|
} Ahh yes... I am arn't I.... Ahhhh... Keep Going.... yeah.... I'm so
} good... DON'T STOP... oh the answer... right...
}
} <CUT TO INTRO>
} And now for...
}
} JOHNNY CLEESE's
} FLYING BOOKKEEPER!!!!!
}
} <annoying music>
}
} <CUT TO OFFICE>
}
} Customer: I'd like to have my books kept Please
} BookKeeper: No You wouldn't
} C: Yes I would
} B: No You Woldn't
} c: Yes I would
} B: By the way - have you kept you're receipts handy?
} C: Yes here they are
} B: No they're not!
} C: Yes they are!
} B: Look - plainly they're Invoices. I havn't asked about those yet
} C: But they're the same thing!
} B: No they're not
} C: Yes they are!
} B: NO THEY'RE NOT
} C: Look mate - a receipt is a record of sales and purchases
} B: No they are not...
} C: And an invoice is the same thing!
} B: Is most certainly isn't
} C: Yes it is!
} B: Sorry - your half hour is up. I'm not allowed to give financial
} advice anymore
} C: WHAT!!?!?!?!?
} B: We've been discussing your financial state for the last half hour
} and I can't keep discussing unless you pay for another half hour
} C: Come on! You've told me nothing!
} B: It's in the rules
} C: Well I'm leaving
} B: No you're not
} C: Yes I am
} B: No you're not
} <SLAM>
}
} <CUT TO FOREST A BLACK NIGHT STANDS IN THE PATH. CLEESE APPROACHES>
} Black Knight: NONE SHALL PASS
} Cleese: What?
} BK: You will not pass - or you will die
} C: It's a nice sword and amour you have there. Do you claim them on
} your tax? You know you could
} BK: WHAT!?!?!?!?
} C: Look - obviously you're confused about your current situation.
} Here's my card - call me
}
} AND now for something completely different!
}
} <CUT TO A LARGE BUILDING WITH MANY EMPLOYEES AND AN AGITATED BOSS>
} Boss: I'm sorry - the firms going down. We're going to have to lay you
} guys off
} Employee 1: But why? Couldn't you lay off just a few of us?
} B: No - it's the Dole for the lot of you
} Employee 2: Why did you have so many of us in the first place?
} B: Well you see...
}
} The answer: "Every Sperm Is Sacred", Lyrics by Michael Palin and Terry
} Jones.
}
} There are Unions in the world, there are Fashists
} There is Management and Engineers and then
} There are those in the board, but
} I've never been one of them.
}
} I'm an Accountant,
} And have been since 1964,
} And the one thing they say about Accountants is
} They'll fire you, to keep profits Warm.
}
} You don't have to be a big spender
} You don't have to have a great brain,
} You don't have to have any cubical,
} You're were doomed the moment I came because...
}
} Every dollar's sacred,
} Every dollar's great,
} If a dollar's wasted,
} I Get quite irate.
}
} Every dollar's sacred,
} Every dollar's great,
} If a dollar's wasted,
} I Get quite irate.
}
} Let the Unions take them,
} Where new work can be found.
} Management will make 'em pay
} When Profits Can't be Found
}
} Every dollar's wanted,
} Every dollar's is good,
} Every dollar's is needed,
} In your cubical
}
} Commies, Leftists, Unions
} Pinch pennies anywhere,
} But the investmentors will appreciate
} Those who spend with more care.
}
} Every dollar's sacred,
} Every dollar's great,
} If a dollar's wasted,
} I get quite irate.
}
} Every dollar's sacred,
} Every dollar's good,
} Every dollar's needed,
} In your cubicul.
}
} Every dollar's useful,
} Every dollar's is fine,
} Management needs everybody's,
} Your's, and Your's, (not mine...)
}
} Let the Bankrupt spill theirs,
} O'er research, legal and Ad's
} But I shall strike them down
} For each dollar that's spent bad...
}
} Every dollar's sacred,
} Every dollar's good,
} Every dollar's needed,
} In your cubicle.
}
} Every dollar's sacred,
} Every dollar's great,
} If a dollar's wasted,
} I gets quite irate.
}
} So... I guess the answer is... you must decide for yourself
}
} You owe the oracle the Best Of Johnny Cleeses Flying Bookkeeper,
} Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4 (on DVD) of Johnny Cleeses Flying Bookkeeper, Johnny
} Cleeses Flying Bookkeeper's Contractual Obligation Albumn, Johnny
} Cleeses The Meaning of Tax, Johnny Cleeses the life of an Accountant,
} Johnny Cleeses the Search for the Holy Cheque.... and 15L of espresso
} to ensure I can watch the whole thing
}
} Yours Devinely
}
} The Oracle
} [Incarnated as Lochok]
|
![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
