|
} An exposition, first.
}
} The Mulrics have been living on the piece of drifting rock known to
} Earthlings only as Meteor E829.3 since time immemorial. They were not a
} warring people - there can be little ground disputes when your planet
} is 100 meters across - and dedicated their lives to quiet
} contemplation. Until, that is, they became aware of the Issue, which
} was this:
}
} E829.3's impending collision with the planet Earth.
}
} Now, this was an Issue on Earth as well. But it was much greater an
} issue for the Mulrics. The collision was expected to bring about the
} death of merely 90% of all Earthlings - but 100% of all Mulrics.
} Clearly, this could not be tolerated. Thus, a plan of sorts was formed:
}
} The Mulrics, cleverly disguised using false mustaches, would purchase
} or steal all of Earth's nuclear weapons, dump them into a hole, and set
} them off at the same time. Earth will be shattered and E829.2 ("home")
} will proceed unharmed.
}
} The first part of the program was easily carried out. Armed with
} nothing more than false mustaches, the green, 1-meter tall,
} hymenopteran aliens had *no problem* securing the entirety of the
} world's nuclear weapons. They were rather shocked.
}
} The second part of the program proved a little more difficult. Early
} drilling in downtown Manhattan drew far too much attention, mostly from
} tourists who insisted on having their picture taken. After further
} experimentation in various alternative urban environments failed, the
} Mulric leader, McMulric, came up with a better location: Great Sandy
} Desert, Australia.
}
} From here own things ran smoothly. Under the banner "Nobody Cares A
} Whit About Australia", the Mulrics were able not only to dig a massive
} hole, but also to oppress the entire local population, both of whom
} turned out to ask for a cup of sugar. Having dug their hole, the
} Mulrics set a detonator, and were soon off to their home on E829.3.
}
} On this day was born the famous cry, "It's a bird... It's a plane...
} It's Australia!"
}
} Unfortunately, the answer to your question above turned out to be: "not
} nearly enough". Furthermore, upon their return to their home meteor
} (soon to be -ite), the Mulrics were arrested by IRA officials, having
} been charged with the illegal importation of false-false mustaches
} (United States Tax Code, Part B, Section DXXII, Item 3485, "Jocular
} Paraphernalia"). In their much publicized trial, the Mulric defense
} claimed that:
}
} A. Being extraterrestrial aliens, the Mulrics were exempt from the US
} Tax Code.
} B. They were all going to die.
}
} After giving due consideration, the court accepted the latter argument,
} but not the former, and sentenced the entire Mulric population to 13
} minutes of jail time, following which everybody died.
}
} You owe the Oracle a new species.
|
![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
