} Hmm...this looks like a great opportunity to bring in some help from my
} old friends Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
} Trey, Matt, are you there?
} trey> yup
} matt> hi oracle!
} Did you bring the rest of the gang with you?
} matt> yes, they're all here.
} Excellent, then let's get right to the questions. I'd like to take
} these in reverse order, as the cows only have a few minutes.
} First question, for the cows:
} what is up with them damn cows?
} cows> Well Oracle, our characters are deeper than most people realize.
} I remember, the first day of filming, Trey gave us the script and all
} he said was, "nervous." That was our whole motivation, I mean, that's
} all we had to go on. And we built this, this...complex uh...backstory,
} that's implied throughout the show.
} Great. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the cows for coming
} out here and giving us a few minutes of their time today, I know you
} guys are busy. Alright, next question, this one for Jesus:
} Why does Jesus have his own tv show?
} Jesus> My show, well, my character's show, "Jesus and Pals" was written
} in as a way to introduce some amount of wholesomeness to the show. When
} they approached me, they told me the premise of South Park, and told me
} they wanted to use it as a sort of clandestine way to spread
} <Trey and Matt, BEHIND Jesus, look at each other. Matt is obviously
} trying to hold back a laugh. Trey sees this and starts snickering.
} Matt's eyes bulge and he starts convulsing>
} Oooookay...uh, next question for Mr. Garrison:
} For that matter, is Mr. Garrisson gay?
} Garrison> Well of course he is, silly buns. He walks the walk and talks
} the talk. Not to mention having his hand shoved up a puppet's a-
} Whoa! Okay, caref-
} Garrison> -behind. Sorry.
} Moving right along:
} Is Stan gay?
} Trey> Uh, sorry Oracle, Stan couldn't make it. He said something about
} having to "feed the elephant" or something.
} Alright, we'll skip Stan and maybe he'll join us later. Next question:
} Why is Kenny still alive?
} Kenny> Jungf gur qrsvavgvba bs nyvir, ernyyl? Vs gurerf na nsgreyvsr,
} gura jura jr qvr n zbegny qrngu urer ba rnegu, jr orpbzr nyvir va
} nabgure cynar bs rkvfgrapr. Ner jr gura gehyl qrnq? Yvsr vf jung lbh
} znxr vg. Ovgpurf.
} Terrific. And finally, our final question is for Cartman:
} Why is Cartman an ass****?
} Cartman> When I signed on and read the script, I asked Matt this
} very question. Why *is* my character such an ass****? What the h***
} was that? Ass**** - huh, I guess you can't say ass**** here. Anyways,
} it's sometimes difficult, as an actor, to take on a character like
} this, because to do your job right, you have to make people hate you.
} I'm nothing like that in real life -- none of us are -- but sometimes
} people forget that. So anyways, when I asked Matt about it, he said,
} "Your character is fat. All fat people are ass****s. It's in their
} thick, obese, chunky, fat-blood. Their veins don't flow with kindness
} and caring like regular people. No, it's all au jus and Crisco." So,
} yeah, I realized then that Matt was right, and that was my motivation.
} Well folks, that about wraps up all the questions. I want to thank Matt
} and Trey, Stan, Kenny, Eric, Jesus, and of course, the cows, for coming
} out here for a little Q and A today. Thank you and goodnight!
} You owe the Oracle a reason why you asked about Stan's sexuality and not