} Oracle picks up the phone. He dials the digits needed for an outside
} line, then the code to access long distance, then the code for the long
} distance carrier, then the code for international calls, then the code
} for interplanetary calls, then the code for alternate planes of
} existence, then the code for heaven, then the code for head office,
} then the code for God's secretary... 49 digits in all.
} Busy signal.
} Oracle sighs, hangs up, then picks up the phone again and presses
} REDIAL. The phone, made by mere mortals, automatically redials the
} first 22 digits... Oracle repeats the last 27 himself. Fortunately,
} this time the phone rings. And rings. And rings. Finally...
} Operator: God's office, can you please hold? *CLICK*
} Heavenly music is heard... and heard... and heard... Finally...
} Operator: God's office. Can I help you?
} Oracle: Hi Marcy. Can I talk to him?
} Operator: Oracle! It's going to be a bit, he's really swamped today.
} Oracle: Can you try to squeeze me in? It's a quick one, I promise.
} Operator: When he's finished with this call, I'll see if he's willing.
} How's Lisa and the gang?
} Oracle: Lisa's fine. A little chest cold, comes from giving me a show
} while... well, never mind. She just has the sniffles, that's
} Operator: Oh, the poor girl. Have you given her chicken soup?
} Oracle: I have, and I'm going to bring her some more in a few hours.
} Operator: That's nice. How's Zadoc?
} Oracle: He's still crawling around, trying to-
} Operator: Hold on, I'll see if he can take you out of order. *CLICK*
} More heavenly music...
} God: Oracle! How are you, Orrie?
} Oracle: Oh, come on, don't call me Orrie. Do I call you Yahweh?
} God: Sorry; I know it bugs you, but it makes me laugh. But what's
} so important?
} Oracle: I've got the question again. Do you exist?
} God: Sorry, no. At least, I refuse to prove that I exist... your
} supplicant will have to figure it out for himself. After all,
} if the wisest philosophers can't-
} Oracle: Yeah, I know you're overloaded today, so I'll just give him
} the same speech you gave last time.
} God: Thanks, Oracle. You're a good sport. Hey, I like the way
} you've been treating Lisa, she's going to get well tonight.
} Oracle: Thanks, God. I knew I could count on you. See you Sunday.
} God: In church?
} Oracle: You know I don't go in for that stuff, God. I'll see you
} afterwards, at the buffet.
} God: I know... I just had to try. See you at the buffet.
} Oracle hangs up the phone.
} Sorry, supplicant, but God cannot be proven to exist. But the lack of
} proof does not in itself prove that God does not exist! It simply
} indicates that we don't know the ultimate truth. Even the greatest of
} philosophers and logicians cannot prove his existence, or
} non-existence, and probably never will be able to.
} Some would say that if God did exist, he would make it easy for us to
} prove it; therefore we would all know that He exists, and pay tribute
} to Him. But others say that if God did exist, He would intentionally
} make it impossible for us to prove it, because He wants us to exercise
} free will... only those people that truly feel his spirit, should
} believe in him.
} I say that he probably does exist... but you need to make up your own
} mind, and let others make up their own minds too. Killing in the name
} of God is just as bad as killing in the name of atheism... for whether
} there is a God or not, we make our own heaven or hell here on earth, by
} how we treat our fellow man.
} Oh, and last time when you groveled, they were both pretty pathetic-so
} I treated them as if they were just one grovel. But this time it was
} even worse... you really need to work on that.
} You owe it to the Oracle to practice your grovel technique, until
} you're good at it. You'll know when you're good at it.