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Internet Oracularities #1449

Goto:
1449, 1449-01, 1449-02, 1449-03, 1449-04, 1449-05, 1449-06, 1449-07, 1449-08, 1449-09, 1449-10


Internet Oracularities #1449    (28 votes, 2.9 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2008 12:18:04 -0500 (EST)

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B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1449
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1449  28 votes 3a933 9a612 57943 026b9 19a71 078d0 457b1 67a50 3e812 38872
1449  2.9 mean  2.8   2.2   2.8   4.0   2.9   3.2   3.0   2.5   2.5   2.9


1449-01    (3a933 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Peerless is the Oracle, he is unmatched in excellence and wise
> beyond measure,
>
> Quantum and statistical methods have had great success modeling
> virus evolution. Can such techniques be used to model more complex
> systems such as bacteria and pathogen evolution?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} If that's your thing. I'd rather see them modeled by Tyra Banks,
} especially in an off-the-shoulder over-the-spore clingy little number.
}  You owe The Oracle the opportunity to contract that one


1449-02    (9a612 dist, 2.2 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The Oracle's question queue is getting rather dull. Help spice things
> up for everybody and do some tell mes instead of ask mes.
>
> Dear Orrie,
> what the hell?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 17'5 \/\/h47 01d p30p13 54y 1|\|5734d 0f 'h311'.
}
} u 'O' 7h3 0r4c13 10 f001!5h \/!rg!nz.


1449-03    (57943 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle most wise,
>
> Will I waste the next year as well?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmm...
} Hmmm...
} Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmm............................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................
} The Oracle has pondered your question very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} VERY deeply. And pondered it, and pondered it,
} and pondered it, and pondered it, and pondered it,
} and pondered it, and pondered it.
} I suppose that, if my theory is correct, and it is true that
} my theories often are, then to answer your question, and I
} *do* assume that you want an answer, then Yes. Yes, yes,
} yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
} YES. Because, if you spend your time reading E-mails like
} this, then you're time will be very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} well ripped-off.
} You owe the Oracle something that is
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very good.


1449-04    (026b9 dist, 4.0 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The darkness to the skin has to come from somewhere! Through a complex
} process, the sunlight shifts the dark from the hair to the surface of
} the skin. This is why really light blonde people don't tan, but burn.
} They have no dark to move.


1449-05    (19a71 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Wise and Wonderful Oracle, who looks nothing at all like Mel Blanc,
> please deconfuse and unfuddle this poor lowly supplicant.  I was just
> watching Star Wars for the 3,729th time when it suddenly occurred to
> me that Yoda sounds an awful lot like Fozzy Bear!  What's going on
> here?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Very perceptive, dear supplicant. Yoda lived long ago in a galaxy far
} away, but the hyperspace travel made it possible for Yoda's
} great-to-the-17th level grandfather to make it to earth and sleep with
} Gentle Ben's sister. The family was no stranger to the entertainment
} biz, either. Grandpa Yoda loved telling jokes to the crowd. "Into a
} bar, three men walked. Ducked, the 4th one did. Yes, hmmmm." He also
} had the same drive to hog the spotlight. Yoda found himself barred from
} a great many establishments after a disagreement with Mr. Hutt. "please
} Mr. Jabba, the Jedi Master his own show you should give!"  You owe The
} Oracle a treatise on Over, Under and Through.


1449-06    (078d0 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Should I get up earlier?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Only if you want worms.  You owe the Oracle a late late bird


1449-07    (457b1 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> SUPER
> MARIO BROS.
>
> Copyright (c), 1984 Nintendo, Inc.  All rights reserved
>
> One Player or Two Player
> >1
>
> Cobblestone Path
> You are on a brick path.  There are small green hills in the distance.
>  A lone cloud drifts by in the sky.
>
> >West
> A mysterious force blocks your path
>
> >East
>
> Cobblestone Path
> You are on a brick path.  A golden box embossed with a scrolling
> question mark hangs in the air.  A small platform made of alternating
> Terra Cotta bricks and golden boxes floats in the air just beyond the
> first, with a fourth golden box suspended above the platform.
>
> There is a GOOMBA here.
>
> >Jump on GOOMBA
> You jump on the GOOMBA which smashes out into a sickening putrid pulp
> for 100 HP. Damage.
> HP: 100  GP: 0
>
> >Hit Box
> Which Box do you wish to hit?
>
> >Hit first Box
> A great golden coin leaps out of the box and dissolves into the air.
> HP: 300  GP: 1
>
> >Hit second Box
> The Terra Cotta brick explodes in a nova of dust.
> HP: 350  GP: 1
>
> >_

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}  > Ask GOOMBA for tax receipt
}
} The goomba is too dead to notice you.
}
}  > e
}
} Cobblestone Path
} You are on a brick path. There are small green hills in the distance.
} A lone cloud drifts by in the sky.
}
}  > e
}
} Cobblestone Path
} You are on a brick path. There are small green hills in the distance.
} A lone cloud drifts by in the sky.
}
}  > e
}
} Bowsers Castle
} Bowser sits next to a button.
}
}  > Hit button
}
} Gotta go through bowser.
}
}  > Jump over bowser
}
} You are now through bowser
}
}  > Hit button
}
} Bowsers dead. You killed him you sick killer!
}
} I WANT YOU OUT OF MY OFFICE NOW!
}
} You owe the oracle a first model commodore 64.


1449-08    (67a50 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How would Bob Dylan gain entry to the afterlife if he were
> flatulent on his death bed?!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There's more than one way to play a wind instrument.


1449-09    (3e812 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Are biosolids good for one's skin?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} They reduce the thickness of the skin. People who rebel at the mere
} though of sludge, and won't have anything to do with it, seem to have
} no complaint about biosolids. Compare the use of "tub of exceptional
} fertilizer" in place of "crock of sh*t."
}
} You owe the hungry and carnivorous Oracle some vegetarians.


1449-10    (38872 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Grand and elusive Oracle,
>
> What do human brains work faster the more they know,
> but computers work slower when they have too much data?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Because even the cleverest of brains is idiotic compared to
} the cheapest of computers, in terms of memory.
}
} Therefore the factors that become significant for performance
} when a *truly* large amount of data is involved (such as searching
} algorithms) never even comes into play where human thought is
} concerned. So if Shakespeare is trying to figure out a sonnet,
} he only has to search through a linked list or array of... what?
} 100? 1000 experiences tops? Wow. Big (O) friggin' deal.
}
} So the more humans know, the *benefits* of having more data is
} noticeable (ie. not having to acquire it, or recompute it), but the
} *drawbacks* are not significant at that stage.
}
} You owe the Oracle a computer that can actually shift down all elements
} of an array by one from some arbitrary position in the middle all the
} way to the end, so that insertions can be done in constant time, as you
} would insert a book into the middle of a row of books in constant time.
}
} Perhaps at the Omega Point humans will know enough so that they can
} make computers that perform faster the more data they have to process.


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