} A story, you want? Here is one from the Army.
} "As the sun began its insistent rise, Private Steifen found it hard
} to wake up, hard to get out of bed, hard to do anything. His fellow
} soldiers were already fully up, attending to flagpole duty. 'What
} is your dysfunction, Chubby?' Sergeant Duro shouted stiffly. Steifen
} rose like a shot. Upright, he hurried to the door, grasped the knob,
} and went outside to join his buddies in raising the flag. What a day
} he had picked to screw up.
} "The company had already had breakfast, so Steifen had time only to
} grab a sausage and whack off half a banana and rush over to the field
} for the annual inspection. Firmly he stood at attention, as General
} Pee-Wee Erezione and his large staff took their place on the grandstand
} that had been erected only the day before; the private recalled the
} prick he had gotten from a splinter while trying to use his tool on the
} wood. Saluting the general always filled Steifen with pride; it made
} him see himself as an upstanding example of manhood, and not such a
} "'About face', shouted the sergeant, and as Steifen wheeled about
} he saw with horror that his flag was only at half-mast. 'Oh no,' he
} ejaculated. Now he was in a real pickle. He realized he would
} probably get the shaft from his buddies for this boner, and that night
} Sergeant Duro would probably be hard on him too."
} Oops, that last bit might have come out sounding like a double
} entendre. Gigidi.
} You owe the Oracle a dirty story.