072113499999983729780499510597317328
> 160963185950244594553469083026425223082533446850352619311881710100031378
> 387528865875332083814206171776691473035982534904287554687311595628638823
> 537875937519577818577805321712268066130019278766111959092164201989380952
> 572010654858632788659361533818279682303019520353018529689957736225994138
> 912497217752834791315155748572424541506959508295331168617278558890750983
> 817546374649393192550604009277016711390098488240128583616035637076601047
> 101819429555961989467678374494482553797747268471040475346462080466842590
> 694912933136770289891521047521620569660240580381501935112533824300355876
> 402474964732639141992726042699227967823547816360093417216412199245863150
> 302861829745557067498385054945885869269956909272107975093029553211653449
> 872027559602364806654991198818347977535663698074265425278625518184175746
> 728909777727938000816470600161452491921732172147723501414419735685481613
> 611573525521334757418494684385233239073941433345477624168625189835694855
> 620992192221842725502542568876717904946016534668049886272327917860857843
> 838279679766814541009538837863609506800642251252051173929848960841284886
> 269456042419652850222106611863067442786220391949450471237137869609563643
> 719172874677646575739624138908658326459958133904780275900994657640789512
> 694683983525957098258226205224894077267194782684826014769909026401363944
> 374553050682034962524517493996514314298091906592509372216964615157098583
> 874105978859597729754989301617539284681382686838689427741559918559252459
> 539594310499725246808459872736446958486538367362226260991246080512438843
> 904512441365497627807977156914359977001296160894416948685558484063534220
> 722258284886481584560285060168427394522674676788952521385225499546667278
> 239864565961163548862305774564980355936345681743241125150760694794510965
> 960940252288797108931456691368672287489405601015033086179286809208747609
> 178249385890097149096759852613655497818931297848216829989487226588048575
> 640142704775551323796414515237462343645428584447952658678210511413547357
> 395231134271661021359695362314429524849371871101457654035902799344037420
> 073105785390621983874478084784896833214457138687519435064302184531910484
> 810053706146806749192781911979399520614196634287544406437451237181921799
> 983910159195618146751426912397489409071864942319615679452080951465502252
> 316038819301420937621378559566389377870830390697920773467221825625996615
> 014215030680384477345492026054146659252014974428507325186660021324340881
> 907104863317346496514539057962685610055081066587969981635747363840525714
> 591028970641401109712062804390397595156771577004203378699360072305587631
> 763594218731251471205329281918261861258673215791984148488291644706095752
> 706957220917567116722910981690915280173506712748583222871835209353965725
> 121083579151369882091444210067510334671103141267111369908658516398315019
> 701651511685171437657618351556508849099898599823873455283316355076479185
> 358932261854896321329330898570642046752590709154814165498594616371802709
> 819943099244889575712828905923233260972997120844335732654893823911932597
> 463667305836041428138830320382490375898524374417029132765618093773444030
> 707469211201913020330380197621101100449293215160842444859637669838952286
> 847831235526582131449576857262433441893039686426243410773226978028073189
> 154411010446823252716201052652272111660396665573092547110557853763466820
> 653109896526918620564769312570586356620185581007293606598764861179104533
> 488503461136576867532494416680396265797877185560845529654126654085306143
> 444318586769751456614068007002378776591344017127494704205622305389945613
> 140711270004078547332699390814546646458807

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Log files from your Radius server.
}
} And you thought you could keep the Oracle running around in circles.


1390-10    (25fa4 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" <zymurge@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Buttery Oracle, I am browning nicely in the moderate oven of your
> wisdom!
>
> I just went to our work cafe and bought what I thought was a blueberry
> muffin.  Wasn't I surprised to learn that I had misread the sign on
> a tray of blubbery muffins!  They were so good, a real eye-opener;
> no wonder the Japanese are so keen on whaling.  I'd love to make
> some of these for the kid's lunches - can you give me the recipe?
> How do they get the blubber so sweet?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You should be aware that you cannot just hunt down any whale, kill it
} and use it for blubbery muffins. The whales killed by the Japanese end
} up in far inferior meals and snacks, and whaling should be abolished as
} soon as possible.
}
} The blubber used for blubbery muffins is obtained in a very special
} way. Let me give you the complete recipe:
}
} Blubbery muffins
} From the Oracular Cookbook, 39th edition.
}
} INGREDIENTS (200,000 servings):
}
}          1     whale calf
}    328,500  l  milk
}    164,250 kg  cane sugar
}  2,920,000 kg  lollypops, fudge, toffees and other assorted candy
}      2,080 kg  all-purpose flour
}        170 kg  baking powder
}         42 kg  salt
}      1,700     eggs
}         42  l  vanilla extract
}       2000  l  milk
}
} DIRECTIONS:
}
} 1. On a moderate fire, slowly warm 450 l of milk. When lukewarm, add
}    225 kg of cane sugar. Stir until dissolved. Feed sugared milk to
}    whale calf.
} 2. Repeat step 1 every day for two years.
} 3. Feed whale 1 ton of candy each day, for another eight years.
} 4. Remove blubber from whale.
} 5. Preheat oven at 190 degrees Celcius.
} 6. Grease muffin tins with bit of blubber.
} 7. Beat remaining blubber until soft. Add one egg and a splash of milk
}    and stir well. Repeat until all eggs and milk are thoroughly mixed
}    with blubber.
} 8. Mix together flour, baking powder and salt. Add to blubber mixture
}    and beat firmly.
} 9. Divide batter over muffin tins. Place in oven and bake for 25
}    minutes.
}
} Instead of removing all the blubber at once, which would seriously harm
} the poor whale, you can also have some of it surgically removed. This
} has the added advantages of giving you slightly more practical
} quantities of muffins, which can be useful if you don't have a large
} oven.


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